My wife is leaving me as he says she is emotionally unattached to me.
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Old 04-20-2010, 11:00 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My wife is leaving me as he says she is emotionally unattached to me.

Hello everyone, I have a situation that I am very sad and upset about. My wife of 8 years has decided she wants a time out as she feels that she is not emotionally attached to me and does not admire me anymore. She says that I have been verbally abusive over the years. I agree with her to a certain extent! She says that I am mean and miserable. She is correct! However, to my credit. Every since my daughter was 2, she is now 6, I have dropped off and picked up our daughter at school. I cook and clean an do all the household chores and take care of the finances. Her gripe with me is that I can not control the money correctly. I tell her all the bills and explain that I was not an accountant by trade and offerred to let her handle it. She has refused. She goes to work at 7 in the morning and usually comes home by 11 pm and sometimes later. She does not help me with the household duties of a family. I dont know what to do as I do love her and I want to make it work but it seems she has given up. What should I do! I go to counseling by myself and she does not want to go!
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Old 05-16-2010, 12:03 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is leaving me as he says she is emotionally unattached to me.

If your wife does not want to go to counseling, she has already given up. You should keep begging her to go but it may be too late. You really cannot force anyone into anything so, by her not going, she is giving up on the marriage.
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Old 05-16-2010, 02:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is leaving me as he says she is emotionally unattached to me.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news Andy but when a woman has told their stbx that they want to leave..they have already left..sounds to me like by the hours she's away there is something else she isn't telling you...no one wants to believe the worst and everyone wants to believe their spouse is different than everyone elses who has posted on this exact same subject almost daily..but reality is there's someone else,someone in her sights or someone giving her everything she wants to hear...sucks but get ready for the emotional rollercoaster ride of your life..good luck and keep posting for support.
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Old 05-16-2010, 03:40 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is leaving me as he says she is emotionally unattached to me.

If your wife says that you "have been verbally abusive," it is true. It's not her imagination and not a matter for you to partially agree with or partially disagree with.

If your wife says you are "mean and miserable,," it is true. It's not her imagination and not a matter for you to agree with or disagree with.

Sir, why did you think it was okay to be those things to your wife and treat her that way? Did they make you feel good? Did they make you feel superior? I hope they made you feel wonderful and were worth your wife now telling you that she doesn't want you anymore. You destroyed her love and destroyed your marriage and expect your daily household chores to somehow compensate for being mean and abusive. As you can see, it doesn't work that way.

If you want to try to win back her love, this movie is a great place to start. Rent it. Watch it. Follow the principles. I cannot say if it is too late although it probably is. Doing what this movie tells you to do is your only hope that I can see.
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Old 05-16-2010, 06:35 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is leaving me as he says she is emotionally unattached to me.

I don't know. I get really irritated when posters in this forum try to post out websites or movies and claim that that's the answer to saving a poster's marriage. Reality is, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. I do agree that he has been harmful to his marriage but just don't that these remedies will work. There's just no substitute for professional counseling where impartial observers can help someone understand their situation.
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Old 05-16-2010, 10:04 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is leaving me as he says she is emotionally unattached to me.

Someguy888, I have to disagree with you. The movie that susan pointed out is not a save all. There is a book behind it. That book teaches you things that every person in the world takes for granted. My wife and I have been married 20 years. And we have been through everything possible. Including affairs. And because of that movie, I got the book. It brought realization into my life in ways counseling never did. Now the wife and I are together and better than the day we got married. Now, is it a one size fits all? Probably not. But it will open your eyes to how horrible people can be without realizing it.
I learned more from the Love Dare book than I did from any counseling. In counseling it is all about what the face of the problems are, not the core of what is lacking. They deal with the issue or argument at hand. Not what the core of that issue is.

Now do I agree that his abusive behavior is a problem. Yes. Do I think it is worse than what he tells us? Yes... Why? Because of his problem he will justify certain times. However there is no real justification. The dare will points out things that will change that if you want to understand it.

impartial observers? You mean a referee... Unless one of the 2 figure out the core of things, it will not work out.

Now do I believe in counseling, yes I do. However, I believe that counseling is in no way a solution to save a marriage. In fact, I see from this forum alone that more marriages are not fixed by counseling than are...

But again, one of the parties are always to far gone to try.
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Old 05-16-2010, 10:04 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is leaving me as he says she is emotionally unattached to me.

Someguy888, I have to disagree with you. The movie that susan pointed out is not a save all. There is a book behind it. That book teaches you things that every person in the world takes for granted. My wife and I have been married 20 years. And we have been through everything possible. Including affairs. And because of that movie, I got the book. It brought realization into my life in ways counseling never did. Now the wife and I are together and better than the day we got married. Now, is it a one size fits all? Probably not. But it will open your eyes to how horrible people can be without realizing it.
I learned more from the Love Dare book than I did from any counseling. In counseling it is all about what the face of the problems are, not the core of what is lacking. They deal with the issue or argument at hand. Not what the core of that issue is.

Now do I agree that his abusive behavior is a problem. Yes. Do I think it is worse than what he tells us? Yes... Why? Because of his problem he will justify certain times. However there is no real justification. The dare will points out things that will change that if you want to understand it.

impartial observers? You mean a referee... Unless one of the 2 figure out the core of things, it will not work out.

Now do I believe in counseling, yes I do. However, I believe that counseling is in no way a solution to save a marriage. In fact, I see from this forum alone that more marriages are not fixed by counseling than are...

But again, one of the parties are always to far gone to try.
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