Losing interest in just about everything...help

kimmiek · 04-23-2008, 08:43 AM

Well, in a nutshell...

* We've been together for about a year and half, married for the majority of that time.

* Everything in the beginning was the best! Lovey-dovey, sex all the time, always having fun...just like I've always imagined marriage would be.

* After about 6-7mo of living together we decided to sleep in separate rooms because we're both horrible snorers and I'm a very light sleeper. If we even try to sleep in the same bed, one of us ends up going in another room, most of the time it's me...and my hubby wakes up alone and hurt that I left...even though he knows I can't sleep well to begin with.

* Ever since then, the fun has stopped, the sex has stopped...it's just completely boring. I feel like it's my fault because I'm the one losing interest. Not him. It's like I completely could care less if I was married anymore. I love him, but it's not that newlywed love anymore. Sometimes the attraction will magically come back, but it's short lived and it's more gone than not. I feel awful that I don't feel the same anymore plus he doesn't deserve my bad attitude and general grumpiness that seems to come from no where. I really really do want things to be the way they used to, but have no idea how to get it back...(hence why I joined this site)

* At first we thought maybe it was hormonal because I do have fertility issues where I don't ovulate like I should, etc...so we tried meds. That didn't help my mood at all...just gave me zits! It's at the point now where I'm just annoyed by everything he does and says, my mood is awful when I'm around him and I don't know why. Nothing about him has changed since we were first together. Maybe I just need to go see a shrink or something.

I'm sorry for rambling, but once I started typing my fingers seemed to not stop. Any advice or input is greatly appreciated

draconis · 04-23-2008, 01:21 PM

Kim ~ This isn't an unusual thing to happen and infact you are right about on target to the nature of things. When you first meet someone chemicals in your body increase causing the buterflies. The hightened chemicals only last about 6-9 months then slowly go away. They can always be sparked again but it is harder to do with someone you already have felt this way before.

So here is my advice, if he is a good guy one that you wouldn't mind being married to, then make a go at it with a one a day/one a week.

The one a day is always try to do a nice thing for them once every day. It can be a note, e-mail, a card etc. I do this with my wife and it seems to really help are relationship even after ten years and it really doesn't put you out for cost.

At least once a week go on a date even if it is a picnic in the park. To many marriages fall apart because they are left to mundane life and that isn't what attracts you to a person.

Also try intamacy. Hold hands, hugging, kissing, massage etc. The more you touch one another the more magic it feels like is there.

If you feel depressed by all means talk to your doctor and maybe he/she can direct you to a psychologist or therapist that can walk you through so you can discover the underlining issues.

I wish you the best and I hope you stick with the forums.

draconis

SageMother · 04-29-2008, 12:27 PM

Too many people call that "butterflies in the stomach" thing love. It is infatuation, which is a form of anxiety. It would be unnatural for that to continue at a fevered pitch for more than a few months.

Love actually starts when your relationship becomes a "secular devotion". You devote your energy and time to your partner in a way that you deny to others. It is the life you build together, the ease with which you support each other emotionally, and finding your partner someone you want in your life.

Don't panic. You are about to have a real marriage!