Who should go, her or I?

KeepingHope · 05-16-2008, 02:35 PM

Hi Everyone - I'm looking for a little direction, particularly from the women. May 7th marked the 14th wedding anniversary for my wife and I. We're both 38 and have three incredible kids. This past Christmas I noticed she started falling into a "funk". She became distant and was going out with her friends on a fairly regular basis. We talked about it and she said she was just going through some "woman" issues. She started seeing a counselor for possible depression but stopped after only 3 sessions. Things were up and down for a bit until April 3. After a night out togehter, she informed me that she wasn't happy and didn't feel like she was in love with me anymore and she was going to start sleeping at her parents house to try and get her head straight. Which she did. She'd leave the house after the kids went to bed then would return by 6:20 a.m. the next morning to be there before our oldest woke up. We started counseling within the last two weeks but she recently said she wanted to try a trial separation. I told her I didn't want to go that route but I couldn't stop her if she did. She could could pack her bags and leave anytime she wanted. The door is always open and I'm hear to talk whenever she needs to or whenever she's ready. The problem...she wants me to move out and I refuse. I don't see why, after she's picked up and shaken my life, then dropped it on it's head, I would be expected to leave my house and children. After all, she's the one that's not sure what she wants out of this life or marriage. Looking for a little bit of outside perspective and help. When I truely step back and look at my marriage, honestly, I can say that we've had many, many more fun and exciting and loving moments then we've had bad. I don't know what she's looking for and I feel like I'm strong enough and I love her enough to handle this and fight for this, but I don't know if moving out is the answer. What do you think?

draconis · 05-16-2008, 03:27 PM

I would say that it is she that should leave.

draconis

Amplexor · 05-16-2008, 03:28 PM

Separation is a significant step either way but IMO it generally doesn’t help. My best wishes to you both. As for who should go and who should stay, in general, I’d agree that the spouse that wants the separation should leave. If you opt to separate there are some legal forms available on the net to lay out some ground rules and protect the party who is leaving from that being used against them the custody hearings should the marriage end in divorce. I’d strongly suggest you take advantage of them. As always I feel the best option is to seek counsel and see if you can improve the marriage without dragging the kids through a separation. Best of luck and bless.

Andrea · 05-16-2008, 04:03 PM

Yeah I agree with them two

. Who ever wants the separation should leave.

swedish · 05-16-2008, 04:08 PM