01-28-2010, 02:43 PM
Join Date: Jan 2010
| | Statement: Feeling alone and abandoned.
For the first time since I was 5 years old, that I could really use a long hug and comforting like I did when I dropped a brick on my toe at 5 years old. My dad held and comforted me and told me what I could expect; that my toe nail woul come off and regrow, and that my toe would hurt for a while longer but it would be okay. I think after that, my toe stopped hurting.
My wife of 23 years in 2005 began asking for sex and romance. (I've sinced learned she had been having hot flashed and stuff per menstrual near age of 50).
I tried my best to give her what she asked for, sex 3 times a week where she later tells me I have sex on the brain, so I backed off, and then she wonders why and I told her what she said and she didn't remember saying that. I spent more money we really couldn't afford on eating out, theater, concerts and a new $2,000 ring. The next several years were horrible for me. I never knew what she was thinking, wanted, but the things she said to be were horrible. I wanted to die, and she even told me once, she didn't care if I did, and to add salt to the wound, purchased a gun and bullets and left it on the kitchen table, later saying it was a waste of money.
As we were selling the house, and only a few weeks for escrow, she tells me she made a mistake in saying she wanted us to seperate and sell the house. It was to late for the house, but she expects me to continue making her happy that I took crap from her like the last few years? No way. She wouldn't express her feelings, or discuss my feelings and what "I needed".
Because of the pain I went through, and how she treated me, there is no way I can be the stand up man and pursue her. She scares me when I think of what she could say or do. She has not shown that she is a loving wife in order for me to have the courage to restart. Sadly, I am struggling, lonely, feeling abandoned and unemployed and just a few months away of being homeless.
So what am I asking for? Just to be hugged and comforted, but I guess that would be too needy.
Kind comments to help me heal would be much appreciated?