Going out of my mind!!!

johnson0456 · 02-17-2010, 11:25 AM

my husband and I have know each other for years, but we have only been married for 4.
yes we had our first child right after we were married , and i know that it adds stress, but what has been going on is more than that.
I feel like he does not listen to me, i mean really listen, so when we have something that upsets us , the communication is no good.
when we fight i try to focus on what the problem is so we can fix it and move past it, but on of his favorite things to do is bring up the past , you always did this, you never do this. he can't just focus on the now. i know that have haven't made the best choices in my my past but i'm trying to learn from them and do better but it doesn't help when you have some one that throws it in your face.
i have tried listening to him letting talk all he wants and then when he is done try to say my piece and, he tells me no he don't want to hear it ... that i have been talking the whole time...(but i haven't said a word)
i don't know he tells me that i am a hypocrite that i tell him not to do something and then i do it, and you know i may be guilty of it once or twice, but i think that he doesn't hear what i say , so misunderstands.
it has been getting so bad lately, he just gets so defensive, and has been calling me names, and i just don't know what to to. its not like we fight every day or something but when we do, i can feel the emotional hurt for days after, wondering why i'm even here, lke his life would be better if i wasn't there anymore, .... i don't know

MEM11363 · 02-17-2010, 11:32 AM

Tape record 2 of your fights. I am serious - just 2. And then show him your post below and calmly explain that you will lose your love for him and that no woman can love a man over time who acts like that. And then when he denies it play the tapes for him. And if he just argues more/is meaner - you are likely better off leaving.

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnson0456

my husband and I have know each other for years, but we have only been married for 4.
yes we had our first child right after we were married , and i know that it adds stress, but what has been going on is more than that.
I feel like he does not listen to me, i mean really listen, so when we have something that upsets us , the communication is no good.
when we fight i try to focus on what the problem is so we can fix it and move past it, but on of his favorite things to do is bring up the past , you always did this, you never do this. he can't just focus on the now. i know that have haven't made the best choices in my my past but i'm trying to learn from them and do better but it doesn't help when you have some one that throws it in your face.
i have tried listening to him letting talk all he wants and then when he is done try to say my piece and, he tells me no he don't want to hear it ... that i have been talking the whole time...(but i haven't said a word)
i don't know he tells me that i am a hypocrite that i tell him not to do something and then i do it, and you know i may be guilty of it once or twice, but i think that he doesn't hear what i say , so misunderstands.
it has been getting so bad lately, he just gets so defensive, and has been calling me names, and i just don't know what to to. its not like we fight every day or something but when we do, i can feel the emotional hurt for days after, wondering why i'm even here, lke his life would be better if i wasn't there anymore, .... i don't know

johnson0456 · 02-17-2010, 11:36 AM

I think you may be right. i think that if we both can hear what happens in our fight (by recording it) then maybe we can start working on better communication with each other during our fights...