Some of you may remember my threads from late last year**. If you care, you can find them easily enough. In summary, after our second child was born and weaned off of her breast, my wife had either been pregnant, and/or breast feeding, and/or raising toddlers/infants for the preceding 4 years. So she got back into shape and went on a bit of what can best be described as a post-partum partying spree with her married (female) friend. Late nights out at bars and nightclubs (home after they closed at 2:00AM). Always just the two of them. So instead of the traditional “girls night out” with a pack of girls, they acted more like each others “wingman” in what were seemingly less wholesome evenings out (a little too sneaky and secretive, a few too many little white lies). It only lasted 6 months or so, and only involved about 8 nights out, but it got hot and heavy towards the end. It seemed to switch from an emphasis of occasionally “going out dancing” (at the only kind of places you can partake in that activity - “meat markets”), to an unhealthy desire to party at meat markets, with dancing being an excuse. An incident finally forced a fight on the issue and the behavior stopped.
An informal analysis of those who posted on my threads would reveal that a large % of the population have similar feelings: that a man in my situation would be a controlling, jealous Neanderthal for objecting to the behavior. That’s what I thought when it happened to me many years ago. So I just had to suck it up as giving my wife a little “freedom” and not being so controlling. When we had that fight, it ended (you guessed it) with me being a jealous, controlling Neanderthal who wouldn’t let her have a life outside of her marriage. I was wrong and was never allowed closure. End of discussion.
Fast forward to 3 months ago. The situation started to bother me again and I felt it was time to get closure. I went on this and similar websites and became comfortable with the fact that I maybe wasn’t a Neanderthal and maybe my wife really DID act inappropriately for a married mother of two babies.
I started discussing it with her for the first time since it happened and it’s not going too well, as you might imagine (after all of these years to be accused of infidelity simply for partaking in an “accepted” activity which your husband “approved” of so many years ago). She’s rewriting history a little, which makes it hard to communicate. But she also has a good point to which I can’t comfortably respond (Finally, I get to my question):
How is it that a woman I have known and loved as a certain kind of person for so many years could change into a polar opposite for such a short period of time? ZERO behavior like this for the many years I knew her before, and ZERO behavior like this in the many years I have known her since. Except for the timeframe in question, she has been the perfect, faithful wife. Does anyone have experience or knowledge of anyone who experienced a similar phenomenon? I tried to look it up on the internet, but I keep getting either post-partum depression hits or stories about Brittany Spears doing the same thing. It’s not traditional PP depression and you can’t compare my wife to Brittany (Unfortunately
). My wife’s seemed to be triggered by the new motherhood. Anyone see it happen for other reasons?
I’m not even sure what I’m looking to hear for an answer. Any opinions would be appreciated.
(**Sorry, but please understand thatwhen I started those threads I was still sensitive to the fact that I would be perceived as a Neanderthal. And that’s if it were happening TODAY. So I wrote the threads as though the activity was current so as not to have the age of the incidents cloud peoples answers.)