I Think My Husband No Longer Cares for Me....
My husband and I used to have a very passionate, fun, and loving relationship. It has slowly been deteriorating over the past 4 years. We've had a lot of changes with our jobs, living situations, etc. which have caused stress, but we always seemed to get through, but lately, it all seems to have caught up in some way.
My husband no longer compliments me...ever. He doesn't touch me, not even to hold my hand or brush my hair away from my face. The only thing we ever talk about is how our days at work were and what we're doing for dinner. This once very creative and spontaneous person never has any ideas for what to do for the weekend and any suggestions I make, he is very quick to dismiss saying he just "doesn't feel like" doing those things. We very rarely have sex anymore. I have brought up my concerns on several occasions in many ways; talking, crying, writing letters, yelling...nothing gets through to him and he is very consistent in his response that he just doens't "feel the same".
I have written letters to myself...a kind of journal, hoping to sort things out. We have even seen a counselor and it always seems that I am the one who is crying and upset and concerned about the relationship ending. He seems indifferent.
I remember one time when the counselor asked if he loved me and he said, "sure". He said that he didn't want a divorce but that I was "living in the past" and that he would "never" feel the same way for me that he once did.
So what do I do? Do I stay with someone who expresses no interest for me and makes me feel so alone and unloved, hoping that one day he will be the man that he was 4 years ago, or do I just leave?
You should also know that I have had issues in the past when I was single with the need to feel loved. I come from an abusive family and have never felt what it was to be loved until I met my husband...it's very hard for me to forget those feelings cause I never had them before and never felt like anyone has ever loved me. I was very self-destructive with my behavior in that I would sleep with random men or create friends-with-benefits relationships in order to have a feeling of being wanted and needed if only for that short period of time. I have since been able to cope with that behavior and understand why it was done so that I don't go down that path again, but I have to say with what has been happening lately and the absolute lack of affection, I find myself contemplating 'acting-out' again which I know is not healthy. I have talked with my husband about this and said that I just don't understand why he can't make an effort, even if he doesn't feel the feelings, to just help me...to touch me every once in a while or give me a kiss or hug or tell my I look nice, but he has done nothing. I feel like if he really cared about me and our relationship, he would try.