My Wife is Leaving Me

Orionpdx · 04-30-2010, 12:59 PM

Hello All,

I am a newly wed only married 9 months and my wife is leaving me. She says she's in love with me, but not in the right way, and she needs to be on her own for a while because she never has been. I knew she had these issues going into the marriage but we always talked them out.

At one time she will say she is committed to making it work and just needs time apart, and other times she says that the is only like a 2% chance of making things work.

One thing I don't understand. She says I am her best friend, that she is attracted to me, our sex life is great, she is the happier with me than anyone, but she just has this gut feeling that how she feels about me isn't how she is "supposed" to feel.

I love her so much. I don't know what to do or say.

Any help would be appreciated.

Amplexor · 04-30-2010, 01:36 PM

Having been a professional sales person for 30 years I would equate this to buyer's remorse. Have you sat down with each other and fully discussed what each of you wants from the marriage? Are there other issues between you?

Orionpdx · 04-30-2010, 01:47 PM

No real other issues.

The part about needing her own space I fully understand, and which is why I agreed to a separation. She went from a 7 year relationship with her high school sweetheart, right into a relationship with me, we have been together for three years, married 9 months. She would bring up these fears every 5 or 6 months or so, we would talk about them, she would feel better (or so I thought).

What I really don't understand is the "Loving me the right way," comments. If she is happy with me, if our sex life is good, if we are best friends, and she says she does love me, then why cant she allow her self to feel confident that how she feels about me is the right way?

Amplexor · 04-30-2010, 01:59 PM

Sounds as if she has been waffling the whole time. What if any is the relationship with the X? Does she still carry feelings for him? Are they still in contact?

Orionpdx · 04-30-2010, 02:04 PM

No. Trust me on that. He destroyed her (Cheated on her with her best friend). She has completely removed him from her life.

She has been waffling yes, based on her need for independence. This things about loving me the right way is new.

Amplexor · 04-30-2010, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orionpdx

She has been waffling yes, based on her need for independence. This things about loving me the right way is new.

Since she was in a 7 year relationship with a HSBF then straight to you she has never really not been in a relationship and she may be realizing that. Have you by chance been discussing having kids already?

Orionpdx · 04-30-2010, 02:15 PM

We had been planing on it. I noticed her start to say things like "If we have kids," a couple of months ago.

Then two days before our big discussion, I made some stupid comment to the extent of "Well, if you decide you dont want kids, I would probably leave you." Stupid I know and probably made her finally get to the point where she made us separate instead of just suggesting it.

Amplexor · 04-30-2010, 02:41 PM

I would explore with her, her thoughts on having kids. When, how many..... If she is waffling on the marriage kids would certainly complicate it for her and you both. I would also suggest some counseling for her.

turnera · 04-30-2010, 02:42 PM

Let her go. Keep in touch. She needs to spend time on her own. Most people do, before they get married.

Orionpdx · 04-30-2010, 04:05 PM

I know. And that is why I granted her a separation.

I;m just confused on the whole "I odnt love you the right way," Comment, when she says I'm her best friend, she loves our sex life, calls me the perfect husband, says she loves me....but not the right way, Not "Like That."

lola_b · 05-01-2010, 10:53 PM

Have you asked her what she means about loving you the right way?? Only she has that answer for you.