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Ever make a huge mistake?

2K views 7 replies 8 participants last post by  IrishGirlVA 
#1 ·
I'm not looking for advice as much as I am looking to see if someone has been in my shoes.

I dated this wonderful girl for a long time and we discussed marriage but then within ~6months things went south so fast we ended up breaking up. I'm currently dating someone new who I find very physically attractive and I'm the envy of all my friends but, I can't forget about my past love and the life we once had.

Has anybody else felt like this and what happened/what did you do?
 
#6 ·
:iagree:

I'm in the same boat you are/were only it took me about 5 years to figure it out. Now I have to wait until I'm financially stable enough (probably about another year) to leave her.

I can't really say I'm in the same boat as OP because all my ex's are ex's for a reason and I don't have anyone I can say is the one that got away.
 
#3 ·
Why did they go south?

I think this may be a case of wanting something you can't have- makes the last gf more attractive (and makes it impossible for you to fully commit to someone more compatible)

Maybe this is a commitment issue?

My first real LTR/BF and I met and dated for 6 months, but his ex was on his mind.. so we broke it off. Then he called me out of the blue maybe 4 months later and we started dating. It took a while but things were great. In the end 5 years + later he proposed.. I said yes.. had tiny ceremony and ended up breaking up (more due to career/life incompatibility)

We now still talk and there is no "bad blood".

I think you need to think WHY you are with this attractive girl and you still think about the 1st one.. have you done this before?
 
#7 · (Edited)
DrWally,

I read your other (7) posts. In the first thread you started in June, you told us that you were with a woman for nearly 6 years, and that you met another woman. You were "dating" both women and having sex with both women for about the last 6 months of your relationship with your ex. The good people here at TAM were explaining to you that you were having an affair, but you never responded on your threads. It is obvious that the reason things "went south" for you and your ex was because you were having an affair.

Since you're not looking for "advice" from anyone, I'd suggest instead, that you read the stories here on TAM and on CWI (Coping With Infidelity). There are plenty of stories such as yours, from both men and women who have cheated (just like you) , left their long term relationship for their affair partner (just like you), and who have not been able to stop thinking about their previous partner, just like you.

Some people stay with their AP, and end up happy. Others stay and end up miserable. Still others realize their error and are taken back by their ex.

Then there are the "smart" ones. The "smart" ones realize that they've been selfish and unfair to BOTH their ex and their AP, and decide to be alone for a while, so they can do their own soul-searching, and figure out what they truly want in a partner. The "smart" ones get a clue, and realize that even though they may not like being 'alone and lonely', that they have no right to be with someone just because they don't like being alone. They realize that they don't get to use someone as a comfortable 'fill-in' just until someone 'better' comes along. And if they can't figure all of this out on their own, they're smart enough to get therapy!

All you have to do is to ask yourself whether or not you want to be "smart"....

Vega
 
#8 ·
It's called a break up because it's broken. But I get what you are feeling.

I have a terrible habit of re-writing relationship history. As more time passes the more I seem to "glamorize" old relationships. Especially if the one I am currently in is not 100% fulfilling to me. I made the mistake of going back out with one of my ex's and shortly after we got comfortable again in the relationship I had too many moments of saying to myself, "Ah, yes -- now I remember".

Just remember that you have more than 2 choices. It doesn't have to be "stay with this one" or "go back to that one". Maybe the answer is Option #3. Someone new all together.

Good luck.
 
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