Not sure if I should trust him - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 07-05-2007, 07:30 PM Thread Starter
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Not sure if I should trust him

Hi! I am new to this group fact this is the first time I have ever joined anything like this - but I am desparte and not surre who to talk to. My husband of 5 years Z9together for atotal of 10) - has lied to me. Not once, not twice but more than several times about the same thing. About 2 years ago, I found out he was talking to an old girlfirend - talking almost every day - one his way to work - on his way home and while he was at work. I found out when I scrolled through our cell phone bills. His 'conversations' with her lasted anywhere from 10 minutes to over an hour each time. Some days he talked to her severasl times a day. He also would tell me he had to go and then I found out it was because she called him and he took her call! When I asked him about it - he lied...and then confessed telling me they only talked a few times briefly - just catch up - when I confronted him wuth the cell bills and length of calls he admitted that ok - maybe it was more than a few times (this was happening over the course of 6 months) - but swore she was just a friend. We went to couselling and did our best to work through it. I believed him when he said he would never talk to her again and tell me if she called or tried contacting him. I have asked him several times over the past 2 years if he has heard from her or communicated with her in any way and he swore he had not. About a month ago we had an issue with him hiding his emails from me and quickly loggin out etc...when i asked him about it - he said he had nothing to hide and would give me his password if I wanted it.. well I called his bluff and he tried avoiding me and only after he quickly logged in and it looked like he deleted some emails and then gave me his password. Since I beleived him - I didn't think I needed to look - and didn't - however, yesterday i logged in while he was sleeping to check to see if he received a reply from an online company he had ordered from and saw an email from 'her' - i read it and discovered that he emailed her first a few months ago to 'check in on her' and they had exchanged emails several times over the past 4 months. The emails were basicslly- how are you - what are you doing etc. but if you didn't know my husband, you would think he was single the way he would say things using 'I' instead of we or 'my family'. When I asked him about if he had communicated with her - he swore to me that he hadn't and even reminded me that he promised he would if he did. This went on for a while with him repeatedly telling me that he had no contact with her. I told him that I knew - and then he finally gave in and told me that he didn't tell me because he didn't want to 'get into it' with me or hurt me...what hurts is that he LIED!!!! I do not know what to do!! he says he won't do it again....but I don't know if I can beleive him. If you knew him - he would be the last person you would ever guess to do somehting like this....please give me some advice. Thank you!!

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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 07-11-2007, 09:14 AM
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This has been going on for two years correct? Is the problem that he is talking to his ex, or that he is lying to you? If it is just the lies, then tell him that. Do you trust him not to cheat on you with her? There is the possibility that they are just catching up and trying to be friends again. Maybe you already know what the real problem is, but if not, find out what really bothers you more. Do you want him to be honest with you while still talking to his ex? Or, do you want him to stop talking to her all together? He is lying to you because he feels like he is doing something wrong. It is possible that he is doing something wrong, but if they are just catching up, then what is the problem? Both of you need to find the root of the problem, and then go from there. Why is he really lying to you, and what hurts you more, the lies, or him talking to his ex?
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