04-02-2010, 09:41 PM
Join Date: Apr 2010
| | Wife denies... I don't buy...
My wife and I have been married for nearly 11 years. Two kids, both successful careers, the perfect life.
Last December I discover that she struck up a texting/email/facebook friendship with a co-worker. I found many messages, that were not of a super-sexual nature, but still disturbing. When I confronted her, she said she was sorry and it was just flirting and electronic communication, nothing physical. Although they did have at least two lunches together during December. She apologised to me and I confronted the co-worker. Both said it was over.
January, we go on a vacation. She emails him during the trip and says "I really miss you and just wanted you to know". He responds and says "it's empty around here without you". She responds again and says "I really miss you, just saying". I confront her again and she says she just misses his friendship, and nothing more and that she said that to him because they hadn't really spoken since late December. Although phone records indicate she was texting him in Dallas before a connecting flight out of the country.
I get super paranoid over this situation and it consumes me. As the weeks go on, I continue to bring it up by asking questions. She starts to get defensive with me, saying it was only a friendship and nothing more.
In February, tensions are high between us because I have so much hurt over this issue. She tells me she needs space, and I need to figure out how to move beyond this issue. All the while, the texting continues, and they even met for a 3-hour happy hour at a mexican restaurant. She came home wasted and got mad at me when I asked her questions about it. I checked the credit card receipt to see what time she paid. She was home 30 minutes after she paid, and we live 10-15 minutes from the place. I went into the restaurant to ask the manager what he saw. He remembered where they sat, what they drank, and what time they were there. He also said he saw her give him "one quick kiss". I confronted her and she told me the manager lied and she would go back to the restaurant with me and confront him herself if i wanted. I have a feeling there was a bit of a make-out session in the car outside the restaurant, although she vehemently denies that.
We go to counseling and start doing better in late February to late March. But then I checked our phone bill again this week and the texting continues. Not to the level that it did, but it still does. Also, two weeks ago she tried to get them both on TextPlus, an iphone application that keeps text messages out of your ususal text message in-box. On that same night, she also sent him some kind of picture from her phone. I confronted her again, and again she says they are friends and she only tried to do textPlus because she didn't want me to overreact to an innocent friendship. She also claims she doesn't remember what picture she sent him but swears it was nothing dirty. But still I'm the paranoid one because "you don't believe me".
I'm at my wits end. I want to believe my wife... but I keep getting this gut feeling that there's something more. I honestly don't think there's anything physical, but certainly emotional and I worry about these "pictures". And it frustrates me that she gets mad at me for being paranoid and asking questions...
Somebody please tell me what I should do? I hear people saying "where there's smoke there's fire"... but I just don't want to think the worst....