even if they are just friends, she's crossing the line crashing at their place after getting drunk. i had a lot of guy friends when i was with my H. i had to start making different boundaries with them because i was also a flirt and even though we were just friends, it was often friends with benefits. Most of them didnt want to hang out with me anymore because i wasnt as fun. so losing them as friends, and losing the attention, was really hard. that's probably what you're wife is afraid of.
Case in point...she won't pick up the phone when I call and she's out with the guys partying.
Her loyalty is more to looking cool in front of them than to me and our relationship.
well, i read your other post. I think she got burned in the beginning and now her loyalty is to herself. that's not a bad thing. she just swung too far to the other extreme. I really resented my H in the beginning after i gave up my friends. if i had of been living in the same state you can bet i would be doing exactly what your wife is doing.
Im not saying what she is doing is ok, or that you should put up with it. i guess im just saying i can understand where she's coming from.
Your wife doesn't go out partying at bars all night with FEMALE friends w/o you (the RARE girls night out is OK). The guys have to go. Sounds like she's not going to change though. Any kids involved? If not, walk. You don't need that ****.
I don't think you are wrong for being upset about her hanging out with other guys. If she is spending more time with others than with you, you are experiencing legitimate jealousy. On top of this, you mentioned an affair in one of those threads so, you are also experiencing trust issues as well. You pursue her, she pulls away.
If you don't mind sharing, what were your original committments to each other before marriage?
During our year of engagement and first year of marriage, I worked at a lot of bars and stayed out late after work with co-workers. At this time my wife did not drink, was in school, and taking our marriage very seriously.
I find it very ironic that she is now the one staying out all night at bars. she's adopted your previous lifestyle.
You are minimizing the effect your actions had on her. I realize that statement probably makes your temper flare, but its not meant too. it is what it is. You think you can get off the hook by saying you are sorry and making a few changes, well, you're learning that's not how life teaches. these are long standing consequences to your previous choices. i realize that's going to send you through the roof, but learn from it or get pis*ed off at it. One way or another you'll have to live it.
I know she cheated and im not saying what she is doing is ok, nor that you went to that extreme in your lifestyle (although it is a possibility. one im sure she has had to entertain). she'll come to her senses eventually and realize that this lifestyle is not going to make her happy either (just like you did). she's letting the pendulum swing and it will eventually rest in a happy medium. but not before it gets pretty ugly for her- and you. there's only one way to stop this sort of cycle of abuse- someone is going to have to stop wanting to get even.