New Girl Friend Questions

drake35 · 05-01-2010, 10:45 AM

Hi guys!! I am new to the forum and not very good at explaining my self but i will try. Maybe some of the ladies on here can help me with my problem. I am 35 years old and have been dating a 27 year old girl off and on for about 4 months now. I got married for the first time at 30 and have a 3 year old little boy and needless to say i and devorced. Now for my girl friend. She got married at about 25 and has a 2 year old girl and devorced. The problem we have is she dosnt want to make a commitment. And i am not talking about getting married, just a normal boy friend and girl friend relationship. I have asked her several times face to face and through email if i am the only guy in her life and she will not tell me. But she kinda wants to act like we are maried. For instince, she wants me to stay over and talks about marriage and building a house?? She is going through a rough time with the separation of her child the way the custudy is. She gets her every two days and it drives her nuts not having her on different holidays. She also feels like she faled in her marrige even though she was the one that wanted out. I am trying to take all of this into consideration and just be there for her but i dont want to be a fool. She is a very beautiful girl and could get who ever she wants so it sometimes makes me think that if she didnt want to be with me she wouldnt. One more question that has really been on my mind. She has guy friends, should she be talking to them when in a relationship with me? I would appreciate any comments......Thanks

HappyHer · 05-01-2010, 12:20 PM

She is in no place to start another relationship. She is still going through the break up issues with her marriage. This is not a good idea to push anything at all beyond friendship. I'm sure she likes to "act" married with you at times to give her some relief and feelings that all is back to normal - somewhat- but it's not real. Give her a couple years to work on herself first, and just be there. Time will tell if it's going to be a relationship or not, but now isn't the best of times.

Sydni · 05-01-2010, 01:45 PM

I think she is going through stuff with her old relationship right now and I think if you two are talking about marriage after 4 months of a non monogamous relationship (on her end) then its more of a comforting thing for her. Don't ask her about having a serious relationship anymore. It sounds like she isn't ready for it. Be there for her when she needs you and if you find yourself a girl that you would fancy dating then let her know, tell heryou like her and that unless she feels like its a serious thing between you teo then you would like to go on a date with this other girl. Dont hide anything from her but dont tell her everything if she doesnt want to know. treat it more like a friendship and maybe her feelings will grow in a natural way and not out of confusion about her life... Your relationship will not last otherwise.

drake35 · 05-01-2010, 06:15 PM

Thanks for the comments!! I have backed way off for about 2 weeks and she seems to be missing me very much. I think one of the issues maybe is that all of her passed relashonships were very unstable and she was not treated very good. It seems to scare her to be treated well and this is part of it also. I agree with everything ladies and just wanted to make sure i was doing the right thing.......Thanks