SOOOO Much excellent advice here!! I couldn't have shared better myself. I do HOPE that , even though you are a Christian, you can see the deep Value & HOPE in these replies, from others who may not share your same beliefs, but DO understand the Human condition & how some can fall - like your wife, even hide things - given our response to them. You do realize MOST women NEVER have to make the hard choice your wife was faced with.
That loosing you WAS indeed her fate IF she has been honest all those years ago, as you made that VERY VERY CLEAR. Do you know how excrutiatingly difficult that would be for a woman who felt she found the LOVE OF HER LIFE - to watch it slip through her fingers? What a tormenting choice. Ask yourself this hard question
: If you could go back in time, which would you have changed >>>> Her Honesty - meaning you would have dumped her & married another? or YOUR Rigidity on this issue? Meaning you would have fogiven her past, accepted her, delt with this early on & enjoyed these last 25 yrs - probably more so ?
IF these last 25 yrs have been truly Blessed & a gift from God above, I find it rather AMAZING - as she KNEW she could never
feel SAFE enough to fully share WHO she was at her core, where she came from, her struggles, her weaknesses -without Judgement from her husband, her closest friend, her Lover, her Protector in life. I would think this alone would cause her much inner turmoil, even silent pain. She loved you SO much, she sacrificed who she was to KEEP you, to be what you wanted in a wife.
Maybe after many many years of feeling she could never ultimately live up to the holy virginous woman you believed she was, but instead just a weak fallable human being needing acceptance, she has found herself almost NEEDING to reach out to others who can accept her in ALL of who she is, with no hiding anymore - Old boyfriend she was on the phone with maybe?
Please, I hope you can see these things do not have to be. Everyone has problems in marraige, Christians and Non-Christians alike.
We all NEED to feel SAFE when we open up to our spouses about anything & everything. Maybe this is ALL she needs from YOU
- for you to allow her to be WHAT SHE IS -finally, before you, flaws, mistakes and all and for you to take her in your arms, hold her & tell her "Everything will be OK, I treasure our life together, I love you, I have always loved you" and (maybe even) - I am even very happy you lied to me! LOVE can get past anything
Since you are a Christian , maybe you would enjoy this forumThe Marriage Bed • Index page