I think my marriage is doomed.

staggering · 03-20-2010, 02:15 PM

I've been married for 5 years and been with my wife for 10.
Last year she cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend. It was a one time affair but she spoke him a little bit afterwards. When she begged me to come back to her I said "only if you never talk to this guy again". Which (to my knowledge) she has not. This isn't the first time, when we first started dating she left me for another man, but that only lasted a few weeks and she begged me to come back.

I have WICKED trust issues now. I feel like I'm an insignificant part of her life and that if we didn't have children she would have just left me. Maybe I'm just here to help her survive financially. I don't even know that I'm doing the right thing by staying with her. I love her to death. I sometimes feel that the kids have a HUGE part of my being with her, but I do love her.

When we got back together, we decided to be completely honest with eachother so that neither of us were secretly unhappy and willing to cheat. (I've been failthful forever).
I've been honest with her and I also tell her she is beautiful (daily) and try to give her compliments every day to help her feel good about herself. .. I too have self esteem issues that are NEVER helped. I've even hinted to her that I need help, and that I feel horrible about myself.. but she doesnt care enough to compliment me on anything.. which makes me feel like maybe she have anything nice to say about me, so says nothing.

I don't know what to do, I feel like I want to leave because I'm so unhappy in the marriage, but I know I'd be so depressed with her and my children around every day.

What should I do? And how do I trust her again?

bestplayer · 03-21-2010, 02:37 PM

staggering , as u said that ur wife has cheated on u more than once I really doubt she can remain faithful until she is fully devoted to mend her ways .
Only u can figure out if she loves u or she is staying just because of kids & finances.
Does she seem to be genuinely concerned in working out ur marriage ? I see there is a communication issue too , about understanding needs of each other in ur marriage , counselling can help .

....I feel like I want to leave because I'm so unhappy in the marriage, but I know I'd be so depressed with her and my children around every day.......

ok so did u mean to say that u will be depressed with her & ur kids around every day ?

any way i hope u will be able to get clarity to decide what is best for u .

63Vino · 03-21-2010, 02:43 PM

Dont know whether you leave or stay.. I do know that you should be SURE your head is clear.. Would be a "nice to have",
but dont count on her to fulfull you, or compliment you, build your ego.
You should and have to stand on your own.. especially if you let her go. Get to the gym , get to counseling and feel good about yourself, You should NOT need other people to make youfeel good. Thats asking a lot from her... maybe thats just not her way.

If you focus on yourself a bit...things may balance out. You're a good guy.. you decided to stick it out, put yourself on a limb and "try" to forgive her. You have not been successful in this.

Feel better about yourself and the answer may come.. and it may be NOT what you think now....

good luck...really
all the best.

DontWannaLeaveHim · 03-21-2010, 03:02 PM

u sound like a good man and great husband. it is wonderful of u to forgive her after cheating, u obviously love her and your family very much, it seems like it is important to you to keep your family together. but you need to make sure that u are happy! u can make someone else happy (your wife) unless u r happy with yourself. i dont know what u would need to get happy and confident with yourself but if you are lucky enough to know then do it. you sound like a great, loving, kind husband! good luck!