03-11-2010, 09:26 AM
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#1 (permalink)
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| Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1
|  Lost and Lonely
I don't even know where to start to explain how or when things started to be like this. I met my husband when I was 15 and he was 19. He had a girlfriend, and we were just friends for a long time. Then we were best friends, then we were best friends that hooked up and dated. All the while he was on and off with the girlfriend, lying about it all the way. We didn't talk for a few years, and when I was 19 we reconnected. He was a changed man, all grown up, and I was head over heals. Long story short, we've been married for 2 years and have a young daughter. In the beginning our relationship was great, we loved being together, we argued but always resolved things. I'm 100% sure that my husband has been dealing with depression for 5+ years. He had a very rough childhood involving his mother leaving him with a boyfriend to be raised and now he's desperate for her love and attention. We are currently living in my parent's house, we moved in a year ago because no one was living here. Now, my parents have moved back in and my two younger sisters are constantly here visiting from college. I understand for him this situation must be twice as hard than for me, especially since my family sees us argue and automatically takes my side. In the last couple months my husband has become more and more distant. He lost his job and quite quickly found another working in a retail setting. Last week I went to the gym and he said he was going to meet a couple guys from work at Wendy's. When I drove past Wendy's on my way to the gym it was closed and he was no where in site. It was after 10pm, I went home and he wasn't there. He has refused to get a cell phone for years. I did some detective work and found him at a bar with the 2 guys from work, and 2 girls. I made a huge scene, it was almost midnight by this time. I was furious, he lied (he doesn't think he lied, but omission is a lie in my book), and I was even more furious that he was with a girl that he had told me earlier in the week had wanted to go to the park with him and our daughter. He later claimed that he made the thing about the park up to see what I would say. Then last night I got home from work at about 9:45 and he was no where in sight. He was supposed to be off at 7. My mom told me he had called to say he would be "a little late" at 8:30. Well by the time it was 10:30 I was getting pissed, now don't get me wrong. I don't care if he hangs out with his friends, but I do care that he doesn't have the courtesy to call and let me know that he's not going to be home for a while, especially considering that I have no way of reaching him. So I drove to his work, which is less than a mile from our house. There was his car all by itself in the parking lot, the store obviously closed. I found the phone number of his friend and called him, he said he was at a gas station, hanging out?? WTF?? He showed up with his friend from work in about 5 minutes. When I try to explain to him that it's not fair that he doesn't bother to let me know anything, not to mention we hadn't talked ALL day since like 11:30. He says that I have to agree not to stalk him before he agrees to call me and let me know what his plans are. I think that's a little ridiculous and completely not the point of the whole entire argument. I obviously would not need to stalk him if he just let me know what he was doing. and obviously didn't lie about it. I'm not if I think he is cheating on me, but our relationship has gotten so bad lately I wouldn't be surprised if he was seeking out some kind of emotional affair. I just would love for things to go back to how they used to be, or half as good would be ok right now. I know that our living situation is really taking a toll on us, but for right now there isn't much that can be done. Most of our arguments are about his insensitivty, his tone and his "i know everything attitude". He says that I bring him down and blames pretty much everything on me. I work full time, go to school full time, and take care of our daughter. He works full time, and sleeps until about 30 minutes before his shift...at 11am. Any time I'm upset and cry i'm "pulling the victim card" and he completely disregards my feelings. I don't know how to help him help himself. He had a serious breakdown the other night and wouldn't even open up and talk to me about anything, he just wanted me to pretend like it didn't happen. After we had our daughter I gained weight and got to my heaviest. For 2 months I have been dieting and the last month going to the gym constantly and have lost 21 lbs. He never says anything to me about it and just *****es that I go to the gym all the time instead of hanging out with him. But, when we argue he calls me fat and disgusting. I don't know what to do? I love him still and he is the father of my baby, who loves him SO much and I know he loves her.
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