Help me understand my husband please - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-02-2010, 05:19 PM Thread Starter
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Unhappy Help me understand my husband please


I have been married 5 years now on Saint Patrick's Day 2010, and I am still having communication issues in my marriage. My husband was in a relationship for someone for nearly 7 years before we met, and she cheated on him constantly. I have only had this one relationship, so I have not had these experiances. We have been together for a total of 8 years now, and we have a 2 year old little girl.

I have come to the relization that my husband has an "I dont care if you stay or go" attitude toward me. I am a very lieniant wife and hardly say no to him in any circumstance but a few instances have made me uncomfortable.

First, I was trying to connect my husbands blackberry phone to our laptop to go online and I saw that there was an email from I had brought this up to him, and he stated that he did not sign up for this. Even though I tend to suffer in silence, I did cry about this. I felt betrayed and like he was looking for something better. Then another pulled up a few days later for I started to wonder. This one stated to activate your account please click here...

My husband just learned how to use his phone and a computer so he is not tech savy. This made me feel a little better. Then when I was texting him from work, he wouldnt text back or answer my calls. I noticed when I got home that instead of talking to me, he and my sister N law were having a full conversation. That following day he started asking me questions about where she was and who she had gone with.

I am not a jealous person, but I am miserable. I dont know how to fix this, or if it is me. I just want to cry all the time. HELP!

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-02-2010, 09:59 PM
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Re: Help me understand my husband please

Be very vigilant with these actions. My insecurity in our relationship started when I discovered my husband with an account on Swingers, Free Adult Chat & Adult Personals Site - Adult FriendFinder. At that time I can access his email and saw an email from this website telling my husband to activate the account. Since I got access, I activated it for him and in there it says he wants to extend his experience and he was just looking for extra curricular activities. Lo and behold, he is not tech savvy. I confronted him with divorce at that time. Imagine, he did this one month after I gave birth to our son. I have not even fully recovered from giving birth and this is what he did. I emailed his parents and him telling them, I cannot take it and I would like to file for divorce.

He, of course, denied he accessed the website and created an account. I did not believe him. Why? Because I know my way around computers and I was able to check the IP address of the creator of the account and it matches his IP address. So, who created the account? Me?

From then on, I became suspicious of what he say and what he does. So, be very vigilant with your husband's actions. Things like this can demoralize a woman no matter how confident she is and successful she is in other aspects of her life. These sorts of actions can make one definitely insecure of the relationship.

Hoping for the best for you.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-04-2010, 11:17 PM
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Re: Help me understand my husband please

hey ive had the same issues with my H before we were married and now some too and the only thing i can do is give you a option to think about and thats to tell him your fed up with the way he is acting and leave it at that dont argue with him just tell him in a normal voice and walk away then if he seems to be trying then give it a while and then slowly start making him talk to you but if not then pack up and leave for about 3 days but make sure its a weekend or when ever he has a couple days off so he can sit around and think i know it may sound mean or harsh but it should work make him realize he needs/wants you. but if he dont call or ask you to come back then move on and i know thats hard to hear but you have too its not fair to you to have to walk on eggshells in your own home. I hope this helps and i hope things work out for your family
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-05-2010, 12:49 AM
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Re: Help me understand my husband please

'and she cheated on him constantly'
Might wanna try and communicate, clarify things a bit. To cope with being cheated on people learn to be distant, learn that they might be ok cheating too if their spouse already is...etc....
I mean, cheating hurts us all. If it happens once people might turn to normal in a couple of days/weeks/months. If it happens more times you've surely already developed distance and a plan concerning your SO and possibly other spouses in the future. Maybe talk things over with him, ask him how he stands about cheating? Reasure him you wouldn't but you're worried about him and that he should understand because he knows how it is?

Don't take my suggestion for granted...unless you feel it fits your relationship.

- When people are laughing, they're generally not killing one another. -
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-05-2010, 08:01 AM
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Re: Help me understand my husband please

I think you need to stop suffering in silence and start telling him how you feel.

That doesn't mean that you go in hard shouting divorce and giving ultimatums, it means that you sort your head out, figure out what you want to say and then say it.

If you keep on suffering in silence then you will keep on getting what you're getting from him.

Don't take his interest in your sister in law for granted. There's a reason he's asking about her and you need to wake up to that fact before you have a serious mess on your hands.

You sound as though you need to look after yourself and take care of your confidence and self-esteem. You don't have to put up with that kind of behaviour and there's no reason you should.
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