Are Wedding Vows Really Meaningful, or Just a Big Joke?

DeeKay1 · 03-13-2010, 04:48 PM

In most wedding ceremonies, the bride and groom must answer this question: "Do you take this man (woman) to be your lawfully wedded husband (wife), for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, 'till death do you part?" Then each responds, "I do."

If all of those brides and grooms agree to those vows, why is it that less than half of them actually abide by them?

artieb · 03-13-2010, 04:57 PM

Because nobody ever lives up to their ideals.

magmag · 03-13-2010, 05:19 PM

As of today I will tell you they are a f'ing joke. I meant them, obviously he did not and I believed him. Sucker!

Sorry having a bad day here.

63Vino · 03-13-2010, 05:40 PM

Hi, Deekay..
Wedding vows are very serious... people enter into them (in my opinion) thinking that the "contract" or saying the words will get them through. In fact the relationship and the commitment to those vows is primary over that "marriage contract"..

It's become "what you do" the progression of life.

So yea.. wedding vows are very meaningful... The divorce rate would be much lower if fewer people got married.

DeeKay1 · 03-13-2010, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 63Vino

Hi, Deekay..
The divorce rate would be much lower if fewer people got married.

Or, if the ones who did get married actually lived up to the wedding vows they recited!

DeeKay1 · 03-13-2010, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by magmag

As of today I will tell you they are a f'ing joke. I meant them, obviously he did not and I believed him. Sucker!

Sorry having a bad day here.

Mag,

First of all, sorry you're having a bad day. But, take pride in the fact that you meant the words you recited in your wedding vows, and try your best to believe that they are not a joke, even though it may be hard for you based on what you've experienced.

For the ones who bail out when the going gets tough, yes, maybe those vows were a joke. But, for you, they were meaningful, as you stayed true to the vows you spoke on your wedding day.

Have faith in the future. Don't get discouraged. Remember, it's always darkest before the dawn.

If you believe in God, try to "bathe your problems in prayer." Your prayers may not be answered overnight, but God will answer them if you have faith and are persistent with your prayer.

When I was at "rock bottom" I turned to prayer as a last resort, even though I was not the "praying type." I prayed and prayed and prayed that God would give me peace when I thought that there was no solution to my problem. In fact, I had little or no optimism that even God could help. A miracle was needed.

I continued to pray and pray and pray, never giving up, and surprisingly, God granted me the peace and serenity I was seeking.

Think about giving prayer (and God) a chance.

Wishing you the best.

63Vino · 03-13-2010, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeeKay1

Or, if the ones who did get married actually lived up to the wedding vows they recited!

Ha either way marriage frequency and divorce rate goes down.
Posted via Mobile Device

sisters359 · 03-13-2010, 11:15 PM

But 63vino is right--clearly 50% of people cannot keep to their vows, so how does suggesting that more "live up to them" offer any help?

We could get into a lot of argument here--particularly about who broke the vows first. There was in our ceremony (and others, I presume), the part about "love, honor, and cherish," as well as "forsaking all others." If one person decides not to uphold those parts of the vows, hasn't s/he broken the agreement, freeing the other person to walk away? In other words, isn't it possible that the person who walks away was NOT the person who broke the vows?

I would bet that about 99% of the people who get divorced feel that the other person broke the vows--the faithful party says the other person cheated (clearly, not forsaking all others), while the person who was unfaithful says that their spouse did not love, honor, or cherish them. Of course, two wrongs don't make a right, so cheating is always wrong, but if the cheater had left first, wouldn't that be ok?

Blanca · 03-13-2010, 11:25 PM

I think the words ought to be changed. I dont think its realistic to swear your life away when you dont even know whats going to happen tomorrow. plus, i think it makes people lazy and gives the impression that you own someone. those words make it seem more like slavery and less like a commitment to love and honor.

Scannerguard · 03-14-2010, 06:05 AM

What do you think about a term, like every 2 years you can decide to renew or proceed to an exit clause?

May keep people on their toes a bit more maybe. . .

63Vino · 03-14-2010, 06:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scannerguard

What do you think about a term, like every 2 years you can decide to renew or proceed to an exit clause?

May keep people on their toes a bit more maybe. . .

Not bad!! hahaha

Star · 03-14-2010, 06:43 AM

[quote] If all of those brides and grooms agree to those vows, why is it that less than half of them actually abide by them?

Because it is not an ideal world and some people will falter, no one is perfect, people and circumstances change over time as does what people want out of life, it's forever evolving.

SimplyAmorous · 03-14-2010, 11:53 AM

Here is how I feel about this subject:

Yes, in a Perfect world where everyone is totally unselfish, giving, sacrifical & cares more about others than themselves, surely more marraiges would stay afloat. Life would be Bliss for all if we were just made like robots programmed to love others more than ourselves at all times.

But how many of us can honestly point the finger back to ourselves & ask : AM I THIS WAY ?? I AM NOT . I can admit I am SELFISH, even demanding in some areas & need certain things met in my marraige -for it to survive and flourish happily. Luckily for us, we talked about these things at great length before we married & we have stayed on the same wavelength in goals & desires.

But in many many many cases, 1 partner is more able to be this sacrifical lamb who tries SO much harder to live up to these Wedding Vows- till death do us part - even when resentment fills their being, depression, loneliness and pain because of the other partners "slack, sloth, weakness, humanness, sin"- whatever you want to label it.

Could you truly in your UNselfishness stay faithfully "in your heart" married if :

Your wives/husbands gained 200 lbs ? if they shut off sex- cringe if you touch them? if the husband wants to hang out with the guys & get drunk after work daily? if the husband, out of his own hurts, emotionally abuses his wife/his kids? If one gambles the family finances away? etc etc etc.

All these things would be deal breakers for me personally. I most likely could NOT continue to live up to my vows & if I did I would be completely miserable every day of my life. Is VOWS on a wedding day more important than personal & legitimate PAIN (of not feeling loved in return) for years & years of one's life ? If saying this makes me evil, selfish and wicked, then I guess I will have to admit that I am evil, selfish and wicked.

There are plenty of Men & women who do put VOWS on a pedestol and sacrifice their own happiness for another who is almost oblivious to that LOVE. I personally couldn't do it. Most can't. My judgement would fall less on the splitting up-breaking of vows , it would fall more on the one who started the deal breaking behavior in the marraige, making it so the other then becomes a Sacrifical Lamb to save something that is in fact, dead or dying a slow death.

Even Jesus allowed for Divorce, I don't feel he would want us to be completely miserable, feeling unloved ,taken advantage of, or abused. I guess I would rather be Evil, selfish and Wicked & BE HAPPY & Fullfiled in finding another who cares about the same goals & desires as myself, than choose to be faithful, sacrifical, resentful and depressed & maybe in need of meds to cope, not to mention the kids growing up & feeling the strain & unhappiness of the marraige.

We really can not make our partners LOVE us or cherish us. We can only do "our part".

More couples need to truly talk about what they expect in marraige, what they will NEED, what they could NOT live with. Before entering such vows.

Scannerguard · 03-14-2010, 03:32 PM

SimplyAmorous,

Good post and a lot for me to chew on.

Another thing to consider, and this isn't original - but I read an essay on the Tiger Woods debacle. The essayist questioned why everyone was so surprised that Tiger had strayed and that maybe monogamy is an unnatural state of being for humans, biologically speaking that is.

For men, they want to "trade down" to the hottie. . .for the women, they want to "trade up" to the man with a larger earning potential. They maybe got the "good genes" from the male and now will look to find a man who will raise their kids with a more competitive advantage.

For the male, his wife is nearing her end of her reproductive life. . .so why not find another mate to mate with?

It's very, very cold (nature often is) but biology is my undergraduate background (particularly liked evolutionary biology).

That being said, I still think marriage is an "adaptive behavior" - that you rely on each other to survive, that a partnership is better than a sole existence. And it's a huge risk to break up the partnership because one or both of you are all alone.

Just throwing out other food to either be spit out or chewed upon.

SimplyAmorous · 03-15-2010, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scannerguard

. .for the women, they want to "trade up" to the man with a larger earning potential. They maybe got the "good genes" from the male and now will look to find a man who will raise their kids with a more competitive advantage.

I agree women do this (I think this is very shallow). This would never be a deal breaker for me personally, as long as the man has a work ethic & is devoted to trying to live within our means, I can easily live with this. I married when my husband made peanuts for the 1st 8 years of our marraige, never cared about this at all. We are both very Frugal, so it worked for us. If one of us wasn't though - it would have been WAR. I personally wanted a man who knows how to enjoy shopping at Flea Markets! Now he has a great job, and life is very easy, but if he lost it , I would never in a million years think like that. But I know of alot of women friends that ditched a great guy cause his job was not good enough for them, or they felt he was not successful enough. Attraction & compatability ranks WAY up there for me. I would never be happy marrying for money.

But then again, their are things for me, that others might find "shallow", like Sex, sorry but I need it on a regular consistent basis (I think this is Biblical anyway)- I am weak in this area, and if he gained too much weight- to the point of being obese. He feels the same on these - so it "works" for us. But others would find this VERY shallow.

Some "deal breakers" for some may be completely "bearable" for others to remain faithful till death do us part . I think the Key is to marry someone who you seriously share the same ideals in life, same goals & who can lovingly ACCEPT whatever dysfunctional behavious we struggle with.

(More examples) I could not live with someone who got addicted to World Of Warcraft & played this around the clock completely obvilious of the family's needs. Makes me think of a South Park episode, it was absolutely halarious, even gross, but it caught the magnitude of this addiction. Or someone who insisted on hurting me with the "Silent Treatment" when upset for days- weeks on end, ignoring me if I tried to talk, share my heart. Those would be deal breakers for me- if this behavior dragged on into years with no co-operation from the spouse to change for the betterment of the marriage.

It may sound like a good idea if people wrote their own vows, but if you accually put some of these crazy things in there, can you imagine how it would sound read by the Pastor in Church ! Might be interesting to see on a South Park episode though. Nobody goes into marraige thinking thier significant other will forsake them for Booze, Word of Warcraft, porn, etc etc.

Tiger Woods. I liked his apology by the way, he only blamed himself. He probably never should have married, my thoughts was he married more for the "IMAGE" than the idea I want to be devoted to 1 woman for the rest of my life & cherish & love only her.

I would think that his wife had to be AWARE of HOW he was BEFORE she married him though, if not -WHY? Did she never ask him, press him, did he lie to her, downplay his desirous ways? Probably pretty clear they never shared any OPEN heartfelt communication with each other. Which never helps when stuff starts happening once married, since we are not used to coming to our spouses & bearing our souls. If he would have been REAL with her about his needs/temptations/addiction, maybe she would have been more than willing to travel with him, been by his side most nights to avoid all that fleshly temptation with women who were probably more than happy to 'take care of him" -- Unfortunetly. But he never gave her that chance.

I don't know. Just my thoughts.