Boring Wife ! Women please help me here.
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Old 02-27-2010, 12:26 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Lightbulb Boring Wife ! Women please help me here.

This is my first post, so please excuse me if I'm not doing this correctly. I am looking for ANY advice from the women out there that might be able to help steer me in the right direction as to getting my wife back that I knew several, several years ago.
Quick background first, my wife and I have been married for 16 years, we have two (beautiful) children 8 and 3. We both work fulltime and participate in alot of activities that involve the children. My wife is much better than good looking and does not lack in the dept. of being naturally attractive. We dont get out much and always find stuff to do around (whether in or outside) the house. We both are avid runners and love to workout whenever we can. My wife currently takes birth control.
Okay, heres my dilemna . . . my wife has no spontanaity, she lacks any sex drive, and when I do beg for it, she will typically give in every other week. When we are together, its the same ol' place, the same ol' time and the same ol' routine. When we are together she does'nt say anything, she does'nt move, she does not show any interest as to why she is even with me. More importantly, and this might sound a little odd, but I'm really affected by how she does'nt even do the little things that I believe all healthy relationships do, and thats the simple whisper in the ear when standing together in line at the grocery store ( " I love you honey " ) or a quick rub of the back when watching one of the kids singing at the school. Or even better yet, how bout not wearing any panties when going out to dinner with me, and giving me a quick flash right after the waiter serves us our glasses of wine ? Dont get me wrong, I love my wife with all my heart, and I KNOW she loves me the same way, its just that I need to find a way to get her out of her shell. Is she cheating on me? No way. She neither has the time to get away or the resources to do so, so I'm not worried about that. We used to crazy things BEFORE KIDS, but ever since have dropped off dramatically. There are even times when we are driving in the car, and I place my hand on her leg, and she picks my hand and removes it from her leg. We went from being together 50 times a year down to 26 times a year. We used to wake up in the middle of our sleep going at it with one another, to having to set 5 minutes aside before the kids wake up on the weekends now. She doesnt like giving or recieving oral and won't use the toys she bought from several years ago. ( I wonder if they still work ? lol ) She always usses the excuse that I dont help around the house as much AS SHE WANTS ME TO, ( I do plenty, I help with the laundry, I do ALL THE DISHES ALL THE TIME I shop for groceries quite often, and clean the bathrooms periodically. ) I feel that she does not give herself the time she deserves for herself quite often. I bring this matter up and she always tells me to mind my own business. I feel that if she doesnt stress herself out on several other matters ( money, kids, work . . ) that she might be able to find a way to break out of this shell.
Please give any input you might feel help us get out of our rutt.
Once again, things are good between us . . . I just want them SUPER !
Thanks for all your help in adavance.
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Old 02-27-2010, 12:48 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Boring Wife ! Women please help me here.

Get a vasectomy ASAP and get her to STOP taking birth control. for many women bc pills KILL their drive


Quote:
Originally Posted by BigPops View Post
This is my first post, so please excuse me if I'm not doing this correctly. I am looking for ANY advice from the women out there that might be able to help steer me in the right direction as to getting my wife back that I knew several, several years ago.
Quick background first, my wife and I have been married for 16 years, we have two (beautiful) children 8 and 3. We both work fulltime and participate in alot of activities that involve the children. My wife is much better than good looking and does not lack in the dept. of being naturally attractive. We dont get out much and always find stuff to do around (whether in or outside) the house. We both are avid runners and love to workout whenever we can. My wife currently takes birth control.
Okay, heres my dilemna . . . my wife has no spontanaity, she lacks any sex drive, and when I do beg for it, she will typically give in every other week. When we are together, its the same ol' place, the same ol' time and the same ol' routine. When we are together she does'nt say anything, she does'nt move, she does not show any interest as to why she is even with me. More importantly, and this might sound a little odd, but I'm really affected by how she does'nt even do the little things that I believe all healthy relationships do, and thats the simple whisper in the ear when standing together in line at the grocery store ( " I love you honey " ) or a quick rub of the back when watching one of the kids singing at the school. Or even better yet, how bout not wearing any panties when going out to dinner with me, and giving me a quick flash right after the waiter serves us our glasses of wine ? Dont get me wrong, I love my wife with all my heart, and I KNOW she loves me the same way, its just that I need to find a way to get her out of her shell. Is she cheating on me? No way. She neither has the time to get away or the resources to do so, so I'm not worried about that. We used to crazy things BEFORE KIDS, but ever since have dropped off dramatically. There are even times when we are driving in the car, and I place my hand on her leg, and she picks my hand and removes it from her leg. We went from being together 50 times a year down to 26 times a year. We used to wake up in the middle of our sleep going at it with one another, to having to set 5 minutes aside before the kids wake up on the weekends now. She doesnt like giving or recieving oral and won't use the toys she bought from several years ago. ( I wonder if they still work ? lol ) She always usses the excuse that I dont help around the house as much AS SHE WANTS ME TO, ( I do plenty, I help with the laundry, I do ALL THE DISHES ALL THE TIME I shop for groceries quite often, and clean the bathrooms periodically. ) I feel that she does not give herself the time she deserves for herself quite often. I bring this matter up and she always tells me to mind my own business. I feel that if she doesnt stress herself out on several other matters ( money, kids, work . . ) that she might be able to find a way to break out of this shell.
Please give any input you might feel help us get out of our rutt.
Once again, things are good between us . . . I just want them SUPER !
Thanks for all your help in adavance.
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Old 02-27-2010, 01:01 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Boring Wife ! Women please help me here.

Funny you mentioned that. I will ( or was going to ) be making an appt in the very near future. I hope (AND PRAY) that works.
Thanks for the advice.
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Old 02-27-2010, 05:02 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Boring Wife ! Women please help me here.

My husband actually had similar complaints about me. We did a quiz and one of the questions was, what first attracted you to your spouse. His response, Fun and outgoing . Is she still that way, NO not since kids. I was quite surprised by his response, I did not think that was the case. I used to be spontaneous, fun etc... Knowing my husband felt this way really caused me to have a look and realize that he was right. I took matters into my own hands and have tried to change the things that I could change but I also realized that I was alot more fun with my friends then with husband so i told him. We realized that we both quit being fun. We are now trying to find common interests that dont involve the children. Sexually my husband used to do things like run me a hot bath and bring me a glass of wine and a magazine to read. It always put me in the mood because I wanted to show him my appreciation. When his affection waned so did my libido as the emotional connection was always my biggest turn on. I dont know if any of this helps but what ever you do, don't pull back....it only makes matters worse.
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Old 02-27-2010, 05:56 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Boring Wife ! Women please help me here.

If you could only do 2 things
- get her off bc AND
- you need to read
"mating in captivity"

you are too nice and too loving and too emotionally close to her - a woman wants sex to pull her man closer to her - if he is already to nice/close/loving that is a turnoff


Quote:
Originally Posted by BigPops View Post
Funny you mentioned that. I will ( or was going to ) be making an appt in the very near future. I hope (AND PRAY) that works.
Thanks for the advice.
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Old 05-11-2010, 12:18 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Boring Wife ! Women please help me here.

After a few months of this that and the other thing, it has been determined that my wife has been keeping a secret from me.
She filled me in (finally) that she has a small bout with Vaginal Prolapse. She says it hurts a bit when we are together. She still doesnt show any interest in wanting to be with me. Touching, kissing, holding hands, quick rubs on the back, etc.
I asked her if she thought about getting this issue patched up and she said "NO WAY". She says she is absoulutely TERRIFIED to go under the knife (knocked out) and have them do what they are going to do to her, "down there". She is affraid of being violated along with the possibility of not waking up. My question to the reading audience, is what can I do to get her fixed ?
All she does, is blames me for saying shes broke. I never say such a thing, as all I do is ask her how and when we can fix this.
Cuz if nothing happens . . . we can shoot are almost NON-existant sex life even further down the toilet. We have 2 kids. The youngest is 3 and a half years old. Is Vaginal Prolapse something that can happen that late after giving birth ?
She is in great shape 125 lbs, 5 foot 10 and runs quite often.
If I can get her to fix her dealy, and I go in for my Vasactomey, hopefully we can work on her self esteem and self confidence, let her love herself before she can love the rest of her (entire) family the way THEY SHOULD BE LOVED.
Thanks for listening everyone, I really appreciate any advice I could get !
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Old 05-11-2010, 06:44 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Boring Wife ! Women please help me here.

I had a friend with vaginal prolapse just a few months ago. It was actually 3 surgeries in one (for bladder, vagina, and rectum), and it was just awful for her for many days following the surgery. Then weeks later she still couldn't go to the bathroom and had to continue wearing her colostomy bag. Luckily, she is a nurse and knew how to change them regularly.

Your wife's fears are normal, I think. A lot of people are terrified of having surgery. But if you are able to convince her to do it, what she endures after this particular surgery will make you wish you had kept quiet LOL. Obviously, for the sake of your healthy marriage, but mainly for her own health, she needs to go on and get the surgery. But she will make you pay, buddy.

Sorry, I have no idea how you can talk her into it. I'm very surprised her doctor hasn't. Right now the problem might be slight, but what is to prevent full prolapse? That can be painful. Maybe not always, but what will she do then?
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