My wife has an extremely low sex drive, sex wasn't always great for her but about a year ago we finally found her "nitch" and she can orgasm now, we might have sex once a week. I am 27 and she is 26. Married almost nine years. This just doesn't feel like often enough, or is it often enough? Also is there anything I can do to boost her drive? Thanks for all feedback.
There could be other factors too. I know personally, my husband seems to be groping and kissing on me (sexually not romantically) damn near constanly. Talks about and wants sex pretty much 24/7. It kinda slows my drive down, feel more like a blow up doll thatn a wife sometimes.
I agree to trying the romance thing. Show her that she means more than sex to you. I know a lot of men (and women) think that their SO should already know how you feel, but sometimes that sense of knowing gets lost when you feel like something is missing.
I don't know how the sex goes with you guys, but maybe try the next time you do get to have it making it all about her. (maybe even on the same night of a romantic evening) then when it comes time to come to the bedroom lots of taking care of her.
What are some romantic ideas you all have that I could try, I am willing to try anything. I admit that I do treat her like a blowup doll sometimes, groping and grabbing, which I am trying to stop doing, but what romantic ideas do you have? Thanks!
Bringing home a bouquet of her favorite flowers some random day after work and when she asks what the occasion is you shrug and say; "I was just thinking of you today and these reminded me of how beautiful you are."
If she's had a particularly hard day (or, again, for no particular reason) draw her a fragrant bubble bath, light candles, put her favorite CD in the stereo and tell her to go relax. Then give her a massage.
Take her for a picnic in the park some warm, sunny Saturday afternoon.
Suggest the two of you take a romantic weekend getaway at a quaint little B&B in the country.
Treat her to her favorite leisure activity some weekend.
Surprise her with a homemade, romantic dinner for two in your own dining room. This is a setting where candles, soft music, wine and her favorite flowers will go a loooooong way. : )
And finally, instead of groping and grabbing try caressing, nuzzling and just holding her in a loving, affectionate yet not necessarily sexual way.
What are some romantic ideas you all have that I could try, I am willing to try anything.
Ballroom dance lessons. Women love dancing. You're touching each other; she has to follow your lead and pay attention to what you do so she can follow. You're the dominant partner in a completely fun and non-domineering activity. There's nice music, your bodies move together, and you don't have to talk all that much.
You might be a little awkward and clumsy at first, but that's okay because you're just starting out. You'll get better with time.
Whenever I want to initiate sex, it absolutely never fails to go to my wife, pull her around into a dancing position, and start moving as if there were music playing. She smiles and starts moving too, and after a minute or so I'll stop and kiss her.
(The first week we did tango, after we got home from the class she practically dragged me to the bedroom and pulled all my clothes off.)
Ugh, last night I tried EVERYTHING! I made her dinner, surprised her with some flowers when she got home. Took a shower with her, gave her a massage in the shower. Got into bed, rubbed her hands and feet. She started to touch me but then stopped and went to sleep. Ugh, what is going on?!?!
Have you tried talking to her about how YOU are feeling, that you desire to have MORE intimacy with her, that you are indeed frustrated. My husband suffered in silence for many many years, sure he threw little hints here & there, but I was stupid, I didn't pick up on them. He really Never sat me down & told me HOW HE WAS FEELING. Not sure how your wife is, but that ticked me off-when I learned this later in life, cause I am someone who is very open & want to hear how he is feeling /thinking , even if it would have meant ME stepping up & doing more for him, during that time.
How do you feel your wife will respond if you bring up this kind of conversation? I can't imagine any woman not wanting to hear how her husband desires and longs for her -romantically/sexually. But of coarse they are out there, hence some of the men who come here to share their frustration.
Does she outright reject you, and how often?
Is she on hormonal birth control ? This can lower a woman's sex drive -sometimes a little, sometimes alot.
The good news is that there are possible prescription and nonprescription solutions (below). Just be aware that figuring out how to increase the female sex drive is complicated because the desire to make love is influenced by so many factors including physical, emotional, relationship satisfaction, and the setting you are in. Possible causes of low sex drive in women include stress or anxiety, medications (anti-depressants, birth control pills) complexity of health issues (Diabetes, MS, cancer) and fatigue.
Of course, you should ask her to talk with her doctor about this. Here is a list of possible steps you can take:
• Ask her to have her doctor check her thyroid function.
• Ask her to check if there are any sexual side effects of any medications that she may be taking.
• Zestra (nonprescription)
Two placebo-controlled studies published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy showed that this proprietary blend of botanicals (including borage seed and evening primrose oils, Angelica root and vitamins C and E) provided a significant increase in arousal, desire, genital stimulation, ability to orgasm and pleasure. The treatment also worked equally well on women using SSRI antidepressant medicines. Although it is nonprescription, she should talk to her doctor first before using this or anything else.
• Hormone Therapies (prescription)
Localized estrogen therapy - Placing estrogen directly into the vagina soothes vaginal tissue, and allows the secretions necessary for comfortable sex. They are available as suppository tablets, creams, or "rings," which sit inside the vagina and give off small doses of the hormone over time.
Compounded testosterone cream - Some pharmacies that make medicine from scratch offer testosterone creams and gels, but you'll need a doctor’s prescription.
• Vitamin E (nonprescription)
When used locally in the vagina it can help rehydrate tissue and may possibly increase sensation. Although it is nonprescription, she should talk to her doctor first before using this or anything else.