Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Central Virginia
Re: Grumpy, miserable wife
Some people think that it's ok to take out their emotions on those closest to them-and so they do. As long as you tolerate it, nothing will change.
There is a fine line between supporting someone and putting up with mistreatment. A spouse can be there to listen to one express anger, sadness, simple frustration with the realities of life. But acting out because of those (normal) feelings is where things go wrong.
Sometimes all we need when we are acting childish (by taking out our emotions on others), is for someone to recognize our feelings, label them for us, and give us a hug. It's almost a cliche to say "Wow, you sound really _____; let me give you a hug," but that's b/c it works.
If you respond differently to her, she may begin to respond differently to you. Offer support to her while she has these unpleasant feelings, but don't let her blame you for them or treat you poorly b/c she's feeling them. If she won't let you comfort her, walk away, and tell her you will support her when she can stop directing her unpleasant feelings at you.