8 years of Marriage - a huge sham! - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-08-2010, 01:31 PM Thread Starter
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8 years of Marriage - a huge sham!

I need to rant and get some feedback. I feel so betrayed by my wife of 8 years. We both used to be young professionals and had great jobs. After the birth of my daughter 2 years ago my wife told me she was offered a huge increase in salary and a promotion to come back to work. We agreed that was best, I quit my job to raise my daughter and basically run the house. Everything was great up until yesterday. My wife said she'd be out of town, but I went by her office to ask about the income tax statement as I wanted to drop of the tax info as it was on my to-do-list. I get to her office and was told she hasn't worked there for over 3 years. THREE FREAKING YEARS! I found her friend who still works there and she did say she left before she became pregnant. Talk about shock! She thought I had lost it! After we talked, she realized I was serious and thought my wife might be in trouble and gave me the address they forwarded her personal stuff after she left. I'm now kind of asking WTF is going on!?! So I drove the address - a very nice house and go to the door. A nice young woman answers and asks if she can help me. I tell her I'm looking for my wife (by name) and she asks if I am a client. I SAY EXCUSE ME? I am her DAMN HUSBAND and want to know where she is - at which point a rather large man shows up and asks if there is a problem, and then I am told to leave or he'll personally remove me. At this point I am shaking and leave, and go to the police substation. I tell them my story and give them the address and they say, get this, "Oh, yeah. We've been casing that location with the FBI. It's a known prostitution ring." I get grilled for about two hours, and at the end it is suggested I get a hold of my wife and have her to come in to talk with them. I am like, this is a bad freaking dream - but it isn't. I get home and have a drink, ask a friend to take my daughter for the afternoon, and then start frantically calling my wife. She finally calls back and asks why I have called her 20 times!?! I say there is a bit of an emergency - that the FBI wants to talk to her about a prostitution ring, and oh yeah, I know you haven't worked at your old job for three years!!! I hear nothing but silence for about 1 minutes, then she starts to sob and says I can't talk to you now and I'll be home tomorrow.

I am so freaking angry, mad as hell. How can my wife do this crap! I'm thinking about taking my daughter and just leaving, but she is the one who has the job and writes all the checks. while I was typing this I just looked at the last three years income tax returns - and I am so freaking stupid. The employer is not her old employer. How could I have missed that, the $220k salary, frequent business trips and NOT HAVE ASKED QUESTIONS. She is a freaking call girl *****!

I have no money, a 2 year old daughter, and did I mention MY WIFE IS A *****!?! What in the hell do I do!

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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-08-2010, 04:09 PM
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Re: 8 years of Marriage - a huge sham!

I completely agree with squirsh2000. Get some counseling, talk to a lawyer and good luck. Sorry to hear you are in such a horrible situation.
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-09-2010, 02:07 AM
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Re: 8 years of Marriage - a huge sham!

Sorry to hear about your situation.

I know it looks bad at this moment. The best thing to do now is to stay calm. You must listen to her side of the story first and find out what exactly is happening.

I am not saying I support what she has been doing all this while but every one of us do something because of a reason. You need to find out that reason.

You have been living with her for the past 8 years. The last 3 years when she left her job, why didn't you notice anything?

Marriage problems are never the fault of only one spouse..... and it never happen overnight....
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-09-2010, 09:01 AM
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Re: 8 years of Marriage - a huge sham!

Originally Posted by SirBen View Post
... I have no money, a 2 year old daughter, and did I mention MY WIFE IS A *****!?! What in the hell do I do!
You already know what you have to do.

You have to start over.

All anyone can do is wish you luck.

Your marriage is over. Your wife is likely to go to jail. You will need to support yourself and your child. Find a job. Gather every penny you can get your hands on, hire a divorce lawyer, do not waste your money on your wife's legal fees, and do not waste your time on her problems. She abandoned you both long ago. Forget her. You have a daughter to support, and you cannot afford to be confused or weak.

It is time for you to be a hero. A regular man just will not do. Not in this situation. Your daughter's future is hanging by the thinnest of lifelines. Your resolve and your strength are the last hope that she has left. Do not fail her.

Good luck.
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-09-2010, 09:18 AM
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Re: 8 years of Marriage - a huge sham!

I feel so sorry for you, this is beyond what anyone should have to endure.
you don't really know who your wife is, get out with your daughter and make a life for you and her,
Alexny might be right your wife might be going to jail
get all the $$ you can get your hands on and don't worry about what happens to her, she didn't worry about you or your daughter.
Lawyer, do what it takes to protect yourself....
good luck
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-10-2010, 12:24 PM
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Re: 8 years of Marriage - a huge sham!

This is so unbelievable and sad.
I am truly sorry for you to have to go through this...
I am sure there are many of us who read your post and said to ourselves, "D***, and I thought I had it bad."
I agree with the last 3 replies...
Look out for your daughter and yourself... as for your wife - let those chips fall where they may.
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-12-2010, 09:53 AM
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Re: 8 years of Marriage - a huge sham!

What an awful nightmare! I thought things like that only happened in the movies!
You need to rebuild both yours and your daughter's life.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-12-2010, 02:46 PM
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Re: 8 years of Marriage - a huge sham!

Before you decide to leave, I think you need to ask some questions.

First, do you still trust her around your daughter? Would you trust her alone with your daughter? If you can't, I would leave immediately.

What is her emotional state? Will you leaving just drive her into more of this unhealthy and dark lifestyle?

What is the state of her health? I am just guessing, but prostitution can be linked to drugs - and then there are a variety of sexually transmitted diseases (which she put you at risk at).

Based on what you know, you need to make a decision first of what is safest for you and your daughter but understand the impacts it can have on your wife. I suggest contacting the County Social Services office - or any non-profit social service office (maybe one that specializes in woman's issues) and talk with them. She needs help.

Before focusing on the state of your marriage - try focusing on what she needs to do to get herself out of that lifestyle. Do you what you can to help. I can't even imagine how angry you must be - and I know that this will be difficult but she is the mother of your child.

Wishing you the best.
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-17-2010, 11:37 AM Thread Starter
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Re: 8 years of Marriage - a huge sham!

I want to say thanks to everyone who took time to respond. I really was not in my right mind when I Googled marriage advice and ended up here - and mainly needed to blow off steam - but they were helpful. Especially the point about speaking to a lawyer, which I was able to do before my wife got back in town, as well as have the lawyer speak to the police and FBI agent who interviewed me. My lawyer also advised me that I should say nothing else unless he was present as there are some things that need sorting through.
To make a long story short, that afternoon my daughter and moved out at my attorney's and the FBI advise while things sort themselves out. I also was able to get a restraining order against my wife coming near us as well as temporary custody. Through my attorney I confirmed she was involved in the prostitution ring as a call girl. Beyond that, I don't know much more. I don't care to here her side. What she did was inexcusable.
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-17-2010, 01:17 PM
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Re: 8 years of Marriage - a huge sham!

Originally Posted by AlexNY View Post

It is time for you to be a hero. A regular man just will not do.
Best quote ever, i completely agree.

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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-24-2010, 09:46 AM Thread Starter
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Re: 8 years of Marriage - a huge sham!

This week has been like lifting a veil. I spent 4 hours in questioning in front of a grand jury, a federal attorney, a district attorney, my attorney and a judge. I didn't know as much going in as I do now. I suspect an number of arrests will be happening in a week.

Being in front of a grand jury is a question and answer game that unfolds slowly. From what I can reasonably piece together, my wife was the madam. She was traveling to arrange hook-ups for very rich people, which included flying in girls from all over as well as those that lived in the house, which is registered to a business owned by my wife. Apparently the FBI was alerted by an international crime bureau (they said the name but I never heard of it), which contacted local authorities. The charges seem huge - international human trafficking, money laundering, interstate prostitution. I can only imagine when this thing goes public it will be huge. My attorney told me afterward to be prepared for a media avalanche. That is one thing I don't need at this moment.

Apparently the FBI was/is looking at me as an accomplice - something about the joint bank accounts? This I really don't understand, but my attorney picked up on it was well. At the end of the questioning my attorney asked to approach the Judge with the other attorneys. I heard the judge chiding the federal attorney saying I was more than cooperative, then said he was refusing consider freezing joint funds. My attorney had told me to use the joint account but for only what I needed for living expenses but I guess there was a threat to seize them because they include illegal money. Well, duh! I already knew that. Anyhow, there must be a separate grand jury hearing other pieces of evidence - including things about me! My attorney has inquires into the FBI guy who questioned me, but he said if they are going to do anything it will most likely come out of the blue, and told me about how the posting of bail, etc. works. And I am the victim here!

I'm going to chronicle the story here as it unfolds. If there is ever a made-for-TV drama, this is it. This is no way for my daughter to have to spend her third year of life. I have no idea how my wife feels - haven't spoken to her in weeks. But she has hell to pay, and the bill is coming real soon.
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-24-2010, 10:57 AM
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Re: 8 years of Marriage - a huge sham!

I wish you the best. I don't want to sound pessimistic, I am just curious about your daughter. Do you think he is really yours given the kind of job that your wife was engaged to? So sorry to bring this up. I am just curious.
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