first time poster...please be kind.
I'm writing because I'm really down about my marriage of 13 years.
We have one son who is 7. My job (and husband's encouragement) has relocated us to another state.
We don't live near family whatsoever. I am breadwinner and have been for all 13 years.
My husband is very talented but he is picky about jobs. He is choosing to just work temporary jobs and try freelancing to see if he can keep the same income level as the job he just left in our previous state. (70k a year).
So far...he isn't doing all that well in that department, but we don't need childcare for our son afterschool. We used to have a nanny.
Here's my problem or problems. I am going through bankruptcy. He didn't file with me so we could preserve one of our credit status...A bad business deal left us in this position...I started working another business (in addition to my current profession that requires about 50 hours a week)...to try and avoid filing. My husband was sort of supportive...but not as helpful as I wished. For example, I've been waiting 3 weeks for him to do a simple task that will help with my business marketing.
He is far more frugal these days...he used to spend through the nose. But, now he has curbed a lot of it.
So much so, I didn't even get a birthday present this year...but he just went out and bought a new xbox for himself and our son.
So....maybe I'm feeling jealous/depressed. I work myself non-stop. I don't really spend money. I am miserable because of the bankruptcy. I am stressed out about making a good impression in my new job AND trying to recruit more business through this extra project which could give my husband some actual work/projects.
I rarely get to spend time with our son. I'm just always working. My husband works a little in the morning and then picks our son up and coaches his soccer...spends the day with him. I come home around 7 and my husband usually makes us dinner...but the house is still unpacked from the move. It's a wreck. I'm at my witts end.
Yes, I've talked to him about this. He says he's working hard to try to recruit more work...and he did just get another 3500.00 project....which is good.
We don't have sex...mainly because I don't want to. He is gaining weight..not working out and acting extremely depressed and angry a lot. He says he's "great".....and truly this really isn't unusual behavior for him. He is just a very negative, low energy person. He doesn't seem to want to lose weight. I encourage him to work out with me in the morning (we have equipment) and he usually says "so you think I'm fat, huh?" I always say no...I want you to be healthy. We ALL need to work out.
Our 14th anniversary is coming up as is..his birthday. I have no desire to do much of anything for him...because he didn't even really do anything for my birthday or prior events. I used to GIVE GIVE GIVE....until it caused me to go bankrupt. Now..I'm just flatlined. He seems to care less about it. There was a problem with the bankruptcy filing and it caused me a setback in the case and his suggestion was for me to either threaten to sue MY ATTORNEY -- and/or lie to the trustee...to just get this past us. I did neither...btw.
Bottom line....he's not a bad guy. He doesn't scream or yell at me...(he just doesn't really talk much) ...he doesn't hit me ....he's a decent father for our son. He makes me dinner and offers to help me at times...He will even rub my shoulders if I complain about stress. But, I am just so unhappy.
Am I too picky? Am I just thinking that the grass is greener on the other side? I just feel so sad and miserable with him.
Thoughts?
I'm writing because I'm really down about my marriage of 13 years.
We have one son who is 7. My job (and husband's encouragement) has relocated us to another state.
We don't live near family whatsoever. I am breadwinner and have been for all 13 years.
My husband is very talented but he is picky about jobs. He is choosing to just work temporary jobs and try freelancing to see if he can keep the same income level as the job he just left in our previous state. (70k a year).
So far...he isn't doing all that well in that department, but we don't need childcare for our son afterschool. We used to have a nanny.
Here's my problem or problems. I am going through bankruptcy. He didn't file with me so we could preserve one of our credit status...A bad business deal left us in this position...I started working another business (in addition to my current profession that requires about 50 hours a week)...to try and avoid filing. My husband was sort of supportive...but not as helpful as I wished. For example, I've been waiting 3 weeks for him to do a simple task that will help with my business marketing.
He is far more frugal these days...he used to spend through the nose. But, now he has curbed a lot of it.
So much so, I didn't even get a birthday present this year...but he just went out and bought a new xbox for himself and our son.
So....maybe I'm feeling jealous/depressed. I work myself non-stop. I don't really spend money. I am miserable because of the bankruptcy. I am stressed out about making a good impression in my new job AND trying to recruit more business through this extra project which could give my husband some actual work/projects.
I rarely get to spend time with our son. I'm just always working. My husband works a little in the morning and then picks our son up and coaches his soccer...spends the day with him. I come home around 7 and my husband usually makes us dinner...but the house is still unpacked from the move. It's a wreck. I'm at my witts end.
Yes, I've talked to him about this. He says he's working hard to try to recruit more work...and he did just get another 3500.00 project....which is good.
We don't have sex...mainly because I don't want to. He is gaining weight..not working out and acting extremely depressed and angry a lot. He says he's "great".....and truly this really isn't unusual behavior for him. He is just a very negative, low energy person. He doesn't seem to want to lose weight. I encourage him to work out with me in the morning (we have equipment) and he usually says "so you think I'm fat, huh?" I always say no...I want you to be healthy. We ALL need to work out.
Our 14th anniversary is coming up as is..his birthday. I have no desire to do much of anything for him...because he didn't even really do anything for my birthday or prior events. I used to GIVE GIVE GIVE....until it caused me to go bankrupt. Now..I'm just flatlined. He seems to care less about it. There was a problem with the bankruptcy filing and it caused me a setback in the case and his suggestion was for me to either threaten to sue MY ATTORNEY -- and/or lie to the trustee...to just get this past us. I did neither...btw.
Bottom line....he's not a bad guy. He doesn't scream or yell at me...(he just doesn't really talk much) ...he doesn't hit me ....he's a decent father for our son. He makes me dinner and offers to help me at times...He will even rub my shoulders if I complain about stress. But, I am just so unhappy.
Am I too picky? Am I just thinking that the grass is greener on the other side? I just feel so sad and miserable with him.
Thoughts?