jasmin

I am a 35 year old from india working in middle east. I am with my wife and 4 year daugter here. We are married for 7 years. Till now I never felt that we never understand each other. Earlirer time I tried to speak to her about my dream and expectation and all. She is not taking any initiatives. For seeking a job for her or for my career develpment or for finding better house or planning or saving. I talked to her about all these, she will not understand or aware of these things after all my speech.

She work all the time at home, cleaning cooking and caring our child but my expecation above all, regarding her care on myself, our money, prosperity she neglect. Even about calling our parents back home she is not much interested esp. my parents. So many times we had quarrel about it. I got angry and scold her many times. She never take initiative to speak about it again. After all these incidents she cares only inside house never goes beyond it.

I tried to think positive reading books and hearing lot of motivational speech but it gives temporary insight only. when reaching home or suddenly I feel very angry to my wife because she ignored my vision or my long time expectation. Because of these I think about divorce. I am not firm about it. our daughter and parents all may be shocked because of it. I love her because she is very active at home. But many things she neglet like, my distance education, finding our new house, saving, buying plot in india, bringing her brother etc which talked her and I took initiatve but she never interested in all these.

Pls. advise what I can do

happilymarried67

I have 4 children too, I have no time to talk to many people on the phone on either side of the family and as for planning to buy a peice of land, saving, or my husband's job - I leave up to my husband. He does most of that research. I do most of the research on things that involve our children, their schooling, their after school activities, our spiritual life. Scolding wouldn't make me want to get involved in the relationship, that wouldn't help me become a better person in my husband's eyes. I would have to say that you need to listen to your wife and see what she is saying about all this. I hear your side of the story on what you feel, I'd like to hear hers to see what is going on. Obviously, you two are not bonding as a couple with what is going on between you when it comes to daily living. If I were her I would feel pretty belittled by alot of your comments and it would be hard for me to want to be close to you or your family. I don't think you need to get a divorce, maybe talking to someone can help both of you work through the tough times. Just a a thought. What positive books have your read?

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SageMother

If you have 4 children, your wife doesn't have time for anything else. Your dreams may have to wait until the children are older. I am sure many of her dreams have taken a back seat to daring for the children.

Green-Moo

How long have you ben settled where you are now? I'm wondering if you wife is seeking solace in the things she knows as she's feeling a little out of her depth.

Shivond

Hey Sage Mother,

I don't think he has 4 children, I belief he meant he has a daughter who is 4 years of age. (I Think)

Nevertheless, even having 1 child is time consuming

Shivond

Jasmin,

Please stop scolding your wife.

Maybe she is worried of offending you thus she keeps to herself

Might I suggest you try talking to her in a different manner?

Find out from her if something is bothering her.

Respect your wife just as much as you long for her respect

Truthfully, my husband manages the finances in our home but we make the decisions together.

He tried to get me involved with his investments once but I think he might have regretted it

I wish you success

confusedinTX

It sounds like you want a lot from your wife and arecritical when she doesn't do what you want. Maybe she hasn't found a new place to live because she is afraid you won't like it and scold her more. As for your career that is your career and not hers. You do what you need to do because your job and school is your job. Her job is running the house and taking care of your daughter. If you help her with things she will get more done.

More importantly being mean about things will not motivate her to do it. I agree if you show her repext and kindness she will want to do more to get more respect and kindness. As far as divorce well if you aren't willing to help make things work and just split your family apart then maybe that is the biggest issue of all.