What to do with an antisocial spouse... - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 04-12-2010, 11:59 AM Thread Starter
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What to do with an antisocial spouse...

My wife complains that she has no friends, yet does nothing to make new friends or keep the few she has. People invite her (and us as a couple) out, but she never follows through. Her response is always "I never heard back from her" or "maybe another time". I've gone so far as to make plans with her friends and she looks for excuses not to go and in some cases I end up going alone or with my friends.

I've tried everything. I've explained that you have to be a friend to have a friend and make time for your friends if you want them to stick around with no success. I try to introduce her to new people and she finds fault with everyone. She sees how my best friend and interact with one another. No matter what is going on in our lives, we make it a point to communicate everyday and spend time together every week come hell or high water. She says "I wish I had a friend like that" or jealously complains that he's her "other husband".

It's starting to impact our marriage. She goes to work, comes home, and if we have no commitments with our child, she sits. My fear is even our date nights might go away as she becomes more withdrawn. My philosophy is we'll have plenty of time to sit when we're old. The early 40's isn't a time to give up on life and sit on the sidelines and watch life pass us by.

Has anyone experienced this and what did you do?

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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 04-12-2010, 12:24 PM
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Re: What to do with an antisocial spouse...

Sometimes when you've been betrayed by a friendship in the past, the easiest thing to do is avoid getting close to people in the future. She might be too afraid to take a chance like that again.

Is there a chance she is depressed? Anti-social behavior can be a symptom of depression. Perhaps you could speak to a doctor about it.

That said, I myself am guilty of being anti-social sometimes. I make this little deal with myself:
"You can be miserable sitting around the house, or you can be miserable out (doing whatever). You might as well be out (doing whatever)."
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