strawberryshortcake30

Hi everyone...basically im new here and hopefully i get much support as i needed.

My story goes like this...i just got married 2 weeks ago and currently residing in my new home in Upland, CA. Originally from Asia. I met my husband a year ago online and right from the first start we knew we could get along. So we talked and communicate everyday online thru skype and YM. After 3 months talking, he decided to visit me for the visit time in asia. That first meeting led to another and we developed a committed relationship. In september he came back to my country and spent another 5 days with me. By that time, we already going through visa process for him to bring me here to get married. Family dint know while this going through as i was afraid because of our differences in race and religion its gonna make my family to stop our relationship. Those times were difficult...he facing financial issues, i lost my job but we tried hard as we loved each other so much. Early this year in Jan i passed my interview with the embassy and right a week before my parents found out bout our relationship from my bestfriend then who now became an ex bestfriend. My fiance then wsnted me to purchase the ticket a month early so that we can get a cheaper price. So by the time i revealed bout my relationship, my family accepted the way it is as i already had my visa in hand and a one way ticket. Not just that, few days after i came back from my visa interview, my father fell down on the toilet floor one morning with blood on his head bleeding profusely that led him to become bedridden for couple of weeks. It was sad to see him as the day i left my father lost his speech, weak and paralysed on bed. I wish to stay longer to help my mother care for my father but i couldnt as i already purchased my flight ticket

The first week was wonderful except i couldnt stand the coldness. Right 8 days after my arrival, my fiance got laid off and at the same day i got news that my father passed away. It was really a sad day. I never lived together with a man before while my husband had a failed marriage before with a 7 year old son. I started to feel lonely as i have no one to talk to other than my husband. I started to feel more and more clingy and dependent on my husband especially emotionally. There is a need for me to get hugs, kisses and loved everyday..But my husband is insensitive and not romantic. ANdi know i couldnt blame him to be attentive and focus on me all the time aas he is preoccupied with work, his son and many other stuff.I also feel im becoming more and more sensitive and can easily get upset to my husband tease and jokes. It becomes more and more challenging for me to deal with his 7 year old son who comes on the weekend. It is normal for a little boy to be hyperactive. But i couldnt stand that sometimes he could be rude or bossy when we play together. It also hurt my feeling when i kept saying im weird one example when im when im cooking fried rice and add sausages into the rice. He end up dint want to eat it and said im weird. I know he is just a kid but im trying my best to be very patient with him and i feel its hurting me inside. he was also manipulative. There was one night i was crying in the room while my stepson was playing video game. he saw me crying and i told him not to tell my husband but he went up to my husband and said i dint want him (my stepson) to be in the room when i dint even said that. Ever since that onwards i dint trust him and seldom talking to him.

I feel so helpless...i have no one to talk bout my problems to as i dont know anyone here. I really missed my mother so much and my best friend back home. I couldnt work as im not legal to do that in the meantime. I tried to apply for volunteer work but no reply. I dont have much cash in my hand now and i dont want to ask my husband for money...altough i have some money in the bank i stashed back in my homecountry which is gonna be my SURVIVAL money in case something bad happen in my marriage. My husband never knew bout the money existence. He is not a bad husband. He has done his roles as taking good care of me in the house. I know it must be something wrong with me...what should i do??

artieb

It's not anything wrong with you personally. It's that you're still adjusting to some major life changes which all happened at once.

Life gets meaning from the relationships we share with other people. Right now, you've had a big shift in your older relationships, and you have only formed a very few new ones. Your husband can't be everything, but right now he's all you've got.

You should tell him that you know you've been clingy, but you need a little help meeting other people and finding some other people to hang out with. You don't say what your religion is, but is there a mosque/temple/church/synagogue/whatever of the appropriate type? Assuming you'd be accepted, as the wife in an inter-religious marriage, you might want to go there and see if they have some sort of book reading group or other group you can join and be part of. If that's a no-go for some reason, but you're comfortable at the mosque/temple/church/synagogue/whatever of your husband's religion, you might try there.

Also, if you plan to work you should start looking for a job. It's likely you'll want to learn to drive and get a car of your own, too.

About the 7-year-old stepson: don't make rice with sausage. Make some sort of cookies or pastry.

Here's a link you might like which a friend recommended to me on Facebook: United States - Cultural Etiquette - e Diplomat

It's about US culture, mostly for business, but still might be interesting for you.