krncstr

My husband is the kindest, most charming guy that everyone loves and looks up to. He's left his rich, luxurious life to serve people in need. He's just Mr. Perfect. But several times, I have felt that he shoves me aside when he's in his "helping a lost soul mode (all women)", and I have caught him lying to me.
I've felt he was lying several times...there are those days when the stories just don't make sense, but whenever I confronted him, he always denied. He makes me feel like I'm the lesser person for being suspicious. That I should believe him and not make doubt consume me. Until in one instance, he was cornered because I had enough proof to back me up. Then he admitted to that one, and another lie, though his explanations were far from an infidelity issue.
Recently, thrice in one month, his phone finder showed he was in a different location from where he told me he would be. When I asked him about it, he said his phone fell and it might have screwed the signal. Then he dis-enrolled the finder function so I couldn't locate him anymore. He also has some periodically changing habits with his mobile phone which I find suspicious.
In the recent months, he's been trying hard to make me feel good and we always talk about how exciting our family's (with kids) future will be.
I really don't know what to make of this. Everything seems so solid, then there are lies, so I don't know anymore if my relationship's grounding is that stable. My best guess, knowing his personality, is he's a magnet for damsels-in-distress that somehow he doesn't want me to know of, but then this could open doors to trouble. Maybe there already is? Help!

827Aug

The very fact you are having doubts and suspicions says a lot. People lie to cover something. Guess you need to figure out what it is that he doesn't want you to know about.....

Your post could have been written by me 20 years ago. At first the estranged husband told little bitty white lies. Then as the years went by the lies GREW as did the things they were covering. That's the problem with lies. They grow and new lies are needed to support the previous lies. It gets to the point the one doing the lying doesn't even know the truth any longer. Lying is a big character flaw.

Hope you find the TRUTH.

krncstr

Thanks 827Aug. How long did it take for the truth to surface in your case? What was your resolve?

I feel like if I did actively search for the truth, I'd have to engage in being untruthful too. Is suspicion a valid enough feeling to take some precautionary action? Should I make it my problem whether he's acting appropriately or not behind my back?

I'm thinking of just letting things be and hope that the truth will find its own way to the surface. But I am afraid because if there is something happening that will eventually ruin our relationship or family, I do not want to be caught weak, dependent, and unprepared.

peacefully

Prepare yourself. Get yourself in a better position, and look after your finances and so on. I suggest doing all of this, so you don't end up feeling stuck and basing your decisions on logistics- if you do find that you cannot take more of the lies.
In MY experience, a person who lies, lies about mostly everything. That is their character, and you can't change them. If you are a trusting and honest person, than you will want to believe them, until you just can't anymore. It is a very terrible feeling, I can empathize.
I think that you should gather as much information as you can and then see if it warrants a confrontation.
It is your problem if he is acting inappropriately, if you are sharing a life, then this does affect you directly.
Trust your gut instinct. Trust your intuition. If there is smoke, there is usually fire...
Sorry that you are going through this.

krncstr

Thank you for the advice and empathy, peacefully.
Definitely the logistics part should not be a factor even if realities make it difficult to detach from.

krncstr

dear 827 and peacefully,

you two were right. turns out that the saintly man i was married to was the devil after all. he was having an affair with his student and they have been having sex in our bed, beside our sleeping kids whenever i went out of town. he would take the kids out to see her. my kids are 6 and 4 years old.

thanks, without your advice, i wouldn't have taken the steps to find out more and it would have been more devastating. i asked him to leave the house and i'm trying to build a new life now.

827Aug

Sorry you are going through all of this. Here's a big HUG for you! I'm just glad you got to the bottom of the lies.