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Registered User
Join Date: May 2008
Location: South
Posts: 2
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Is this love?
I married my husband when we were both 17. We had only been together for 4 months, 1 month of that we didn't see each other b/c I got caught sneaking out to see him and was forbidden from seeing him. After a month of sneaking phone calls, and sneaking off the school bus , and begging my mom to let me just move out, I got caught once again and she caved and said we could get married, she didn't think we would go through with it. 3 weeks into the marriage he turned 18 and his ex (who lived in another state and who he wouldn't tell he was married b/c he didn't want to hurt HER feelings) sent a really nice tommy shirt and her mother sent him a cake. When the present arrived he went in our room and when I went in to follow he slammed the door on me and told me to get the F out, nice right!! He refused to return the gift, again b/c he didn't want to hurt her feelings, never mind that he was hurting me his WIFE!! He nver sent it back he gave it to his friend.
Being young and dumb I couldn't just let it go, when I would talk with him about it he would tell me I was over reacting and he didn't do anything wrong. Well the ex called his mother's house to see if he got the gift and his mom told her he was now married, when my spouse found out he was furious. I don't think I was being unreasonable in expecting him to put me before his ex. Five months into our marriage he shipped out to GA for basic training, we could only communicate through letters. After the way we started our marriage I didn't trust that he wasn't still communicating with his ex. During his mid cycle pass, where we could go visit with him, it was my 18th b-day and things went great, he was happy to see me other than he told I still needed to lose weight ( I only weighed 120lbs @ 5'6"). When he graduated, he wan't so happy to see me, he still wanted me to lose weight, this weight thing started before he left for the army. His first station was in Korea, and I couldn't go, i got my first job working with animals and I loved it. I did gain some weight at this point, I weighed 135. His dad died and he came home for a week, after he went back he was trying every thing he could to get out after less than a year of service. He came home a week after his b-day, no gift from his ex came YAY.
The next year was rough we had a lot of problems, I started to work at TGI Fridays, and guys would hit on me all the time, give me there #'s, ask me out. It felt weird being at work and being told how hot u are and then going home and hearing how fat and repulsive u are. On New Years Eve we went to this family thing downtown b/c we were not old enough to drink and stuff. I saw some friends from work in a bar, and we all thought I could go in and get them to buy us some beer because I was the only one that could get in a club, being that I was 18 and a girl.Well I got in there and was actually enjoying myself and decided I didn't want to spend my night being misarable so I stayed inside without telling my husband. The night went on with them sending messages in for me to come out and I wouldn't, we ended up leaving out a back door and I spent the night with these "friends". The next morning I went home and the next month was hell. I wanted a divorce but he said he would die if I left him, feeling like everything was my fault I stayed. In late march I found out I was pregnant, he didn't think the baby was his, for the record I never cheated. Throughout the next 8 months he told me he would leave if I didn't lose the weight I had gained while pregnant, my grandmother was dying from cancer, he started college and started a relationship with another girl b/c he needed "companionship" ( he never tryed to have that with me, he is very private and doesn't talk to me), my grandmother died, I turned 20, and on November 7 my son was born. What should have been a joy wasn't because I hated the life I had with my husband.
We are still together, we just had our 10 year anniversary on April 24. We now have another son, and have seperated several times, always ending with him swearing he will change so I come back. And nothing ever changes, big surprise. All I have ever wanted from him was to be loved unconditionally, for him to show me some type of affection (he never hugs or kisses me, anytime I try to hug or kiss him he pulls away), companionship, intamcy (he always wants a bj and sex but never wants to do anything for me), trust (I'm not aloud to make any decisions without his approval or he gets really mad). I don't have any friends, none. I don't have a checking account and I'm not on his and he won't put on it. So I have to ask permission to spend any money other than on groceries. I work part time now on the weekends so he can be home with our kids, my pacheck goes directly into his checking account. He is very controlling and has never once said he was sorry for hurting me nor does he think he has ever done anything wrong in our marriage.
Last nite I was giving our dog a bath, he sheds really bad and we don't have the money to take him to the groomers so I shaved his hair and he looks great. We had previously talked about this and he said he didn't want me to cut the dogs hair he wanted to take him to be groomed. He was so mad, he went on about how he doesn't know why he bothers to tell me anything b/c I never do what he says. I fight his attempts to control me every step I can. One night I was using the restroom (i was going #2, TMI i know) he came banging on the door telling me to hurry, I said I wan't done he said it doesn't take that long to go to the bathroom and to get out now. He was really pissed at me. For the past 2 years he has slept on the couch, his choice, now he sleeps in my bed again but I hate it, so I end up on the couch.
It feels like we stay married so we don't have to put the kids through a divorce, but this isn't much better. He says its so they can be raised by both their parents. I have no college education so I can't make enough money to stay where we live now I would have to move back in with my mother. I have stayed at home the last 8 years to raise our kids, I cook every night for him and the kids, I fix his lunch every morning, I do all the house work with out asking him for any help, I'm not perfect (which is what he wants all the time) I am now really overweight 235lbs. I don't know why I have let myself get this fat, I make all kinds of excuses for it.
I recently made the decision to get healthy and go to college, I start nursing school in the fall. My long term plan is to wait until our kids are out of college and then get divorced and live my life. But until then I will be unhappy.
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