Children sleeping in same bed as mom and dad!
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Old 08-15-2013, 08:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Children sleeping in same bed as mom and dad!

Hi Everyone! Long time lurker here, decided to join as I am quite bored this evening LOL and wanted to chat marriage and relationships!

Anyways I am back in Canada for a family reunion (I live in Europe now) and glanced at a magazine at the local bookstore - Macleans I believe and there was a big article on children sleeping in the same bed as mom and dad, even teenagers!

I was completely mortified, my husband would be livid if he let our two sons (age 7 and 6) sleep in the same bed as us!

Do any parents out there allow this? Thoughts? One quote in the article was from a that father said his kids go to bed at 8pm and he gets home from work at 7pm, would he rather have 1 hour with his kids or 9?

How does sex and intimacy work with the kidos sleeping in the same bed?

Looking forward to chatting with everyone!!
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Old 08-15-2013, 09:14 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Children sleeping in same bed as mom and dad!

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Originally Posted by Mavash. View Post
My youngest slept with us till she was 3. Her crib was in our room. If I could go back I would have done this with my other 2 kids. They sleep so much better with mom nearby and I wouldn't have been so sleep depressed. Lol

Sex wasn't an issue as we just waited till she fell asleep and we went to the guest bedroom. No biggie.

At 3 I easily talked her into moving in with her sister. By 7 she wanted her own room.
crib in same room OK but same bed?? For both my kids their bassinet was in our room for about two months then once their sleeping habits formed,we put them in their room but I had the baby monitor close by thats for sure! many a sleepless night for me too!
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Old 08-15-2013, 09:17 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Children sleeping in same bed as mom and dad!

We do it when needed. I have two kids, 11 months apart in age. When they were babies they slept in the same room as us , sometimes in bed. We lived in a one bedroom apartment then and it was our bed on one side of the room and two cribs on the other. If either of them woke up at night they would come to our bed. Even as babies when they were feeding at night we'd bring them to bed.

Those were pure survival days. We operated under whatever got everyone the most sleep. We didnt have time to stop and think about sleep training or anything like that. H and I both worked and needed whatever sleep we could get for the next day.

Once they stopped feeding at night, H and I both found we just liked it so we never fought it much. Our kids always had their own beds and would start the night on their own. That was when it was our time for adult activities. We just didnt have sex in the bedroom when they were sleeping in there. But if/when they woke up they would come to bed with us.

Even now at 3 and 4 if they have a nightmare or they are sick they are in our bed. Sometimes all four of us are in bed together. Its not all the time now but we both dont mind them coming in if they want us. Our door is always open for them.

One of my favorite times each week are on Saturday and Sunday mornings when my son - 4.5, wakes up early and realizes its the weekend and we dont have to get up for work so he slides into bed between H and I and we all go back to sleep for a couple more hours.

I feel extremely fortunate that my H has been so ready and willing to pitch in with the parenting in all aspects including all of the night time care. He loves cuddling with the kids whenever he gets the chance even all night.

Actually I have always joked with my H how great it worked out to have two kids for him to cuddle at night. Im not a big night cuddler myself and when I am ready for sleep I want to be free to sleep. Sleeping beside H has been fine but he wants arms and legs wrapped around me at all times and I just cant sleep that way. He gets to wrap himself around the kids and they soak it up and love it. Win-win.

Last edited by kag123; 08-15-2013 at 09:22 PM.
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Old 08-15-2013, 09:49 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Children sleeping in same bed as mom and dad!

We're all over the place sleep-wise. The girls have been in bed with us off and on since the first was born 8 years ago. Sex is no trouble, we just use another bed. For a long time we had a futon in a room that was pretty much just for sex. Sometimes we'd go downstairs on the couch, just to mix it up. Now they have their own bed and I usually sleep with them because for some reason it helps my insomnia, but I just hop into bed with H first if either one of us wants sex. It's really no trouble.
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Old 08-15-2013, 09:53 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Children sleeping in same bed as mom and dad!

Funny my youngest just hopped into the bed beside me, its the time change I think and being in a hotel room. I agree with you kag123 they are fun to cuddle with!

I loved when they had nap time when they were younger, that was when I slept with them!
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Old 08-15-2013, 11:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Children sleeping in same bed as mom and dad!

Oh, who cares? People do whatever they need to do to get sleep. We've done both - kids with and without. There are pros and cons. And people did it for CENTURIES. Honestly, who cares? Next question.
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Old 08-15-2013, 11:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Children sleeping in same bed as mom and dad!

Oh. As for sex, duh. Lots of other places to have sex with your spouse. It's more shocking to me that people can't think outside the marital box. Couch? Basement? Garage? Dining room? Shower? Backseat?
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Old 08-16-2013, 12:34 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Children sleeping in same bed as mom and dad!

"I was completely mortified, my husband would be livid if he let our two sons (age 7 and 6) sleep in the same bed as us! "

That's a very strong reaction to something that's not even in your life, people are different, some cultures co-sleep others don't. Some people have children with special needs, some people feel its easier to breastfeed by having the baby sleep with them. People also and sex in other places besides their bed.
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Old 08-16-2013, 01:34 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Children sleeping in same bed as mom and dad!

Bed sharing in infancy has very clear benefit to babies when done properly. I have watched and read multiple studies of infants heart rates stabilizing and breathings rates stabilizing. There is some sort of chemical reaction that takes place when baby is close enough to smell mom and their bodies go in sync. There are strict parameters to keep them safe, but as a mother of an infant in the NICU, I know that the only time his heart and breathing monitors did not go off was when he was in my arms. We left the hospital bed sharing. Our next child started in our bed from the get go, with a cosleeper right next to the bed for those times I just needed space. It aides in continuation of breastfeeding as well. The AAP does not even recommend them leaving the same room as the mother until six months old.

Now, children sleeping in bed with parents, I do not find a problem with. Heck, in college I had a nightmare once when home on break and climbed in bed with my dad. I knew the dream was not real but it really shook me up and I did not want to be alone.

The problem starts when parents kick the kiddos out of their bed and climb in bed with them under the impression of "getting them to sleep in their own beds". Laying down with them fine until they do sleep, but in my situation, he never came back to our bed and there never was a chance to communicate after that. I'd beg for him to let them sleep on their own. Heck, I even had a routine that was working to get them to sleep alone for at least part of the night. I just wanted our evenings for us at that point (they were preschool age by this point), but he never came back.

He has left me now for another woman. Perhaps it was my first clue that I ignored.
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Old 08-16-2013, 01:54 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Children sleeping in same bed as mom and dad!

Quote:
Originally Posted by imhiswifey View Post
Hi Everyone! Long time lurker here, decided to join as I am quite bored this evening LOL and wanted to chat marriage and relationships!

Anyways I am back in Canada for a family reunion (I live in Europe now) and glanced at a magazine at the local bookstore - Macleans I believe and there was a big article on children sleeping in the same bed as mom and dad, even teenagers!

I was completely mortified, my husband would be livid if he let our two sons (age 7 and 6) sleep in the same bed as us!

Do any parents out there allow this? Thoughts? One quote in the article was from a that father said his kids go to bed at 8pm and he gets home from work at 7pm, would he rather have 1 hour with his kids or 9?

How does sex and intimacy work with the kidos sleeping in the same bed?

Looking forward to chatting with everyone!!
I know in some cultures this is done. It is also one thing to let a child on rare occasions crash with parents, but I am against it in general. I do not see this as good for the marriage or for the children.

I am fairly loud during sex anyway but I really am not going to have what I consider to be sex with kids in the bed. Creepy. Now that said, I am all for parents showing affection in front of the children to a reasonable extent.

I understand that many folks are fine with nudity but I sleep naked and my wife often does as well. Sex to me is not an event to go do.

To each there own but for sure sleeping with children past a point does seem odd to me.

Last edited by Entropy3000; 08-16-2013 at 01:59 AM.
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Old 08-16-2013, 02:20 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Children sleeping in same bed as mom and dad!

Ours slept with us on and off on our bed until age 5. We didn't have any problems getting them to sleep through the night or transitioning them to their own beds. It's also cultural for both of us. We're both from cultures that practice co-sleeping. Historically, children have shared beds with parents. The whole put the baby in a crib in a different room right from infancy is relatively new when you look at thousands of years of human history.

As for sex...you know the bedroom isn't the only room in the house you can have sex. And night time isn't the only time you can have sex.
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Old 08-16-2013, 03:01 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Children sleeping in same bed as mom and dad!

As I read this, my 5 year old daughter is in my bed... lol
She had a crib in our room for a long time because we have 4 kids (the oldest 3 boys) and only a 3 bedroom house. But because I breastfed her, she was usually just in our bed because it was easier. Once she got her own room, she got a bed but wasn't comfortable. I think it was because we have a waterbed and she didn't like the "real" mattress. When she started school, I got her into a great routine that included sleeping in her own bed. But then my husband switched his work schedule and is now gone all night. I know this bothered her because she would have nightmares and end up in my bed by morning. Something she never did before. At some point it evolved to her just going to sleep in our bed to begin with but she gets it to herself for almost 7 hours before I join her. Then we only share the bed for a few hours before getting up for school. Daddy gets home and gets her to school and then he and I go to sleep together. Different folks, different strokes. This happens to work for us.
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Old 08-16-2013, 06:34 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Children sleeping in same bed as mom and dad!

I asked the question because I read an article that is is becoming common for a family bed to be shared including among teenagers sleeping with parents!

The views in the article are not my opinion, I was shocked teenagers would be sleeping with mum and dad!
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Old 08-16-2013, 07:06 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Children sleeping in same bed as mom and dad!

I plan to put our girl in a bassinet by our bed. The sleep in our bed definitely won't work for us because I sleep too wild. Even with it being hard to move around now my H is constantly moving me off my back and off my right side. I don't want to smother my baby. Plus sleeping together and touching through the night is part of intimacy so it seems like the baby in our bed would come between that.
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Old 08-16-2013, 09:48 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Children sleeping in same bed as mom and dad!

Our kids have slept in our bed until 18months. After that they get moved to their own bed but the door is always open for them to sleep with us if they feel they need too. I don't have teens that sleep in our bed, they visit in my bed but none stay.
As for sex and intimacy, we have 8 kids, sleeping together apparently didn't hinder our ability for adult festivities. Creativity is the key.
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