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One way street...

17K views 238 replies 30 participants last post by  wabert 
#1 ·
first time poster...please be kind. :)

I'm writing because I'm really down about my marriage of 13 years.

We have one son who is 7. My job (and husband's encouragement) has relocated us to another state.

We don't live near family whatsoever. I am breadwinner and have been for all 13 years.
My husband is very talented but he is picky about jobs. He is choosing to just work temporary jobs and try freelancing to see if he can keep the same income level as the job he just left in our previous state. (70k a year).

So far...he isn't doing all that well in that department, but we don't need childcare for our son afterschool. We used to have a nanny.

Here's my problem or problems. I am going through bankruptcy. He didn't file with me so we could preserve one of our credit status...A bad business deal left us in this position...I started working another business (in addition to my current profession that requires about 50 hours a week)...to try and avoid filing. My husband was sort of supportive...but not as helpful as I wished. For example, I've been waiting 3 weeks for him to do a simple task that will help with my business marketing.

He is far more frugal these days...he used to spend through the nose. But, now he has curbed a lot of it.

So much so, I didn't even get a birthday present this year...but he just went out and bought a new xbox for himself and our son.

So....maybe I'm feeling jealous/depressed. I work myself non-stop. I don't really spend money. I am miserable because of the bankruptcy. I am stressed out about making a good impression in my new job AND trying to recruit more business through this extra project which could give my husband some actual work/projects.

I rarely get to spend time with our son. I'm just always working. My husband works a little in the morning and then picks our son up and coaches his soccer...spends the day with him. I come home around 7 and my husband usually makes us dinner...but the house is still unpacked from the move. It's a wreck. I'm at my witts end.

Yes, I've talked to him about this. He says he's working hard to try to recruit more work...and he did just get another 3500.00 project....which is good.

We don't have sex...mainly because I don't want to. He is gaining weight..not working out and acting extremely depressed and angry a lot. He says he's "great".....and truly this really isn't unusual behavior for him. He is just a very negative, low energy person. He doesn't seem to want to lose weight. I encourage him to work out with me in the morning (we have equipment) and he usually says "so you think I'm fat, huh?" I always say no...I want you to be healthy. We ALL need to work out.

Our 14th anniversary is coming up as is..his birthday. I have no desire to do much of anything for him...because he didn't even really do anything for my birthday or prior events. I used to GIVE GIVE GIVE....until it caused me to go bankrupt. Now..I'm just flatlined. He seems to care less about it. There was a problem with the bankruptcy filing and it caused me a setback in the case and his suggestion was for me to either threaten to sue MY ATTORNEY -- and/or lie to the trustee...to just get this past us. I did neither...btw.

Bottom line....he's not a bad guy. He doesn't scream or yell at me...(he just doesn't really talk much) ...he doesn't hit me ....he's a decent father for our son. He makes me dinner and offers to help me at times...He will even rub my shoulders if I complain about stress. But, I am just so unhappy.

Am I too picky? Am I just thinking that the grass is greener on the other side? I just feel so sad and miserable with him.

Thoughts?
 
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#2 ·
I suppose my question is, what do you want from him? Aside from working out anyway... he's working. It's not what he USED to bring in but he's slowly gaining momentum and not totally sitting around on his you know what.

Are you too picky? That depends on what you're looking for from him. The grass is greener where you water it.
 
#4 ·
I think I want a more positive force in my life. I can't handle a sinking ship all on my own and I certainly want a partner. He's just always complaining about something or someone.

I left the dog out yesterday because he said he'd be home in 10 minutes. Well he got mad at me because the dog was out for over an hour because HE wasn't home for an hour and a half. I had to apologize... Nothing happened to the dog. But I felt the tension.

I have a regular work meeting at 1 everyday. He knows this. But calls me all the time during this meeting to tell me odd things about the house ... He just feels the need to complain all the time.



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#5 ·
My job (and husband's encouragement) has relocated us to another state.


I could see him thinking 'hey, she's where she wants to be, doing what she wants to to, so she should be happy' with this.

I'm not sure giving up a 70K a year job and relocating was easy for him, and maybe his attitude is a direct reflection of this. He's fine with letting you steer the ship, and in the meantime while you are seemingly getting what you want career wise, he's taking a back seat.

I don't advocate laziness but I have a feeling he's not happy either with the circumstances and he's acting out on it.
 
#8 ·
I'm writing because I'm really down about my marriage of 13 years.

Am I just thinking that the grass is greener on the other side? I just feel so sad and miserable with him.

Thoughts?
So sorry that you are having a rough time and feeling down about life. It's little consolation for me to tell you that your problems are not unique and things could be much worse (unless you can somehow find perverse comfort in the fact that life is crappy to everyone at times). On the plus side, I see a lot of hope in your situation. For all the negatives, it sounds like there are plenty of foundational things that are ok in your life. Speaking specifically, your husband. Yup, he sounds unmotivated, unappreciative and uncommunicative. But if he's really basically an ok guy, you can work through that.

Your relationship with your husband sounds somewhat similar to what my wife and I (and many other couples) have gone through). Usually the fix is communication. I remember a time when I was working ridiculous hours, I thought my wife wasn't carrying her fair share of the load - in the relationship or in life - and that she was emotionally disconnected from me, selfish, depressed, etc. All I wanted was for her to show that she cared about me and that we could work together on the things that life threw at us. I wasted too many years feeling that way without ever really expressing it to her of talking about it. Needless to say, I was shocked to eventually find out that she had spent those years feeling similar things about me. It's easy to get disconnected from each other under the daily weight of getting by and trying to get along. And it's amazing how much better everything seems when you finally feel like you are on the same page with your spouse. You still have all the same material problems you had the day before, but they just don't seem so bad.

Finances sound tight, so marriage counseling may not be a realistic option at the moment but there are books you can read and things you can do on your own to change your marriage dynamics. Sometimes even little changes can make a world of difference and if both of you are willing to try, little changes are easily accomplishable. It all starts with honesty and communication.

As far as the grass being greener elsewhere, trust me, grass is grass. Every lawn has its brown patches and weeds, every lawn has good seasons and periods where it looks a little ratty. It's just a matter of how much regular work you are willing to put into your grass that determines how it looks. Moving on to a different lawn isn't going to change that.

Good luck to you. Things aren't as bleak as the seem and you are not alone.
 
#9 ·
Thanks for your feedback...everyone.

I can see the valid points here...and maybe I should not be so pessimistic. It just seems so difficult.

I will say that my husband is NOT unhappy about the move and/or my career. He is not one to want to work very hard....

In fact, he's had things placed in his lap (by me and others) and he will find a way to get out of them.

I think he's just happy being unhappy. That's his personality...

It's like he got his photo taken for his id the other day and I looked at it and I thought...my Gosh! I asked him...what's this? He said what? I said you look like you were just told that you lost a million dollars...he looked at it and said...yeah you are right...but that's how I always look.

Here's the thing...I'm around a lot of positive people in my work and in my new business..and my husband is always the downer.

I needed him to finish up something to launch my new marketing for "our" business (which is really only me) and he said it had to wait because he needed to finish his football game.

He could care less if I filed bkrtcy...as long as it doesn't impact him. I had to cash out part of my 401k to pay the bills...he doesn't seem to mind..as long as it doesn't bother HIM.

I have done marriage counseling;...it didn't help. He told the counselor that I am the perfect wife and he's just obviously a big failure. THat he just apparently isn't "good enough for me".
 
#10 ·
Thanks for your feedback...everyone.

I can see the valid points here...and maybe I should not be so pessimistic. It just seems so difficult.

I will say that my husband is NOT unhappy about the move and/or my career. He is not one to want to work very hard....

In fact, he's had things placed in his lap (by me and others) and he will find a way to get out of them.

I think he's just happy being unhappy. That's his personality...

It's like he got his photo taken for his id the other day and I looked at it and I thought...my Gosh! I asked him...what's this? He said what? I said you look like you were just told that you lost a million dollars...he looked at it and said...yeah you are right...but that's how I always look.

Here's the thing...I'm around a lot of positive people in my work and in my new business..and my husband is always the downer.

I needed him to finish up something to launch my new marketing for "our" business (which is really only me) and he said it had to wait because he needed to finish his football game.

He could care less if I filed bkrtcy...as long as it doesn't impact him. I had to cash out part of my 401k to pay the bills...he doesn't seem to mind..as long as it doesn't bother HIM.

I have done marriage counseling;...it didn't help. He told the counselor that I am the perfect wife and he's just obviously a big failure. THat he just apparently isn't "good enough for me".
It's very difficult to live with a person like this I'm sure, but that said, how did you come to marry such a person? You two seem very incompatible.

Habits can be changed. Character cannot. Your husbands character is to be leisurely and negative about life in general. It sounds like he's been that way all his life. How do you change that? Well, you can't. He is in control of that. You only are left with adjusting to it as his wife.

ETA: I think you have buyer's remorse. Especially now when so much is on your shoulders.
 
#11 ·
I agree with you, A bit much. I knew it was trouble in the beginning...but I respected his opinion (critical) so much. I was 24 when we got married and I thought he was just so much smarter than everyone else and I desperately sought his approval.

I still think he's very, very bright in his field...but he lacks in common sense. In a BIG way.... So yes...I agree with you. I have tried to be positive energy to him....but it has gotten so severe...I now struggle to even keep my OWN positive energy.

He's changed me. I know that I shouldn't admit to that or even have allowed that to happen....but it has. I don't laugh or smile very much like I used to..and I don't communicate well ..because I don't practice at home.

He's the type..(no matter how many times I've requested change) that won't even say hello when you walk in the door. My son started to pick up the habit now and I'm trying to break him of it. It's difficult! Now I walk in and they both won't even look up and say "hi"....

It's his style....you are right...hard to untrain.
 
#12 ·
Another poster on this site has a similar story to yours and is contemplating divorce over it. She can no longer tolerate his negativity and depressed state.

Are you there yet? I don't think you are, but the road ahead doesn't look too smooth. He's not changing who he is. You have talked to him about it, and he's not budging or making an effort. What do you do with that?

Accept it.

This can be done 2 ways. Live with it, or do not live with it and leave him.
 
#13 · (Edited)
The xbox bothered you, and you resent that he gets to work when he wants on what he wants. 'picky'. You miss having the nanny. You take the full bankruptcy hit - and he is only 'kind of' supportive and comes out unscathed and uncaring and he suggests you be dishonest when a snag in the bankruptcy causes a problem. He buys an XBox when money is tight. You also resent that you are working all the time and he gets to spend all his free time with your son while you feel 'flatlined' and not able to spendthe time with your son that you would like. He is putting on weight and gets defensive when you call him on it. He is 'very negative' and 'low energy' and 'lacks common sense'. You are losing respect for him and your sex life is tanking. You are conflicted since he is more frugal as needed but also you felt forgotten when you didnt get a birthday pesent. You forsee doing nothing for him in return but it is leaving a bitter taste in your mouth. You are blaming him for changes you see in yourself including being less happy and communicative.

Otherwise, everything's fine since he doesnt yell or hit and you guys are mostly holding it together, barely.

Just gathering my cliff notes before responding. Did I miss anything?
 
#14 ·
We don't live near family whatsoever. I am breadwinner and have been for all 13 years.
My husband is very talented but he is picky about jobs. He is choosing to just work temporary jobs and try freelancing to see if he can keep the same income level as the job he just left in our previous state. (70k a year).
So he left a 70k job but you've been the breadwinner for all 13 years you've been with him?

If he was making 70k how much were you making?
 
#16 ·
One more thing... How would you think he would describe the situation? Do you think his account would differ from yours?

He sounds a little like an unsupportive, introverted, automoton that is emotionally tone-deaf, and functionally stunted. Would you say that he responds to stress by shutting down and putting up walls?

edit: that sounds mean spirited. Thats not my intent. Some guys (some people) do shut down when the stress hits.
 
#17 ·
Yes, he completely shuts down on me.

We did a joint consulting gig recently and he insulted one of the women in our class. It was by accident (emotionally tone deaf is correct) ...but when they told us they wouldn't be renewing our agreement...I told him that I knew that was coming. (The woman went off on him in front of everyone). He got mad and said that it was the woman's fault for just being too sensitive.

He hung up on me and refused to speak about it again.... after that happened. So yes, that's exactly how he takes any confrontation. I don't confront him anymore..I don't say anything to him really ..when he hurts my feelings or gets upset. It's just not worth the tension.
 
#18 · (Edited)
Engineer? no...forget that. Dont answer that it isnt important.

You have way too much story here for me or likely anyone else to give any serious advice seems to me without knowing more.. one thing bothers me though..

The bankruptcy. You really have carried the full impact of it, and that is a problem. To me, marriage is largely about sharing burdens. It is, at the same time the hardest thing to do since we all have self preservtion feelings as well - but marriage is about being a team. (Some people hate when I trot out the 'team' thing...). You can argue the 'one of us needs good credit', but the fallout from that kind of move left you feeling cast adrift. Seems like the root of half the problems you list - the personality conflict is becoming a bigger deal now that you have financial troubles.

The reason its a problem is that both of you need to feel like you are both contributing and both sharing the burden and both taking the hit. You both need to feel that the other is fully invesed in the relationship. Its pretty obvious that you feel like that balance has gotten out of whack.. and it isnt about being the bread winner. You feel wiped out, and probably have feelings of insecurity and doubt about your future and there he is, plodding along same as always?

13 years. When did things start getting worse? I assume it was 'good' for a time?
 
#20 ·
I think things stopped being "good" when I woke up and realized that I was worth something. A lot of it were my own issues...carried from childhood. I always felt like I wasn't good enough or "needed" someone to guide me...because I couldn't POSSIBLY be adequate or even successful on my own.

My parents saw this from the get go....but of course, I didn't listen. They were a mess too! My husband just drops off on big/tough issues. If there's a problem with the house...he leaves it to me... He just checks out.

When I try to call him on it...it just becomes a non-issue in his mind and he gets cold and defensive. So...I hate tension...so I just avoid confrontation and allow it to go unpunished.

I know this is going to sound awful....but I recently sat down (on advice of a friend) and wrote out what I dreamed for my life....and that was VERY difficult. But, I realized that I want so many wonderful things...including a husband who provides for me. Times get tough ...no question. And I've ALWAYS said that marriage should not be about money. But, I'm so tired...I just want to not feel this pressure. I want a husband that WANTS that for me...too. I think the REAL problem is my husband doesn't have that in him. He doesn't dream of taking away all of my problems...(that are technically our problems).

He doesn't seem to want to do anything more than what we are doing right now. If I don't change the course financially for us...then we will always be stuck. He won't embrace anything outside of his comfort zone....

SO....what I'm saying is I want a partner...and I don't like that our son is growing up hearing his dad say "when mommy gets the business going...maybe we will be afford a vacation".
 
#21 ·
I am quite comfortable declaring that your husband sucks.

But ... just as he has saddled you with keeping the family afloat, dissolving your marriage should you choose to do so, will also rest entirely with you.

Given the tone of your post, and your exercise about what you want from your life the choice is clear. But you must knowingly make that choice before anything starts to change.
 
#22 ·
I agree, Deejo. But the choice paralyzes me because I keep wondering if this is just the way it is... He doesn't cheat on me etc... So maybe this is the best option for my life.

But what life? I'm realizing that I don't do much more than work. We don't vacation. My bankruptcy is far from over and it's going to make our lives miserable for at least 3 years. He's going to Want to use his not working as a way to lower our income level for the bankruptcy courts... So, instead of wanting to earn more and try to avert this he will want to be lower in level of income ...

I must admit I day dream about meeting a Successful man who will allow me to be me... And not feel this kind of pressure.

I literally couldn't sleep last night... Up worried about the bankruptcy. And he could truly care less.



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#24 · (Edited)
Why did you allow him to spare his own credit? He has no responsibility in this relationship. You have now turned into his mommy...

Sorry if I'm being harsh but I was in a relationship like this. It's not sustainable.

I really think you should lay this out for him.... maybe he will get the picture then? And stop picking up after him or asking him to work..

You are in serious trouble if you decide to D.. you will probably end up paying support if he can't get his act together.

Did you speak to a lawyer before filing for bankruptcy? If you BOTH made financial decisions BOTH should have filed...

I would talk to a Divorce attorney and see what you are dealing with here.. but I think you may have backed yourself into a corner. I would take this even further and say that he probably knows there is a huge issue, but also knows in case of d you have more to lose so you will probably keep it up.

I think you should talk to someone about this and start making some definite and deliberate choices and moves. The hardest part is living in that "limbo" once you start making choices (after discussing them with attorney) you will feel clearer about what you need.

Work on yourself.. there is only so much talking and pleading you can do. He will either come around or not.
 
#28 ·
No I don't mind the honest feedback. I need to hear it.

To answer the questions ... We spared his credit because most of the debt went in my name. The one sided relationship played out in every way. He just doesn't buy cars, in fact when we went to replace my stolen engagement ring ... He said he picked out 2 for me to choose from and when I got to the store.. He said I picked the more $$$ one and handed me a credit app. The people in the store knew my family so I felt so embarrassed I just did it. I shouldn't have... But that's a good example of how he operates.

He wouldn't do that now I don't believe... But that's a really good example of the mindset.

As for sex, I'm sure he would want it. I just don't ... And these problems were alive and well when we were having regular sex. He would not change his attitude of I started having regular sex. I gave him a BJ recently. It didn't make any difference. Trust me.

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#29 ·
SomeOne asked if I thought his account would differ from mine. I think he's said in therapy that aside from leaving my closet messy at times, I'm a good wife.

I had a friend visiting this week and she thought that it appeared that I liked my husband...but that she could see we react to each other in the "same ol pattern".
He had a meltdown last night because he couldn't get the project completed tht I asked him to do 2 months ago... He waited til the night before.. The due date and he was quite frustrated. Although he spent 4 hours watching his football game first.

It's hard because I feel he does the work of a wife... Not a husband.
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#30 ·
It's hard because I feel he does the work of a wife... Not a husband.
Ahh. Now we are getting at it. Maybe.

Its good that you can be honest about how you feel about that. It this really what is going on? I think you said he makes dinner etc too - but is also 'unmotivated'. Is he doing housekeeping too?

Do you feel that he isnt working hard enough?

I dont really have a point to make.. just rambling...

This makes me reflect on my wife (and honest to god - I am not trying to equate my feelings with yours nor our situations...).. but I see her at home with the kids and what she has to do and also working part-time - but largely on her own schedule and I have to say that I am sometimes jealous of 'how good she has it' as I rack up the hours and get home late every freaking night. But at the same time - I know that we are both filing in our niche in the family and I am really, really grateful for that too. The house is always a freaking disaster and I blame her for that frankly but she also spends all her time taking the kids to an impressive list of things (Piano, Soccer, Basketball, Swimming, gymnastics, scouts, etc...) and they love that. So yeah its a grind for me sometimes but I believe it allows our family to function when all of us are doing our thing.

Its a fine line between what I want, and what I 'must do'. I do know that 'doing my duty' is a depressing way to look at it..a soul crushing way to look at it actually... but if I think of it as a mechanism to get what I want - that somehow seems very, very different indeed.

My point is that even though I struggle sometimes with how things are - when I think about it carefully I am thankful of it at the same time. But I can tell you if I didnt have that perspective.. that appreciation - or got past my breaking point - I could easly see us, me, slipping to where you are.

One thing I am pretty sure of... something I have thought about.... If I traded places with my wife and she took my job - and I took her place and did what she does... Im not sure either of us would be any happier. I would be able to spend more quality time with the kids, but when you get right down to it I think there are more demands on her time that I have on mine if you count all 24 hours in a day. Ok, now Im totally babbling...

You both are butting heads over work - this last project that he procrastinated on for example. Is this not his exact field of expertise? Was he too busy? Was he not on board with you assigning him work? What do you think is the real issue here?

If your account is accurate and complete on all this - he sounds like he is very close to being baggage and needs a reality slap. At the ery least you need to figure out what needs to change and then impliment your plan. Hopefully with his assistance, but without if necessary. Its a hell of a lot easier if you can both agree to changes with the goal of making both of your lives better.

So. What is one thing you need to change that might help? Is it his full-time employment outside the house? Is that it?
 
#32 ·
Thanks for this feedback. I see a lot of value in it...you are right....I don't think I would be fulfilled completely if I traded roles.

I think what I am angry about is that I am the only one who seems to want to better our family and our finances. He talks about and dreams about it...but never does anything to accomplish the goal..

Me? I am the one to try a million different things to try and achieve the goal and often fail because I'm so desperately trying to dig myself out of this hole.

For example...today. That project I needed him to do? I just simply asked him to set up a landing page because I was being featured as a guest host on a webinar for "our" new biz. I got the contact...I snagged the interview...I got the call. All I needed him to do was set up the landing page. He does this all the time. I wrote out the content 3 weeks ago. The call was today. He grunted and groaned through it last night..saying the computer was acting up but ended up completing it. It worked when he finished tonight. I asked him to test it before my call...I never heard back. I got on the call...did the hour long interview and at the end realized (sitting next to my ipad) that the site did NOT work. So I got all these hungry customers with no where to send them. So I apologized and gave them my email instead.

So...will I get anywhere? I got 3 emails...I hope I can still get some business. But THIS is the kind of behavior I'm talking about...no passion...no follow through...Unless it's something HE wants to do. Apparently he could care less that these would be very good paying customers?

Frustrating. I told him and he just responded by swearing. Then telling me giving out my email wasn't a good idea. What else was I supposed to do?

This is our marriage. Round and round ... same ol story.


[So. What is one thing you need to change that might help? Is it his full-time employment outside the house? Is that it?[/QUOTE]
 
#33 ·
Deejo I see your point, I do.

Funny thing about 'choices' though... I have a hard time blaming people for taking a path of lesser resistance sometimes. Small decisions that in aggregate.. turn into something else. Apply enough pressure and people make what in retrospect do not look wise choices.

I can imagine how this happens. Move for her new job. He stays home to watch the kids and works consulting. The Nanny gets axed. Crap hits the fan and a business fails - 5 years later - here you are.

I dont mean taking the easy way out or being a limp noodle (ok, maybe not a good analogy)... but I do understand when people look up after 13 years and honestly wonder at how they got to where they are. ow often have you read a story like that? People spend so much of their lives with their nose to the grindstone sometimes you dont even see what is going on.

But - we can all agree - once you get to a crisis point - yes... you have to act.
 
#34 ·
Thanks for this feedback. I see a lot of value in it...you are right....I don't think I would be fulfilled completely if I traded roles.

I think what I am angry about is that I am the only one who seems to want to better our family and our finances. He talks about and dreams about it...but never does anything to accomplish the goal..

Me? I am the one to try a million different things to try and achieve the goal and often fail because I'm so desperately trying to dig myself out of this hole.

For example...today. That project I needed him to do? I just simply asked him to set up a landing page because I was being featured as a guest host on a webinar for "our" new biz. I got the contact...I snagged the interview...I got the call. All I needed him to do was set up the landing page. He does this all the time. I wrote out the content 3 weeks ago. The call was today. He grunted and groaned through it last night..saying the computer was acting up but ended up completing it. It worked when he finished tonight. I asked him to test it before my call...I never heard back. I got on the call...did the hour long interview and at the end realized (sitting next to my ipad) that the site did NOT work. So I got all these hungry customers with no where to send them. So I apologized and gave them my email instead.

So...will I get anywhere? I got 3 emails...I hope I can still get some business. But THIS is the kind of behavior I'm talking about...no passion...no follow through...Unless it's something HE wants to do. Apparently he could care less that these would be very good paying customers?

Frustrating. I told him and he just responded by swearing. Then telling me giving out my email wasn't a good idea. What else was I supposed to do?

This is our marriage. Round and round ... same ol story.
 
#35 ·
I think what I am angry about is that I am the only one who seems to want to better our family and our finances. He talks about and dreams about it...but never does anything to accomplish the goal..
This.

I have to say - this is one of the main reasons that I feel very happy with my own marriage. I feel like we are both pulling in the same direction and both expending the effort. Our tactics differ - but I do not doubt it otherwise.

This would be a huge deal for me if it was not the case.

You need to think about what you can change and sit down and have a serious chat about 'what we can do' to make this better. Actually get something moving to get out of the 'talking and dreaming' phase. You sound like you are now outside - looking in on your relationship - and that is not a good place to be.
 
#36 ·
Yes - I suppose you are right. But, I don't know how to fix it on my own. He just won't ...and we are so, so deep in financial trouble...that I can't really just say ..."grow up and fix it". I know from past experience that he won't..... so I will HAVE to find our way out.

So, say my biz takes off (despite his liability) and I become enormously wealthy...would this all go away? That's what I ask myself..

And the answer is no...I don't think so. The financial pressure would be off...but I STILL don't respect a man who I have to go AROUND...instead of work with....Does that make sense?
 
#37 ·
The financial pressure would be off...but I STILL don't respect a man who I have to go AROUND...instead of work with....Does that make sense?
It makes sense to me, but I'm not in the relationship.

I think it is logical to ask you why do you stay?

I've heard all I need to about him. You are not happy with him.

Let me tell you a truth I discovered: When we complain, but do nothing to change our circumstances, it means we are getting some sort of benefit from staying.

Think about it.

What benefit are you getting from this? Forget the financial/legal issues. I'm coming from the emotional perspective.

Why?

Because for you to hang around in this relationship, stress and all, you ARE getting something out of it.
 
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