Originally Posted by allercan
I unexpectedly found out that she told her gay brother that she didn't marry me for romance or love. That she only married cos she wanted a good life (I am financially well-off). She went further and told her brother that she never had an orgasm with me cos she is not attracted to me at all. I want to have children but she has been putting it off with all sorts of excuses like she needs to be healthy and mentally stable to get pregnant, or that she can't stand my family meddling. Well, she also told her brother that she does not want to have kids with me yet.....I was floored when I heard all this.
well, that's just weird. sounds exactly like what i used to tell my brother, who happens to be gay, in the beginning of my marriage. I wanted to be with my H because i knew he'd be financially well-off. i dont want to have kids with him right now. And i hate his parents, albeit for good reason.
i think when i fell in love with my H it was illusive and i didnt exactly know why i was in love. i just loved him and knew i wanted to be with him. but when things got hard and we started fighting, the real reasons that i was attracted to him came out- finances being the big one. but on the flip side, the 'real' reasons my h was attracted to me came out, too. I used to resent him for his reasons, and he resented me for mine. But now i see it a little differently. I view it more that my unrealistic 'hollywood' romance had a bitter crash with reality. The 'in love' phase was over and we both discovered that there were some very selfish motives for wanting to be together.
i think its something that can be worked through. my H and I have worked through it. I dont necessarily see his motives as selfish anymore. in a way, im glad i can give him some things that he wants. and i think he's proud now that he can provide for me. but i understand that you would feel used, cheated, lied to, and unloved. my H felt that way, too.
of course i say all this so nonchalantly but i feel this way after three years of bitter fighting, threatening divorce, working through depression, anger, and resentment. It was ugly for awhile. it took a lot of work on both our parts.