The hits keep coming...

troubleinparadise · 03-15-2010, 04:03 AM

So a couple of days ago I posted a thread on here.. If you missed it.. feel free to read it here
>> I really need HELP & ADVICE! Don't we all.. <<

Well anyways on to today, this is getting old really fast.. My husband and I REALLY had it out today.. & it all started because there was laundry on the floor in the bedroom! YES! This is what my husband chose as his subject to blow up and make into this HUGEEEE deal! OKAY, where do I start.. How about here... >>> We were getting ready to head out the door to meet up with our close friends to go bowling.. On the way out he made a comment about the filing cabinet having some pens & cords in it.. (Stupid? I know, I thought the same thing!) So I told him the reason I put it in there & he got all pissy and tried to pick a fight.. I told him I was NOT going to fight & I went out the back door and preceeded to go about my business.. So okay, I get ready to bring the dog back inside HE LOCKED ME OUT & when I knocked for him to let me in.. He stood @ the door flipping me off & screaming at me.. FINALLY he let me back in & I told him TO NEVER lock me out of OUR house again & NOT to talk to me like I was a little kid or his maid! (in refrence to his complaining of ME not doing the laundry) Well he took everything in his hands & threw it on the floor told me to F*CK OFF & he wasn't going & for me to leave the house so he could take care of it! I told him, let's not worry about it now, let's go meet up with our friends like we had told them & worry about it when we get home.. ESPECIALLY since as of today he has a MONTH of leave & NO WORK!! Well he didn't like that idea and threw a hissy fit.. So after that he started in the bedroom and started dragging all the laundry out of the bedroom & started throwing it in the living room, what this was supposed to accomplish.. I have no flipping idea, but it's what he did. Well I went into the bedroom and told him to quit & then he started throwing them at me, I told him to quit throwing stuff at me & he started to throw them faster and harder & way more! I was getting really pissed, but dispise the blantent disrespect it was more then I could handle.. When I told him to quit that he was really starting to piss me off he got in my face nose to nose SCREAMING at me.. I can't even remember what he said but I know at that moment I DID NOT KNOW WHO HE WAS, HE WAS NOT THE MAN I THOUGHT HE WAS, THE MAN I MARRIED.. I just don't know what to do anymore.. I don't want to hear give up, because as much as it should be an option it's not an option right now.. I have never cried as hard as I did today & I never have hurt as bad as I did today, my heart litterally broke.. I would have taken a high school heart break in a minute over what I felt today when my husband treated me & talked to me the way he did! I have reached a point of NO CARING... I don't care what he does, I don't care to make him happy, I don't care about anything anymore.. I'm just over the drama & the bullsh*t.. I don't know.. I know leaving is what probably many people are going to say I should do, but I'm not ready to do that now.. So I ask, what would you do?!

scarletblue · 03-15-2010, 08:15 AM

Well, since leaving isn't an option for you, then I would have to say counseling. If he won't go with you, then go by yourself. It really sounds to me like he doesn't know how to deal with you as an equal partner.

I could go on and on, but I won't. Just know this, you can't make someone change. They have to want to.

HappyHer · 03-15-2010, 08:37 AM

Stop putting up with bad behavior.

Read through your post again and really look at what you could've done differently.
"I see that your upset honey, how would you like to handle it?"
"I will not be yelled at, let's please talk after you've calmed down."
"I'm sorry you feel that way"
"I'll think about what you said and how I would like to respond"

These are examples of comments you could use - Think of comments like this for future reference so you can respond to his irrational state of mind. Stay calm, do not allow him to upset you - even if you feel upset, don't allow him to see it. Say it kind, say it quick, and get out of the way until he calms down.

"Please don't yell at me or I will leave until you've calmed down"
"I would like to work this out with you in a way that we are both happy with"

Setting boundaries is a tough one when the other person doesn't respect them, but it's what you must do if you intend to stay in that situation.

He will push you - and push you hard to see what he can get away with. Don't allow it. Keep your house keys with you and GO somewhere, even if it's just for a walk around the block or into another room in the house. Quite simply, do not feed into his fits. You CAN set boundaries, and you CAN determine what you will or will not tolerate.

Have some extra money stashed somewhere outside the house and possibly even an over night bag. You said you had friends, leave them at a trusted friends house in case of emergencies and be ready to stay away if it looks as if he is going to get violent.

Don't be afraid to call the police if you have to. You do not have to tolerate being treated like you are sub-human.

And, to agree with scarletblue - get into counseling, on your own if he won't join you.