Well Matt, I'll tell you how things have been going for me - looks like you're in sort of the same boat. Maybe I can be of some help to you, I sure as hell have needed it the last year.
It's NOT easy, that's for sure. In fact if you love her, it's the most painful thing a human can endure, in my opinion. Each day is different; some days she seems like she's opening up to me and oh man, what wonderful vibes I get from her....and some days she seems like she's closing back up and my heart feels like it has a huge piece of glass in it. I too lost about 25 lbs when all of this started, but that's not healthy and it'll keep you from thinking clearly.
Get some nutrition in your body!
What I've learned, the wrong way, is to try your hardest NOT to suffocate her during this time when she needs to breathe....she needs space to think, to sort her feelings out. Give that to her. She's hurting too, I'm sure.
Seeing how I am the one who caused this damage to our marriage and hurt the one woman I love more than anything in this universe, what do I EXPECT to happen?
I mean, I did it over years....I hurt her, built that wall around her heart. I didn't respect her, I took her for granted, and I was selfish. I was a jerk and this is what I get for acting that way! Doesn't make it any easier, but helps me understand why she feels the way she does.
My wife will not heal quickly, and possibly not at all....as painful as that is for me to say, I've grown to accept it as a possibility. I can say though, that 3-4 months ago I DID NOT think we'd be together. She didn't want me to touch her at all, she wouldn't talk to me at all. You'll miss her, and you'll be in proximity to her, which makes it all the more painful. I want to touch my wife SO BAD sometimes it kills me. I've wanted to leave, just to get away from the pain. DO NOT DO THAT. Don't remove her sense of security. Stay no matter how much it hurts.
In your case I'd say this and this is just from my own experience; Let her know how you feel without overdoing it, be patient and I mean PATIENT with her, not matter how painful it is give her some space and let her think, try to be friendly and when you get a chance to talk to each other, DO NOT bring up the relationship while you're chatting...try to keep it light and easy. Let her come to you IF AND WHEN she wants too....but at all times be there for her if she needs something from you....difficult to do without smothering, I know.
Take EVERY single smile or kind word she gives you and CHERISH the hell out of it! Let her know how important she is to you, let her know what she means to you and your family....again, don't overdo it because it'll push her further away! I know, I've been making these mistakes over and over for months!
I want her to trust me again...trust is something I destroyed....and man, does it take a long time to rebuild, there's no way around it! I hold out hope every single day, I pray my ass off for right thought, right speech, and right action...guidance...chances. I have faith and I've never had faith before. Trust your heart, your intuition....NOT your mind! I try to laugh and elevate the mood when we're around each other, no matter how either of us are feeling.
I also am learning to LISTEN TO HER when she's speaking, no matter what it's about!
LISTEN, don't interrupt, and HEAR what she says!
Good luck to you my man, I'll send you my strongest energies that you and you wife will find love again!