05-02-2010, 09:51 AM
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New Braunfels, Tx
| | Re: Men in bad relationships AND an unplanned pregnancies
My wife and I have had 2 unplanned pregnancies in our marriage (1st & 4th). With our 1st child we had only been married a few months when we found out (I was 23 my wife was 21). She was still in college and I had just started my real first job out of college. We didn't have any money at all, living paycheck to paycheck, no health insurance, etc. To say I was worried and stressed would be an understatement! We wanted to have our own time to do things without kids. We wanted freedom and I wanted to be making more money. I spent a few months in a funk, probably borderline depressed most of the time. For us, due to religious and personal views, abortion was never even considered.
After a few months I realized a few things that really turned my views around. First was that with sex always comes the responsibility of pregnancy. The only biological point of sex is to produce a child. Sex has many mental reasons (better marriage, etc). I am in NO way saying sex should only be for reproduction. But honestly, no one should ever be "surprised" if they get pregnant.
Second, my child had not been asked to be born. It was forced into the deal because of what my wife and I did, not him. So blaming him for any of this was beyond stupid.
Third, if people in third world countries can have children, there had to be a way we could find to afford the child. We cut corners (stopped cable, cell phones, etc) and changed our spending habits. By doing that, we ended up being able to afford having our son. I also joined our insurance option at work, although it was too late to cover his birth.
I know it sounds really corny, but having our first son is the catalyst that really caused my wife and myself to grow into adults. I remember holding him after my wife delivered and thought "How could I ever have been upset at this miracle".
As with our 4th, after our 3rd son my wife's OB told her we would not be able to have more kids. In order to get pregnant with our 3rd she had to do 3 cycles of Clomid. I had asked him if he's sure enough about it if I should go have a vasectomy. He said "99% positive" that it wouldn't happen. lol, 17 months after the birth of our 3rd son we found out we are pregnant again. :-) In this case though we are financially stable, have insurance and know what having kids is about. I was shocked when we found out we were pregnant, but not upset, mad, angry at all. I even joked with her OB that since we have "bought" 3 we should get 1 free. That being said, I do now have an appointment to get clipped!