Husband punching holes in walls
My husband of 23 years reminds me of a 6 year old when he throws his temper tantrums. It does not take much to set him off and he'll throw something or punch a hole in the wall. If he is working on something and things don't go right, he'll yell a few curse words and throw something. He does this without any obvious build up of frustration. The first time he did this was before we were married. He was helping me take apart my rifle for cleaning. A piece of the gun was not going back in very easily and he angrily threw the part across the room. He has punched several holes in the walls over the years in response to what I consider minor irratations that are not worth damaging the wall. Another example is we were on our way out of town to go deer hunting and half way there, he realizes he forgot his hunting license. He immediately became angry and while driving starts pounding on my truck's dashboard! This in turn made me angry, as this was my truck! I felt that he would not have done the same to his brand new pick up. The latest incident occurred late one night when he got up to let one of the dogs out to potty. He forgot to turn off the burglar alarm and he set it off when he opened the back door. His response was to punch a hole in the wall next to the alarm keypad. Last week I was watching TV in one room, and he was in the kitchen. He wanted to know if we had any batteries for his alarm clock. I said no. He then yells a cuss word, comes stomping into the TV room where I was seated and slammed the alarm clock down onto the floor breaking it into many pieces. This made me angry, but I sat there and said nothing. I was not about to get up and pick up the pieces. I interpretted his behavior as BLAMING ME for the lack of batteries, because he made the effort to walk from the kitchen into the TV room and slammed the clock down on the floor in the room where I was. Why did he not break the clock on the kitchen floor? Not that this is acceptable behavior. I have talked to several women friends about this and they all sing the same song, that he is just blowing off steam. He has never hit me but I do wonder if when he becomes elderly he will do so and I will have to put him in a home for my own protection. We are both in our mid 50's.
We do not have angry words or fight like you would expect with a hole puncher.
We did have a major disagreement several years ago over religion when the church he was involved with turned him into a self righteous jerk. He spent several nights a week doing church activities and going to work exhausted. He started making derogatory remarks about me, which he had never done. It took me awhile to realize what happened.
They flattered him, told him what a great Christian he had become...(THEY DON'T KNOW MY HUSBAND CUSSES LIKE A SAILOR AND PUNCHES HOLES IN THE WALL) and he became quite impressed with himself. At my expense, because like I said he started insunuating how holy he was and that I wasn't.
He claims he is not right with God and its my fault.
So I am left with the feeling that I am married to a six year old.
His parents divorced when he was 9 and I think his immature angry outbursts are related to this trauma. He denies this.
He'd rather blame me.
So its my fault I guess because I wasn't a mind reader and didn't have battiers on hand, its my fault he didn't have his hunting license and my fault he had to get up and let the dog out to potty. Never mind I am awakened several times a night letting dogs out to potty and loosing sleep myself.
So everytime he throws a six year old tantrum and throws something or punches a hole in the wall, I feel like he is blaming me.
And it makes me angry.
I don't buy my friends advice that he is just frustrated and blowing off steam. If that were so, every home in America would have holes in the walls.