Can't stop lying - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-02-2010, 04:40 PM Thread Starter
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Can't stop lying

I have been married to my wife for 4 years now, and I am putting the relationship on a downward spiral. In the past year, due to me being dishonest, I have racked up debt and broken her trust. After the fallout of her finding out, she wanted me to go to counseling, which I for a bit, but stopped even though I told her that I was still going. Now she has caught me in this lie, and I feel like I am just spinning out of control. I have never been unfaithful to her by cheating on her, but I still feel that my lies are emotionally cheating. I am at my wits end, and I don't really know how to stop/what to do to even try.

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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-02-2010, 04:52 PM
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Re: Can't stop lying

Without continuing counseling, you'll never figure it out. You may need medical help, too, but work that out with a therapist.

You do not just stand to lose your marriage, as bad as that is. You can lose everything and everyone you love. People won't put up with it forever. Get yourself in order and your life will be so much better. Good luck.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-02-2010, 08:15 PM
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Re: Can't stop lying

You lie because its easy. you avoid confrontation. its probably a habit you've had for a long time. The first step is to learn to be honest with yourself. What are you getting from lying? it must do something for you or you wouldnt do it. why do you want to lie?

once you can get honest with yourself and realize this is something you want to do, then you can start figuring out if its something you want to continue doing.

"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-05-2010, 03:40 AM
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Re: Can't stop lying

i agree with all the above posts, you need serious proffesional help or you will lose your marriage, your friends and your life as you know it..

Do you have children? if so this is far from a good example to be setting them making proffesional help all the mre important...
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-05-2010, 05:40 AM
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Re: Can't stop lying

It's true u do need help, it takes a lot to change an ask for help but u took the first step y not complete it. If she is willing to be with u and try an help u then buddy u in luck. It's ur guilt of lying to her that is y u feel like u cheating and there are any ways to define cheating.

If she is standing by u willing to accept ur mistakes and lies Y not try and complete the counseling ? what do u have to loose by trying and what do u have to loose by not trying ? think about it !
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-07-2010, 03:37 PM
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Re: Can't stop lying

I hate liars dude!
A person should have the balls to tell the truth not lie to someone!
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-08-2010, 04:30 PM
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Re: Can't stop lying

You lied to your wife about something as serious as finances. She gave you another chance on the condition you go to counseling. Then you lied about going to counseling. You have a SERIOUS problem and need to make some major changes in your behavior. I suggest counseling, reading books and articles about lying and doing some serious thinking about the reasons you lie and how you plan to stop.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-08-2010, 11:24 PM
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Re: Can't stop lying

Let me be the smart-ass who says that you can stop lying by simply telling the truth.

Pause and think before you speak. If the truth is too hard to deal with - shut up and walk away. Lying will only make it harder.

You CAN stop if you CHOOSE to.

Good luck.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-09-2010, 01:39 AM
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Re: Can't stop lying

I hope the all given suggestion will help you. Sometimes I am hesitant to reply to a post because I am not expert on marriage or other issues. You can lose everyone you love if you donít stop your habit of lying. People lie because itís easy. If she is standing by u willing to accept your mistakes and lies then why not you give some try to make it blossom once again.
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