sarins

I've been with my now husband for 10+ years. We have a daughter together. We broke up twice before we were married. My husband is a nice gentle guy.. The down side My husband is so self involved. I am a bundle of energy who is up early to get all the days stuff achieved. He has only been ever concerned with work. He loves starting new businesses. He loves trying new projects. So for many years I blamed his business on our love life that doesn't exsist. I've went threw many losses this year and in the past alone because he has been too busy. (My sisters death, major surgery, not being able to conceive) we have a none exsistant sex life and really has been this way for many years. He just isn't interested. He now has a job that requires little of his time. Great, I am thinking he will be able to be more focused on home and I .... Nothing has changed. I am not a grouch, I am attractive and I am not lazy. I work part time and am a full time mom and wife. I am caring and giving and really have tried. My Bible and heart don't believe in divorce. I love our daughter too much but I am very sad. I need Your Help. He just seems to busy in his mind to even get the whole picture. I am deeply grieved because I want more children. I am 30 now and cannot help but think we might if we made love.
P.S. I don't really receive gifts( Christmas, Bdays) . I used to plan romantic getaways and suppers and am tired of doing so. Money is not a issue.

balsimon

Before I answer, I have a few simple, but perhaps
telling questions:

1 - Have you talked about this with your husband?
1a - How did you approach the subject? You appear to
communicate in level-headed, mild way, but I just want
to verify this before continuing.

2 - If you have communicated, have you communicated
about your sadness in this?
2a - If so, how does he respond? With "We will, when I
have time," or is it more like, "Well, kid, you're on
your own with this one."

There are additional obvious questions I might ask you,
but these are a good start.

Regards,
Bal

Green-Moo

So if your husband's new job is taking up less of his time, what is he doing instead? Is there something that you could do together?

tater03

What is his reasoning for his actions when you talk to him about it? I mean is he aware that you are not happy? Does he like his new job could that be part of the problem or maybe he is just not satisfied with the way his past jobs have turned out. It just sounds like something is bothering him.

sarins

Hi, Thanks for your response. It is so hard not being able to talk to anyone.
Yes, I have talked to him about it several times. I don't get upset, I just tell him how I feel. He just listens with no response. He is a genius when it comes to work and his ideas, his past jobs have always turned out great. I praise him with everything and support his ideas. In response to something may bothering him- I've thought the same thing in the intimate department. I have yet to find out and he has been this way our whole life together. Any other suggestions? (when we were apart) It seemed like him and his past realationship were very intimate. This was coming from a mutual friend but never discussed.

drax

Hello Sarins
You sound to me like a very pleasant woman, and very intelligent too. It's strange as i said in one of my earlier mail how people of opposing make ups end up being married; but the true answer is ' we are meant to compliment one another' i.e your husband lacks what you have, and your union is complete because you have it. Well done for starting discussions with him; continue in this line of communication while at the same time make yourself more attractive to him. Think of those things he sees in you before you started your relationship; if they are not there anymore, try to make them available. I am saying this because most married women tend to let their appearance down when they are married, although i hope this is not your case. Have a heart to heart discussion with him on how he makes you feel with his attitude( but please never raise your voice); discuss more on his job and new businesses.
I sincerely hope all works out well in the end.
Take good care

Jadegreen

it seems that there are two kinds of time you are talking about. One is that he is "too busy" in general. does that mean he is too busy to spend time with your child, help with chores, or spend alone time with you just enjoying life, like perhaps a walk or a glass of something on the patio? If he gets a lot of personal value out of accomplishing things he may not feel needed around the house if you are really comptetent. Do you express that you need him in ways other than intimacy? Just questions because I sort of thought you might be referring to a lack of time altogether. I think the intimacy comes along with having other kinds of time together. Also, do you initiate? It sounds like you are wanting him to want you - but what about rolling over one morning and hugging his shoulders and telling him he is such a great husband and you are so lucky? and then if he seems receptive recall some day a long time ago when you used to... kiss or whatever it is. make him laugh. make him feel good about being close to you. it takes a bit of work to kickstart romance after an absence. so go for little steps. set your sights low at first, but aim high and keep working at it. 30 is young. By 40 you want to have this licked, otherwise 50 is going to look pretty bad.