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-   -   Women, what are your top 10 non negotiables? (http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/109465-women-what-your-top-10-non-negotiables.html)

Runs like Dog 08-15-2013 09:34 PM

Re: Women, what are your top 10 non negotiables?
 
Are you sure you're not really looking for employees?

Edmund Falcon 08-16-2013 05:48 AM

Re: Women, what are your top 10 non negotiables?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Prodigal (Post 3688346)
I didn't read this question to say "deal breakers." To me, it says what is the bottom line I want/expect/require from a man to be a match for me.

I don't get where people are listing stuff they DON'T require. The original question wants to know what I require. At least that's my opinion ... for what it's worth.

There's nothing subjective about my question. It's not subject to interpretation. It means what it says. Your opinion of what my question means is the correct one.

What I'm asking the women here is to list 10 requirements. Non negotiable requirements. List what you do want, not what you do not want.

NextTimeAround 08-16-2013 07:01 AM

Re: Women, what are your top 10 non negotiables?
 
1. Regularly practices a religion. This is a dealbreaker, so the opposite is the non negotiable. I am not religious myself therefore, I would not want my partner to regularly spend our free time in church when I don't want to go. And building relationships with other people. And when he gets annoyed enough that I don't want to go, then the female parishioners may start looking mighty fine to him.......

I don't think I would be bothered about a guy coming from any religious background. I just would want to make sure that he has completely rejected it.

2. Someone who treats their friends as if they were his master.

3. Someone who has female friends that are not kept at arms length.

SlowlyGettingWiser 08-16-2013 07:20 AM

Re: Women, what are your top 10 non negotiables?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Edmund Falcon (Post 3682705)
A question for the women here. What are your top 10 absolutely non negotiable requirements in a man?

Quote:

There's nothing subjective about my question. It's not subject to interpretation. It means what it says. Your opinion of what my question means is the correct one.

(A)What I'm asking the women here is to list 10 requirements. Non negotiable requirements. (B)List what you do want, not what you do not want.
A & B are two different things; everyone posted A, not everyone posted B. But then you added B later.

I require a man who does not have the traits on my list. It is non-negotiable.

I require a man who is not a liar/cheater. It is non-negotiable.
I require a man who is not an abuser. It is non-negotiable.

Perhaps the original question was not worded specifically enough to garner the answers you're seeking. Asking the women "What are the Top Ten Positive Traits/Characteristics You Require in a Mate" would probably have gotten you the answers you expected.

Edmund Falcon 08-16-2013 07:34 AM

Re: Women, what are your top 10 non negotiables?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by SlowlyGettingWiser (Post 3692873)
A & B are two different things; everyone posted A, not everyone posted B. But then you added B later.

I require a man who does not have the traits on my list. It is non-negotiable.

I require a man who is not a liar/cheater. It is non-negotiable.
I require a man who is not an abuser. It is non-negotiable.

Perhaps the original question was not worded specifically enough to garner the answers you're seeking. Asking the women "What are the Top Ten Positive Traits/Characteristics You Require in a Mate" would probably have gotten you the answers you expected.

I added B later because B is an explanation of A. I added it because A was misunderstood. A = what are your requirements (aka what you do want)? Hence my clarification (aka B). Anyway it should be obvious what I'm asking, I did make it quite clear in my opening post.

For clarification :

Dealbreaker = what you don't want
Requirement = what you do want

Running Mom 08-16-2013 08:10 AM

Re: Women, what are your top 10 non negotiables?
 
Good question! I'm thinking that once I make my list, my husband may not fit the bill!

1. Atheist (being religious and/or believing in god is a total deal-breaker)
2. Intelligent (likes to read and talk about books, likes discussing current topics, still wants to learn even as an adult)
3. Loving (enjoys physical contact but could live with sex only once a week or so (I don't have a high sex drive))
4. Good father (wants the best for his kids, spends time with them, teaches them how to be good people)
5. Respectful of others
6. Healthy/active (eats well, doesn't drink too much, doesn't do drugs, exercises and/or has active habits)
7. Skeptical (I admire a healthy disrespect for authority and anyone who thinks they have all the answers)
8. Funny (I'd like someone who had a similar (silly) sense of humor to mine)
9. Enjoys my company
10. Lets me be me

Hmm . . . my husband falters a bit on numbers 3, 5 and sometimes 9.

jeyna 08-16-2013 09:05 AM

Re: Women, what are your top 10 non negotiables?
 
1. Honest
2. loyal
3. kind/loving
4. likes animals
5. respectful/non abusive
6. good work ethic
7. not religious
8. good sense of humor
9. not a momma's boy
10. intelligent enough to carry on deep conversation about various topics

my husband meets all except 3 and 5, which I'm realizing are pretty darn important. I think I place too much emphasis on number 2 because of my own insecurities.

Wiltshireman 08-16-2013 09:21 AM

Re: Women, what are your top 10 non negotiables?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Runs like Dog (Post 3688802)
Are you sure you're not really looking for employees?

By the look of some of these "Commandment" it sounds more like they are after a "Talking Dog".

Seriously ladies what ever happened to the art of compromise?

Running Mom 08-16-2013 09:39 AM

Re: Women, what are your top 10 non negotiables?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Wiltshireman (Post 3694425)
By the look of some of these "Commandment" it sounds more like they are after a "Talking Dog".

Seriously ladies what ever happened to the art of compromise?

I can't speak for others here but for me, there are a lot of other things not on this list that I compromise on every day. My husband doesn't have a job, rarely does chores, rarely wears pants, sleeps too late and is more often than not in a crabby mood. Compromise is my middle name.

ScarletBegonias 08-16-2013 10:09 AM

Re: Women, what are your top 10 non negotiables?
 
1.Don't lie to me
2.Don't cheat on me
3.Don't place me under anyone else on your list of priority people.

Those are my deal breakers.

What I require in order to be happy:
1.A man who loves me and gives me no less than what I give to him.This is for all aspects of our relationship and life together... emotional love,expression,physical love,communication,support,and friendship.

LoveAtDaisys 08-16-2013 10:19 AM

Re: Women, what are your top 10 non negotiables?
 
I think knowing both what you won't accept from a partner as well as what qualities you want in a partner are important and both would fall under "non negotiables". Honestly I think too many men and women compromise on the things they WON'T accept.

Quote:

By the look of some of these "Commandment" it sounds more like they are after a "Talking Dog".
To be fair, if a man listed his wants from a female partner, it would probably look like he wanted a talking sex doll :p

I'd love to see the male version of this thread.

RoseAglow 08-16-2013 11:33 AM

Re: Women, what are your top 10 non negotiables?
 
Hmm, I don't know if I have 10!

1. He has to love me, and he has to be able to demonstrate it. He doesn't let things deteriorate to the point where I have to wonder or guess at it.

2. He has to be partnership-oriented, as demonstrated by:

a. He places his priority on his partner and family. Neither I nor our child compete against hobbies, friends, substances, family-of-origin, etc. (This doesn't mean he can't enjoy hobbies, friends, his family, a drink- it means he isn't willing to put me and/or our child aside for them.)

b. He is able to communicate, compromise, look for win-wins. Also, he is flexible so that he can continue to communicate, compromise, and look for win-wins even in the face of changing situations. I have to know that he can hang in there and be available when things get tough or don't go according to the original plan.

c. He is enthusiastic about/in agreement that all decisions of consequence are passed by each other first. We work out win-wins for things like cars, weekend plans, job/career, budgets, etc.

d. He knows, and likes, himself enough to be a full partner, not a "yes person" who later becomes resentful after "all he's done!" He needs to be able to discover, communicate, and value his needs and desires enough to share them with me, so I can meet them. We can't get to a "win-win" if I don't know what "win" means to him.

e. The corollary to "d"- he is willing to meet my emotional needs/desires.

3. He has to be honest.

4. He has to be caring- not a d!ck to people- he treats waiters, cab drivers, etc decently.

5. He has to be loyal.

There's my guy! <3 We don't pull it off perfectly all the time, but we have our game plan and we stick to it!

imhiswifey 08-16-2013 11:01 PM

Re: Women, what are your top 10 non negotiables?
 
My husband must:

1. Be honest and not afraid to communicate his feelings/emotions/desires etc.
2. Not lie to me
3. Be a gentleman (treat others with respect, polite etc.)
4. Make his family his priority
5. Find me sexy/attractive and show it
6. Love to travel
7. Enjoy doing activities together with either just myself or his family (ie. going to the park, shopping, etc.)
8. Never cheat on me
9. Not afraid to try new things
10. Say I love you each night before going to bed

My husband was very shy when I met him, it was almost a turn off for me but I gave him a chance anyways. I was kind of weary that I was the "exotic foreigner" to him but it turned out my worries were dead wrong. Happily married for 9 years now :)


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