My Husband is scared to have sex with me!!!
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Old 10-06-2013, 11:54 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My Husband is scared to have sex with me!!!

My husband and I don't really have sex ever. I just got some two days ago and it had two and a half months ago that we hadn't had any. One day I came in and he was masturbating that hurt since he could have used me for his needs Im always available. The reason he doesn't have sex its cause he is scared he doesn't satisfy me or he comes to fast and he also said he sucks at sex. I have told him so many times that I love having sex with him. My point is it possible that he is scared or is he lying to me???
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Old 10-06-2013, 11:57 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband is scared to have sex with me!!!

How old are the two of you? How long have you been married?

Has he always been like this?

It sounds like your husband is inexperienced. Is this right?

Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm: Nicole Daedone: 9780446567183: Amazon.com: Books

ETA: that book is for you to read with him so that he gains more confidence that he can please you.
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Last edited by EleGirl; 10-06-2013 at 12:43 PM.
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Old 10-06-2013, 12:11 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband is scared to have sex with me!!!

I'm 26 and he is 29. Yes he has always been like this. The only reason he told me all this stuff about being scared and not feeling like he can satisfy me it's because I caught him masturbating to some pics on line. He says he doesn't feel pressure to satisfy no one so that's why that's easier for him to do.
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Old 10-06-2013, 12:13 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband is scared to have sex with me!!!

Is he in good physical shape? If not, it would probably help his confidence to get in shape.
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Old 10-06-2013, 12:22 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband is scared to have sex with me!!!

I agree with him working out to gain confidence.

I also think that you both would benefit from seeing a marriage counselor who is also a sex therapist.

With internet porn being so available, what he is experiencing is not all that unusual. There are ways to work through this and have a normal sex life.
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Old 10-06-2013, 12:40 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband is scared to have sex with me!!!

Quote:
My point is it possible that he is scared or is he lying to me???
He is not lying to you. This is probably the biggest fear a guy has.

Reinforce the fact that he doesn't "suck" at sex. "Coming" fast is something most guys do until they learn how to not do it. In fact, many
women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone. They need some kind of direct stimulation to their clitoris in order to have an orgasm.

This is especially tough if an inexperienced guy marries an experienced woman.

The thing your husband wants most in life is to be your hero.

I also wouldn't take the porn thing personally. You have the perfect husband, in one sense, that he told you the exact reason why he engages in it. It really doesn't have anything to do with you.

Dr. David Reuben wrote a book a couple of decades ago in which he said "...masturbation..... 99% of boys do it....and the other 1 % are liars...."

I'm 61 years old, and on my 3rd marriage, and I can't tell whether my wife orgasms, or not. She says that she does, and that it's "good". But, I still have doubts, and if I'm completely honest, I'm still afraid.
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Old 10-13-2013, 07:11 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband is scared to have sex with me!!!

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Originally Posted by wifey87 View Post
My husband and I don't really have sex ever. I just got some two days ago and it had two and a half months ago that we hadn't had any. One day I came in and he was masturbating that hurt since he could have used me for his needs Im always available. The reason he doesn't have sex its cause he is scared he doesn't satisfy me or he comes to fast and he also said he sucks at sex. I have told him so many times that I love having sex with him. My point is it possible that he is scared or is he lying to me???
Multiple times my wife went off in a crying rage because we were engaged in sexual activity and it wasn't what she wanted.

It took me nearly a YEAR to not be so deathly afraid that would happen again I was utterly unable to even be interested, much less "up".

It wasn't that we didn't talk about it, but that we weren't communicating and I simply could not understand her behavior and what she said.

The fear of failing to please is worse than stage fright, fear of heights, etc. While those may terrify you, they're over when they're over. When it's a man, and it's ability to sexually please his woman, it cuts right to the very essence of himself.
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Old 10-13-2013, 07:19 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband is scared to have sex with me!!!

sounds like a porn problem.

do you ask and are you receptive to what he likes and dose he do the same. if so then hes just covering his porn use with a lousy excuse.
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Old 10-13-2013, 09:07 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband is scared to have sex with me!!!

This may be the gin speaking, but geezus. I'm so effing sick of people ruining their marriages over stupid BS. invest yourself or don't, but quit dragging the rest of us through your mud while you ignore your issues and bury your head in the sand. Fack sakes.
Your husband needs to get over himself. But he won't. Take it from someone who knows.
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Old 10-13-2013, 09:57 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband is scared to have sex with me!!!

I would also suspect he is addicted to Pornography...

When you have had sex in the past, does he go REAL quick and feels really bad about it -confirming he has a genuine Premature Ejaculation issue...if this is not happening... he is lying.

This is not acceptable in a marriage, he needs to get help and not leave his desirous wife hanging.. suffering...this will get old real quick, it destroys intimacy and many marriages.
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Old 10-13-2013, 10:22 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband is scared to have sex with me!!!

He is insecure. I know the feeling. Have you ever told him about good sex with past partners or compared him in any way to other guys you've been with? It doesn't take much to make an already insecure guy downright terrified. I don't know the answer, just trying to offer reasons for why he might feel this way.
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