MissingHer

I'm just finishing up my first week living without the person I love. She told me last year she was unhappy in our marriage. From that day, I've been trying to do what I can to make myself a better person but also trying to understand why. I can easily admit my flaws were not helping out with the kids as much as I should and also being a grumpy person when I was unhappy. Not abusive or anything...just not real talkative when it came to my feelings.

Since then, I've realized another flaw is that I passively try to control situations to benefit me. I guess I never realized it but with the help of someone, I now do. Regardless, all of these are things I can work on. I'm already a better dad. I have to be now that I have the kids to myself some nights. Whenever I'm grumpy now, I tell her why. I don't hold it in. I feel much better after I tell her too. These two things I worked on right away so we spent the last year "working" on things...or so I thought. But after the new year, she told me things haven't really changed for her.

I was devastated. I actually believed things were getting better. But now she has moved to her own place. She plans to see a counselor for herself to make sure she is emotionally ready for a divorce. I plan to see one as well. It's my last hope that something will happen in counseling that will make her realize this marriage is worth working on. She told me she doesn't love me anymore. I told her I don't love her the way I used to but I love her for the reasons a man should love his wife after 7 years of marriage: she's a good mother, she's my emotional support, she's my friend that I share jokes and funny stories with. I don't feel the same way about her when we first met but I love her dearly for these reasons. She said, for her, it's not good enough to love someone only for those reasons.

It was just recently I discovered how I try to control things. I told her I'm going to see a counselor to help me with these things. I've asked her to move back just to see if things get better after we talk to a professional. If they don't, there isn't much more I can do. It will always be her decision to end this marriage. I'm in it until the end.

We told the kids yesterday that things will be different. Being 3 and 6, they didn't really think too much about it. They're doing fine today but it just makes me sad because we have a birthday coming up for our daughter and I have no idea what to expect for a party for her. I need to be strong but this is killing me.

I would appreciate any advice. I know a lot of marriages end this way but I never thought mine would. She was always a person that was loving and thought family was the most important thing. It's one of the reasons I married her. She comes from a loving family too and we all get along great at holidays, etc.

What else can I do?