Apathy in marriage
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Old 04-10-2010, 11:14 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Apathy in marriage

After some discussion with a friend, I just realized that I am apathetic towards my marriage. I hate to admit it but I am pretty indifferent when it comes to my relationship with my spouse. My marital responsibilities are carried out due to obligation and not desire. I am not passionate nor motivated to improve the relationship. My communication is the bare minimum. This really came to light a few weeks ago, when I did pick up a book to improve my relationship - but never made it past the first chapter and lost interest. I hate to be apathetic, but i just do not know where I want the relationship to go - I am not leaning towards separation - nor can I see enduring the relationship any longer. I know I am blessed with what I have - but all I can do right now is live day to day.

Curious if others have experienced an apathetic marriage and how others became motivated to improve the relationship.
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Old 04-11-2010, 07:34 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Apathy in marriage

Are there underlying reasons for your apathy? Other issues in your relationship that have never been addressed? You used the word "enduring", which makes me think that there are things going on that have caused you to become apathetic. The only way I can see anything improving for you is to answer those questions for yourself and then decide if there is any way to fix your issues.
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Old 04-13-2010, 12:23 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Apathy in marriage

cantletgo -
The apathy comes from some frustration and a feeling of powerlessness regarding the relationship. My spouse is who he is and I can not change that. Underlying issues - the main ones are: different set of priorities (example - saving for college v. buying a vehicle for a teenager), his selfishness (everything revolves around his needs and desires - mine always take second place and I do have some resentment and anger towards myself regarding this), his pessimistic or negative attitude towards others (I am tired of hearing that I (we) live in a ghetto and that every person riding their bike or walking along the street is a loser), lack of interest in me - who I am and what is going on in my life(I always ask how his day was and try to engage in converstation but never get that in return) and last is probably his difficulty to adapt to our changing society (regarding child rearing - our kids are growing up in a different world than we did - we need to understand that and do our best to reinforce our family values and give them to tools to succeed in a changing world).

On the positive side, he is responsible - has a good job, takes care of the male oriented house and property maintenance items, and does care for and is committed to his family. He does not drink, gamble or spend too much time with the "boys". He still finds me attractive and continually talks about our future.
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