This is all very troubling. I'm honestly wondering right now why you haven't left already. You have already had two daughters sexually molested by your husband's sons, and your husband masturbated in the same room with your three year old, and all you have is "lingering doubts"? You do realize that if your husband's sons molested your daughters it's VERY likely that they were molested themselves, whether by your husband or someone else in the family. Something is very sick and wrong here, and I think you need to wake up to it. I realize it's not 100% clear whether your husband himself has actually molested anyone, but he is clearly sexually sick, and I would not want my children around someone like that. I mean, seriously, two of your daughters were already victims. You need to protect the rest of your kids. If I were you I would start planning an exit strategy. By the way you do realize that what he did with your three-year-old alone would probably be considered a sex offense crime, right? If you're worried about him getting partial custody, that's probably something you can prevent.
Do you ever ask your kids about him in private? Whether he ever touched them or showed them anything or did anything they didn't like? Honestly, asking HIM and relying on his answer is just naive.
JohnLee, there was a misquote here that I would like to clarify. I posted this: "He would come home from work and while the kids were doing their homework he'd be in the bathroom masturbating to porn. He'd stay up late at night and get on the computer. I would ask if it was about porn and he repeatedly told me it was not. One of the boys found porn files hidden on the computer. One of the girls caught him watching a porn video in the same room as our 3 year old while the child was not asleep." My husband didn't masturbate, that I know of, with our (then) 3 year old in the room while he was watching porn. And why have I stayed? Many reasons, the man is not all bad. The things that have happened and have been addressed with counseling he has seemingly move fwd with. I think it has been me that has had a real hard time trusting and wanting to be close.As long as we are more of friends sharing a home I am fine in the since that he is not close enough to hard/hurt me emotionally. At the same time I long to have someone who is interested in me and he obviously is not.....I long to be touched and I have a hard time letting my husband touch me anymore. I dream at night of meeting other men and the connection we have in conversation, I crave it as my husband and I have not had this.
For many many years even though husband didn't seem interested in me, I was the one seeking him for any kind of intimacy. After awhile I found it empty and I would not feel any better afterwards and I finally figured out what I was begging for from my husband was emotional crumbs of affection and I was trying to get that thru sex.
One day, over 3 years ago, after a close friend of mine had been involved in an emotional affair and left her husband I realized how involved these situations are.....husband had a few infatuations that he pursued and he had denied for years. When asked this time though he finally confessed that his feelings for these women had been quite involved and when I asked him if he thought about sex with them he laughed and said, "Of course, I am a man." Ever since then I took a huge step back. I stopped going to him for sex, probably why I have these dreams, I am fRUSTRATED. I knew then that no matter what I did it was never going to be good enough for my husband to give to me because he had nothing to give. He wants to indulge what pleases him and as long as I go to him for sex then he'll take up on that but there is not a pay back for me. He can converse on the phone if I leave town, he can be the sweetest man then but in real life it is like a partnership...almost like I am supposed to be his man buddy.