Re: My parents hates my boyfriend and it's hurting our relationship.
Well, you are not going to listen to me, then a few years from now (or less) you will say to yourself "I should have listened." Live with that kind of regret, or take the advice of those from whom you asked. Otherwise, why on earth did you ask? Yes, I know you want absolution and someone to tell you how to hold on to your boyfriend. But, when someone tells you the fire is hot, do you really put your hands in anyway???
You are a young woman, and I don't say that to reduce or belittle you at all. I say it because I am twice your age (or more) and have been where you are. Just try to consider having a little sister around 12 or 14 years old or perhaps a child you babysit. What if she came to you with a problem that is very common to youngsters her age. Wouldn't you want her to trust that you remember being her age and having the same problems and same emotions and same experiences? Wouldn't you want her to trust your advice? Wouldn't you also want her to trust that you can predict the outcome? It's not by premonition, of course, but because you experienced the same things. So now, imagine one day having a daughter your age to whom you still have reason to give advice and still have reason to guide. Wouldn't you want the best for her? Wouldn't you want to steer her from problems and harm's way? Wouldn't you want her to trust you? My dear, there is nothing your mother wants more.
You have it in your mind that your mother does not want you to be happy. For her to say those things about your boyfriend, whom you love, she is interfering with your life. She wants you to break up with him because she hates you and doesn't want you to be happy. Oh what? You don't think she hates you? Then why doesn't she want you to be happy? Oh I see. Because she dislikes your boyfriend. Oh. Okay.
You have it in your mind that your mother doesn't know what she's talking about. For her to say those things about your boyfriend, whom you love, she is interfering with your life. She doesn't know him, does she? She doesn't know how sweet and kind and loving he is to you, right? She cannot possibly know what she's talking about because he's the best guy on earth.
You will one day turn into your mother. I like to call this the vicious cycle of life because there is just no breaking it. There is no way to get through to the next generation to impart and impress that we've been there. No matter how many times we say it, the younger generation believes their generation, their problems, their loves, their relationships, their feelings, their experiences, etc., etc. are all so uniquely different. But they are not. Not one of them. Not one.
My mom said similar things about my boyfriends, too. It was so funny to me when just a few years later, I could reflect back and see so very clearly just how right my mother was. And she was ALWAYS right, no matter how hard I fought against her, was angry and disgusted about what she said, vehemently disagreed with what she said, and was so certain in my own mind that she hated me and didn't want me to be happy.
My mother was soooo good to pinpoint accuracy, that I was able to reflect back and laugh at the time she told me "Oh honey, that man is a pleasure to look at from head to toe." I still laugh at that one she said about some guy I thought was the love of my life at the time. I don't laugh though at the time she told me "You need to stay away from that guy" about yet another love of my life.
Read some of these forums and see how many times you ask yourself, "Then why did you marry him???" I want to ask it with almost every thread I read LOL. Are they going to be you one day? We all make mistakes in life, but the bad part is how many of those mistakes could have been avoided. How many people refused to listen to their family, refused to listen to their mother, and even refused to listen to their own instincts. What is unique about you and your situation is you have the gift of forewarning and the favor of your mother's keen senses. She sees/notices something you are too blinded by love to notice. She recognizes what you keep defending and calling "slight" anger so many times was actually abnormal given the circumstances. Your mother has good reason to say what she did. You have good reason to trust her, and I hope you will because she doesn't hate you. She is looking out for you.
Thank goodness for reflection because it lets us see our mistakes in clear view albeit hindsight, plus it taught me to trust my mother. I learned to trust her so well that I was in my late 20s and my 30s still taking first dates home to "meet my mother." They knew where my mother lived before they know where I lived. My two older sisters did the same, but mom had not requested that of us since we were teenagers. I could see my sisters had done some reflecting of their own LOL.
So, I regretted the times I shouted back at her, "Let me make my own mistakes!" and was glad she didn't. I lamented the times she didn't press hard enough to make me hear her and didn't knock knock on my noggin, open the hatch, and drop in the clue.
Learn from the experiences and wisdom of others, and trust your mom. When you begin to trust her, you will grow to love her almost as much as she loves you. And, you'll look to her for guidance and wisdom and surprise yourself at how many times a day, how many times a week you call on her. And you'll appreciate she's just looking out for you all those times, too.