Really need advice on current relationship

sunshine · 04-15-2008, 02:07 PM

I am currently in a relationship of 2 and 1/2 years and we have a house together, pets, etcs. I am debating on leaving my boyfriend and moving out due to stress, anxiety, insecurities (which he caused from the past). I have been on many anti depressants, seen therapists to try and help me. All my problems are stemming from my current relationship. My boyfriend has never cheated before but has done things that I have taken to heart. Things he has done that I take to heart, might not affect someone who is less emotional but for me, it's heart wrenching. He's committeed on other women's picture on the computer, meanwhile, I do not get comments. Comments telling women how sexy they are, hot, etc. He goes on MSN messenger and flirts with women. They will ask him how he likes his new house, but never mentions that he bought it with me. He would visit his friend (women) while I am at work and not tell me because he didn't want me to be upset. He responded to old flings emails by flirting, etc. Basically, it's like he has more interest in other women then me. I must note that he has changed significantly. He no longer goes on MSN messenger and does not go to see women without asking me to join me. The problem is that for the past two years of our relationship, it has been nothing but stupid foolish acts of his that has made me not trust him. I have anxiety when I come home because I am scared he was on the computer doing it again. I am scared if he goes out to clubs because he might do something to hurt me. I have such a hard time explaining my situation. I am just so stressed of being worried all the time. Waiting for the next thing he's going to do to heart my feelings. Is there anything I can do to overcome this? I mean I love him with all my heart but my heart can't take anymore stress or anxiety. I want to be able to trust him but no matter what he does, I find a way to be scared. Any advice is greatly appreciated =(

Amplexor · 04-15-2008, 03:05 PM

Sunshine

Based on your post it looks like you are trying to address this at both ends, which is good. You have seen therapists to help with your anxiety and depression. I suspect you have low self esteem also. If you wish for the relationship to work you need to continue to communicate to him that you need those warm fuzzies too. That they are important to you and your self image. Building trust is difficult to do but you’ll need to work with him to prove he has given up those things that hurt you. From the little information I see in your post he appears to be doing that. Too worry excessively about what he might be doing without proof can turn into a self fulfilling prophecy. Give him the benefit of the doubt and work together as a couple. Successfully building trust in him will help you with your self confidence also. Good luck

SageMother · 04-19-2008, 02:31 PM

It sounds like this relationship is destructive for you. Leaving is a wise choice.

I am sure you would hate to have to make this decision after having married him and having children.

GAsoccerman · 04-20-2008, 12:20 AM

Hey sunshine, sounds like you worry way to much and you really stress yourself out.

I am alot like your boyfriend, I talk to all my old girlfriends. I am a HUGE flirt, I'll talk to any person. I was often seen with my neighbors wife, since our kids were great friends and our schedules were the same, so we would hang out and have a drink and chat while our kids played, you know like on a deck or at my pool in our back yard, etc.

The difference is my wife trusts me, She knows I would never cheat on her, that I do not believe in cheating, I think it is a horrible waste of time, money and stress.

What is the point of cheating? Sex? big deal, I have sex with my spouse all the time, But I ama Social person, a very social person and I build Social bonds rather quickly.

I dated my wife for 7 years, she went to school in another state, so we HAD to learn to trust each other, had no choice, or we would go mad thinking, worrying, obbesssing.

That seems to be your issue, just stressing over nothing. Has anything happened to YOU in the past? past boyfriend cheat on you in the past? I had a girlfriend do that to me.

HAs he really ever given you any true reason to doubt he loves you?

You need to get counselling and try to figure outt he problem you are having with trust. I would also ask your boyfriend to help you get through it.

Your stress and anxiety just may drive him away, I know I would leave if my wife was that way, and so would she if I stressed over her.

you need to learn to trust him and build up your self esteem.

Please see a counselour and work this out.