General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Okay, just for the heck of it about 3 weeks ago I created a profile on one of the popular dating sites and after a lot of creepy responses I moved it to private and only send it to possible candidates. I have met 3 men so far, all just casual meetings at a local coffee place and everyone so far seems so desperate or looking for a quick hookup. I am newly divorced and this whole dating thing is new to me. I do not want a hook up, or to jump into a long term relationship but maybe just get out and start meeting people and test to see if I have any people skills anymore (was married for long time). So am I wasting my time by even trying these sites?
Go to meetup.com and look for groups in your area with similar interests as you. You will find some people that like things you like, and there is no "dating" aspect to it. It is just activities. I've met some interesting people through this as a way to get away from my stbxw and find things to do outside of the house and our relationship. Like you, not to date, but to meet other people and groups and to grow myself.
Just need to think of it as a numbers game, and God forbid - not the place where you want to find your 'soul mate'. I have been on several dates through online dating, and I think having some relatively thick skin is a must. If you don't have it, you will develop it, or you won't be involved in online dating for long.
I can't imagine how inundated you must be with mail from creeps and crap.
As a guy, at this point it is pretty hilarious to read what women are looking for in a man. Apparently all women are looking for one guy ... confident, intelligent, fun, great sense of humor.
My email to date ratio is probably 20 to 1. It's like ebay for people.
A woman I am currently dating said 90% of her emails are creepy. 9% are from guys who seem fine but she simply isn't interested, and 1% get her attention to respond and pursue a date.
She told me the story of a guy who seemed nice, was apparently very attractive, and then sent her an email stating that he masturbated while looking at her picture. WTF? Given this knowledge, I know without a doubt, that I have nothing to worry about in terms of getting dates if that is the competition.
Hang in there. You have complete control over who you choose to interact with. There is a lot of chaff to go through - but the wheat is there too.
I agree Dejoo, it is like the ebay of dating. I will hang in there and keep trying it, maybe I will find that great deal. I think you are right, us women are looking for the same guy with those statements. (/ goes and rewords her wants on her profile) But if I have to see another guy posing in front of his car or shirtless in the mirror, I will just give up lol.
I'm where you are sun. I most on a dating site a few weeks ago. The shirtless photos in front of a mirror are instead "no thanks."
I'm just going to be patient and not have much expectations. I am not looking for a "soulmate" (dislike the word anyway). Looking to get out there and have fun....
I know your not looking for a long term relationship - but I had good luck on Eharmony (i meet some crazies on yahoo singles) - I married the first person I dated from Eharmony. Another friend of mine also met her current husband there. I think it depends on which service you are using as to the 'quality' of the men on there.
Good advice so far. One more thing: look at each person you meet as a potential friend or a definite learning experience, and even the losers and creeps won't bother you as much. I make friends on the site I use (not really ready to date yet), with men and women; I love the forums, too. I'm learning what to look for in profiles as well.
Deejo, all the guys are looking for the same gal, too. Interestingly, it's not her personality or character that seems important; she needs to be "fit" and "attractive" (and apparently need not have any other distinguishing characteristics).
I used Match, I guess when I get more serious about it I will try harmony. I got frustrated with all the questions they asked and realized that maybe I do not know what I am looking for or maybe I do not know myself all that well for that matter.
It's ugly. I have tried them all, basically. Only recently did I stumble upon something nice via eHarmony, though I had been on there for years, and never met anyone who seriously seemed interested in finding someone... seriously, before this fellow. Jury is out though, and he just asked for a break, letting me know that had he not gotten his ex wife pregnant he might never have gotten married. Other experiences I have had via eH include:
- a heart surgeon still hung up on an ex fiance
- someone not over their last thing
- someone else, who, really quite shockingly, was busy asking me if I would sleep with people to get things for myself (and this, a medical doctor), telling me that was his ideal mate
- another medical doctor who... well he was okay
And, I'm not giving it away, even though from these responses it sounds like I might be: I have slept only with the 'break' guy, recently, whose kids I have met, and his family.
I am really, at least a little bit, at wit's end. I feel like giving them all up. And just forgetting about wanting to share my life with anyone. It is way too difficult, I think. Even though all/most of my relationships have largely been... just nice, not really at all difficult. No endless fighting like I hear about happening all the time, no disaster drama, just fun, general life.
But I have had it. At least with the dating sites. A real, in person matchmaker just recently set me up with someone, and we will see... I think he is the paying customer because I am not. But I am definitely losing steam....
Anyone have luck with dating sites? 
