hopeless husband

We are in our late 20's and have been married for nearly 2 years. Just before Christmas she told me she wasn't happy. Shortly after Christmas she said she didn't feel like she was in love with me. Still today she is adamant that she is not in love with me and she is considering divorce. Along the stretch I have broken down, lashed out, and said some things that were hurtful and so has she. She has moved our savings to a security box. There have been rumors that she is seeing her boss which is a known man *****. I fully believe these are rumors. This past Wednesday we hit rock bottom and she said she does not love me, does not want to be with me, and does not want kids with me. She wasn't mad and yelling she was just being honest....and I believe her.

However, I do not believe in divorce. Neither did she? We are both Christians and share that faith. She has been to a marriage counselor without me (or my knowledge for that matter). I told her I want to go back together and I think she might. But I'm afraid the only reason she will go is because of her parents. They do not agree with divorce either and will not support her. Without them she has nowhere to go and honestly does not make enough money to live like she would ever want to.

I do not know what to do. I want to fight for it but there has been major financial, trust, and emotional damage and she has not shown me any reason to make me believe that she wants anything to change. Anyone have any suggestions for me? Should I give up and protect what finances and emotions I have left? It would all be so easy if I weren't still in love with her.

Thanks for listening.

Momof3kids

@ hopeless husband - so sorry to hear that things are tough for you right now. No one on this forum can tell you exactly what to do, what is right for your situation. There are a number of options open to you, but you need to look at the pros and cons of each. Remember that Christians also have the option of annulment. Divorce is not your only option. I'm not saying that it's a great option, but it is an option nonetheless.

Ask yourself these questions. Ask the same questions of her.
1) Can I identify 5 things (or more) in this relationship that are worth saving?
2) What things absolutely have to change to enable us to stay married?

Keep talking to her. It sounds like she is being open and honest about her feelings, but you can't force her to change. The impetus for change comes from within a person's heart, mind, and soul.

Dryden

Both parties have to want to fix it. Christian based couples counseling is a great first step as long as you both are willing to fight for the relationship. One of the first things that our counselor asked us was on a scale from 1-10, how much do you want this relationship to work.

Another interesting point that he made was that God never said you 'Cannot' get divorced, he just said he doesn't like it very much.

Best of luck.

heatherlindsay

If you try to save your marriage she will never get that connection she could be getting with someone else. If you love her let her go, its like setting a bird free. Say to her "Im sorry that you dont love me, ive always loved you but i cant anymore and i hope you find the right person" and wish her the best .
This is just my opinion.

togetherinlove

i think she is confused and doesnt know what she wants.maybe you should plan a little vacation just for the two of you to spend time together and maybe bring some passion and love back to your marriage