01-25-2015, 11:18 PM
Join Date: Mar 2013
| | Re: Apathy in marriage
Originally Posted by skitown
The apathy comes from some frustration and a feeling of powerlessness regarding the relationship. My spouse is who he is and I can not change that. Underlying issues - the main ones are: different set of priorities (example - saving for college v. buying a vehicle for a teenager), his selfishness (everything revolves around his needs and desires - mine always take second place and I do have some resentment and anger towards myself regarding this), his pessimistic or negative attitude towards others (I am tired of hearing that I (we) live in a ghetto and that every person riding their bike or walking along the street is a loser), lack of interest in me - who I am and what is going on in my life(I always ask how his day was and try to engage in converstation but never get that in return) and last is probably his difficulty to adapt to our changing society (regarding child rearing - our kids are growing up in a different world than we did - we need to understand that and do our best to reinforce our family values and give them to tools to succeed in a changing world).
On the positive side, he is responsible - has a good job, takes care of the male oriented house and property maintenance items, and does care for and is committed to his family. He does not drink, gamble or spend too much time with the "boys". He still finds me attractive and continually talks about our future.
It's interesting to me that you chose to call your inability to change who your partner is as "powerlessness in the relationship." No one has the power to change who their partner is as a person. Now it's possible you don't like who he is as a person, or you have a lot of problems with who he is as a person, but that's not the same thing as being "powerless." Because then you say everything "revolves around" his needs and desires, and yours "always take second place." Well, says who? Does he force things to be that way? Or do you not stick up for your needs and desires? Are you powerless, or are you failing or refusing to take things into your own hands?