sehmom03

i first will say i had my mistake 6 yrs ago. my h staied and we moved on, had another child. this past summer his friend came back from spain to visit and attend my sil wedding. i knew this friend was more then a friend to my h before and last time she was here he acted like a dog in heat. i was worried about it and he knew it, i worked my ass off to get in better shape (i had lost 50 pounds,, and altogether 70 now) well weddin came i kept her by my side i can tell he was not happy he didnt get tim ewith her. well the day after the wedding he was to be workin but ask me if he can tak eher out to talk,, i said no, but he said if i didnt allow him we would hav marriage probs. so what was i to do? i cried and cried and told him he is going to get messed up in the head by do in this,, he was to be back at 8 pm. he picked her up at 430 and was hom eat 1 am, for at least 4 hrs noone could get ahold of him sinc he turned off the phone, when he got hime yes i was pissed! then 2 days later he says he wants to leave he has not loved me in past 5 yrs. alot other things he said also. then he took our saving and bought a laptop and first thing he did was add her to a fb account! so they sat there talkin while i was in the other chair but he faced to where i can tsee.. he says they didnt have sex or touch,,, was talked about but they didnt. but he did admit to emotional affair. thing is this was in june, it is now feb and he still has ntio said i love you. he shows me i guess, he is nice and we communicate better, he says he does not talk to her anymore but he will not remove her off his ffb,, get this he says she makes me a better person! anyway,, i just want some advice, and no im not leaving, but how do i deal with this? the trust and the parinoa? he has hurt me so bad,, and with him still choosin her over my feelings well,,, i just dont know,, i am in a funkj right now of self protection and the wall has gone up. please help