Join Date: Feb 2010
| | long story but please i need help bad...
hi i need some advise from some women i am a man, i am married my wife has been with me 5 years now i am 21 she is 19 we have an 8 month old son together. i recently enlisted in the us army, at first she did not want me to and i talked her into it, i just got back home the army kicked me out/i wanted out.im going to give full details first.when we first got together she was 15 and i was 17 she lived in GA and i lived in SC her parents were never married but they have been suppurated since she was 5, she was dating my friend and he was cheating on her but she did not know about it she is a good person but he was my friend so i didn't tell her well one night she came up from GA and was going to surprise him and he was with the other girl so he broke up with my wife before she could get to his house to find out about the other girl.my wife called me because we were friends(me and her)and i met her at a restaurant and we talked and i cheered her up(we had an unspoken love nether one of us said anything to the other about it but we could feel it or maybe we just thought the other was hot and wanted to be with them lol) well i hung out with her that night and i took her back to the hotel she was at and we made love in the parking lot.well she stayed broke up with that guy and we just saw different people because we thought that it would be best if we stayed friends well 6 months later we figured we would give it a shot and we have "been together ever since" i say that because she left me after about 1 1/2 years because she wanted her freedom and she came back after about a month to get the rest of her things and i kissed her and then we made love and she said she had been telling herself that she didn't love me anymore because she wanted to have freedom to do what she wanted i was a controlling bastard so i had it coming.she moved in with me when we had been dating about 2 years(her mom is an abusive alcoholic so she moved out) then in October of 2008 she said she did not love me anymore and she wanted her freedom so i gave her a car so that she would have transportation back and forth to work hell i even tried to find a place for her to stay but she found a guy on craigslist,well this time she she moved in with a guy who needed a roommate(found him on craigslist) well the first night she was there she was crying on the couch and he came down and took advantage of the situation and they had sex, i called her to try and work things out everyday i called ,she had been gone about a week and called me balling her eyes out she said im pregnant, so i immediately left work to come and talk to her, and about a week after that she decided that she did love me and we needed to try to work things out i had a paternity test done and hes mine, and then in august of 2009 we got married about 2 weeks after we got married she started seeing that same guy the affair lead on they did not see each other in september because she knew she was doing wrong she said she loved me it was very faint but she loved me me but they started back up in october and i found out in mid october, she immediately stopped and he moved to nebraska. she said she would try work things out with me that she did fell a little bit of love for me, now i recently enlisted in the us army she did not want me to go in at first but i basically put a guilt trip on her and she let me enlist i left in beginning of january i had psychotic break down and i wanted out/they kicked me out of the army she resents me for this because i forced her to let me go in/ she told me i would not be able to handle it/a career in the military was a dream of hers but after we talk about it after about 2-3 weeks she said she would try to forgive me for it(for wanting out) and we had alot of work to do on us but her words"as long as we had each other we could get through anything" this whole time its been i love you i miss you god i cant wait for you to get back home. well she said she and my parents were on their way down to the post where i was located at it was the 25th of febuary,and she is going to come running up and jump into my arms... i see the car and i see my parents and my son but my wife was not there.. is she back at the hotel room?i wonder to my self. no the first words out of my fathers mouth is (i call her jane) jane wants a divorce... she is seeing your best friend this guy who i thought i could trust hes 37 hes married to my cousin been married 15 years, hes been my freind for 8 years he was there for me everytime she left me, my older brother died about 5 years ago, this "friend" of mine became my new brother when he died he was there for me.this guy i loved him like a brother, i made him the godfather of my son!, i trusted this guy so much. i talk to my wife and she says she is in love with him, and he says he is in love with her.they have not had sex because they are still both married and they dont want to hurt my feelings anymore than they already are.NOW THOUGH i am going to tell you about the bad person i have been, when my wife was still in high school she was 16 she said she wanted to drop out of high school to spend more time with me i told her that if she stayed in school we would probibly not stay together but i did tell her not to worry about it because her education was more important than we were, she droped out and started being homeschooled she droped out of homeschooling beacause 1. she had horrible grades,2.she wanted to move up to SC with me,3.she said she was tired of school and wanted to just get her GED.,but i told her that she need to stay in because even with a college degree a HS diploma looks alot better in your career than a GED she didnt care, she moved in with me, she wanted to go to new york with her mom her mom bought her a plane ticket it was supposed to be a surprise girls only trip i was jelous and told her that if she went i would leave her,she didnt go to new york, i bought me and my wife tickets to go see a band called "the fray" we went to the hard rock cafe in FL to see them, my mother-in-law asked my wife if they were any good? and my wife love the fray so of course she said yes well her mom bought her and my wife 2 tickets to go see the fray,i was jelous so i did not let her go. i had a horrible,HORRIBLE view of a womens place in the world which i dont think is th way things are supposed to be now i believe that women can do what ever a man does but with a womens touch lol( my father and mothers views is where i got it from) my wife would want to work and i would pitch such a ***** about it because i thought that a man worked and supported his house and a women took care of his kids and his house, so everytime my wife would get a job i would make her quit it by guilt tripping her within less than a month,she quit 2 jobs because of me not just because of me she would be tired of going into work at one, and the other she was waitress and only making like20-40 dollars a week and having to drive my truck 10 mins 1 way to get there, BUT i still guilt tripped her about it, she quit those jobs, i used work long hours at work and i would come home and she would ask me to take care of our son just for a few hours so she could unwind a little bit,and i wouldnt help her out "i was to tired to deal with him" she would ask me for help with the house work,it was always the same excuse "i just worked a long day at work and im not doing any house work,i go to work you clean and take care of our son",now ill tell you about the good things when my wife left me last time she told me that one of the things that bothered her was my not helping around the house and not helping with our son. so i started no matter how long my day was i would come home take care of our son,and do some house work like laundry,dishes,cleaning,cooking and even now she says that i did give her a break almost everyday and on the weekends i would tell her to go out with her girlfriends and have fun although after about 3-4 hours i was ready to pull my hair out and i was calling her to see what was i doing wrong in the care for our son lol but she would have to come home because i would be really bad stressed out (he was teething ate that time) and she could come home and he would see her and immediately stop crying.but i never did anything else besides that. and right before i left we moved out of our apartment we had and into my aunts house and by me getting out of the army i gave up all the stability we had and that what she wants and she resents me for making her give up her apartment, i feel like a **** bag,like murky pond scum.every time my wife would leave me she would say she left because i would just walk all over her, and that made her unhappy(DUH) and i would tell her that i could make her happy again but i only did stuff to be a better husband and father, i never did anything to be a better partner. i always had the money to buy me stuff but i never had the money to buy her stuff like good make-up, new clothes, new shoes nothing, and she would be stressed out and i wouldn't care ,and we never spent quality time with each other.BUT while i was at basic training the army broke me down and striped away all those bad things that i did i am not the same person anymore i think god put me in the army to see how much of a horrible person i was to my wife.i tryed to stay in but the army told me no.so i figured that since the didnt let me go home god was keeping me there for a reason, for me to see all my horrible actions that i had done to my wife,i took her hopes and dreams and wiped my ass with them i feel like and that is horrible wrong, i now see that what i had when i left was a great thing.my wife told me that if i came home we might wind up getting a divorce but unknown to me she had decided that day i told her that she wanted a divorce, i have been gone a total of 7 weeks after i had been gone 1 week i went crazy (literally im not making this up i have papers saying that i was a danger to my unit and the military) my wife said she didnt love me and within a week and a half of that so about my 2 1/2 weeks there she decided she was in love with my best friend, and they only kissed but they love each other "so they say" my friend told me once he "would kill for what i have"exact words and my wife told me she has not loved me since she found out she was pregnant with our son. but my wife chose to keep all this information away from me while i was there because i had suicidal thoughts.so she lied to me everyday since i was there i have known for about 4 days now, i am a different man now i told my wife while i was still there to go out and buy her some new clothes,get her nails done , get really good make up you know to go on a girls shopping spree, because i saw what all i have taken from her while i was there and she stuck with me through it all, and my plan is to give her all the things that i took from her all her dreams all her hopes i am going to make damn sure she gets them all and i want to be a better partner to give her something to love me for but she wants no part of it she says she resents me for all those things i took from her and she is angry at me for it, and even though she sees im a changed man and that im that guy she fell in love with years ago she said she just doesn't want to try to love me, she says she loves me but she is in love with my friend and she wants after hers and my friends divorces are settled they want to try dating each other they are just "friends" for now because they have to be, i think she sees that im different now but its like every time i start to get through to her she just flips out and starts yelling and screaming at me.and then dosent want me to touch her(for a hug) which she is ok with when i dont talk to her about our marriage,and she does not know why i still love her after this,hell all i can say to her is that when you love somebody you can work through anything.we have had sex twice since i have been back and i have not said this to her but for one if she was in love with him she wouldnt be willing to have sex with me at the drop of a hat,i mean we have always had a very healthy sex life but i have never ever cheated on her i mean well the first time we broke up when she went to GA for month she had been gone for like 2 weeks and she told me she loved me but she also loved this girl and she couldnt make up her mind who she loved more,so i hooked up with this other chick and we had sex like 2 times and then my wife came back to my house to get all her stuff and we made love so..she is also willing to take a weekend trip to the beach with me and our son but she loves my freind? she says its because she know that i need someone to talk to which i do but she does tell him i love you and there is so much care in her voice, i get really depressed when she says that.i just dont know,is my marriage able to be saved she says shes tired of trying that she just does not want to anymore that shes in love with someone else now, is she placing her feelings for me into my friend? is she just so worried that im going to hurt her again like all the other times shes just to afraid to try? would it be possible to make her see she still has some "love" feelings for me because if i could make her feel any amount of in love with me i could get her back and do right by her this time? and never make those mistakes again. somebody talk to me. tell me if theres any hope for me and my wife to figure something out?