It's good that the feeling makes you uncomfortable. The solution to that is to deal with your feelings. You shouldn't attack your brother-in-law because you didn't know he was at your house. You should recognize that your house is your wife's house, too. She should be free to have her family over unexpectedly without telling them to circle the block until she can reach you to receive permission so that you don't attack them when you come home.
Its not PERMISSION it is just "hey so and so is here visiting" and I am like, "Ok cool, hopefully he'll stay for dinner". I can see why that seems controlling and can stop it. Besides, I never attacked my brother in law. He is a 26 year old wanna be thug with a big mouth and when I didn't tolerate his mouth he flicked a cigarette butt at me so I threw a rock in his face and jumped on him. He is someone I have tried to help by finding him jobs and so forth and when I give him a ride through my neighborhood (back to his place or whatever) he whistles at any pretty girl and starts **** with anyone who happens to look at the car as we ride past. He starts fights with strangers, uses his girlfriends as punching bags. He his a pos and I treat him like one, plain and simple.
If you're living the "thug life," then I suggest you get out of the hood. Move to a suburban, or rural, area where people don't use violence, or the threat of violence, to earn respect.
Ya I live in magic land where I can just wish for that **** and it happens.
It's fine to bring it up here. You asked and we answered. You were irrational and unreasonable. Attacking your wife's family for coming over unannounced is crossing the line.
See above. There is a difference between attacking and aggressively defensing myself. He is a pos with warrants (now in jail) and I don't want that kind of attention drawn to my house. None the less, because he is my wifes brother I would tolerate him being there if I knew he was there.
Implicitly threatening another man who gave your wife a ride home, while chaperoned by her family, is also unreasonable. If the man had been in your house, with your wife, alone, then the hard handshake would have been OK.
Ok, you are right about that.
The key to reining in your emotions is to recognize when they are unreasonable. You may still want to attack her brother. But, if you recognize that it's unreasonable, you will be much less likely to act on your feelings.
It is not always easy to know when ones emotions are unreasonable. I think the way I acted towards the father in law was unreasonable. I didn't attack him, I was just not friendly. The reason he got bit is because he is a dope who doesn't listen when you say, "Hey my rotty got loose, you need to sit on the couch a minute while we round him up and not make any sudden moves until we have the dog secured again". So what does he do but jump off the couch and play-chase one of my kids across the living room?