Repressed, Unloving Wife?
It's been a rough night and I've had no sleep.
Knock down, drag out with the H last night.
Same fight for 12 years now. He wants me to be "open, intimate, vulnerable and let him in". While I understand the concept and what he is saying, I don't know what to "share".
We have always acknowleged that he is the "woman" in the relationship and I am the "man". Meaning, he wants to talk, share, etc. I am of few words. I am a little OCD, controlling and thrive on routine. Vanilla. Coupled with my "lack of communication", he is going nuts and feeling unloved. Of course I love him. I tell him all the time, but I am a demonstrator, acts of service, when he needs WORDS.
He says I am repressed and he is tired of banging his head against my closed door. Probably true. He insists that he just wants me to be ME, but that obviously is not the case. He doesn't like that I don't communicate well verbally, I can very easily compartmentalize, and still be a happy person. I'm a strong, only-child, independant wife and he doesn't feel like there is room for him or appreciation for him.
We went through counseling last year and I have made an appointment for just me next week. What can I do? He believes our whole problem is my lack of communication and that it is ruining our marriage. I agree he has a point. I don't communicate so well with words, but actions. So is the problem ME? I'm going to the counselor to see if she can help "un-repress" me. Or is the problem that he wants me to do it his way and so far I am not capable? We haven't been able to find a middle ground.