Well I don't know with me, my wife used to be a nympho before me, more so i think with different men rather than the same one. well we have been married for 5 months and have not had sex in three months, I do all those things, massage her all the time, kiss her and cuddle i am very passionate, there is even nights i pleasure her just to have her roll over and go to sleep. I am not sure if it is me or, Do i just not turn her on? I thought about enlargment or something, when we used to do it it was great, she would finish before me and then i would, now it is nothing really do i just not attract her anymore, is it becuase i am the same guy and not anohter man? which should i fear she has another man, or will soon?
Ouch Armlyon - it's no wonder you have doubts and some fears here. And that won't change until you talk to her.
Unfortunately the most direct solution, i.e. talking, is often the most difficult. What if it's not the answer we want to hear? Instead, at least in my case, I'll try everythingthing under the sun to try and get things to go the way I want...but without communication it won't work.
You two have been together a relatively short time, so hopefully you're not too set in your ways to change things. Make communication an important part of your relationship now and it will continue.
There are two possible reasons I could imagine for your wife's behavior:
1) you are trying too hard. If she used to have so much sex, maybe she is used to taking the iniative and you are taking away some of the fun from her.
2) she used to have sex more often and with more people in order to get (subconsciously) a feeling of confirmation - that she was worthy and wanted by others. Now she's married. She has you and is safe and constantly getting this positive feedback that she is worthy and special. She doesn't need to use sex to feel better about herself anymore.
I honestly can not imagine that she does not find you attractive anymore. Don't doubt yourself, talk to her.
How are things otherwise in the relationship? Are things going smoothly and are you generally happy with each other, or is the new sex-less part of the relationship just the straw that was waiting to break the camel's back?
Well it is not the greatest, we have issues with the kids she has two, both from different men. I am trying my hardest to be part of thier life, volunteer to help coach sport teams and stuff. But sometimes i feel like that is not enough, So i get her flowers nearly once a week for her. However we were having a baby a few months ago, but she went to abort it, and turns out it was already dead, she is ok with that. I am not but she refuses to have another baby with me. even though she told me she would before we married. I just am getting sick of always trying and being there for her, with no return or concern for how i feel. But i think most this stuff started with no sex i understand two months of no sex. not the last month.
We talked some and all she says is things change. I said i know but there is alot of little things that dont ever need to i don't think she knew what i was talking about. Its not just sex though i feel she has no passion with me, I am very passionate man, I like affection, and stuff she likes it as well but she does not like to give me affection just recieve, Like after a long day of work i will rub her down and try and make her feel better, it is the complete oppisite the other way around, seems she does not even think to make me feel comfortable Like last night after 16 hours of work for me, as soon as i got home we argued. then made up but she feel asleep on the couch, and i try to move her to the bed she does not move. so somewhere in the middle of the night she came to bed.
that happens alot, so i think she stays in there until she sleeps hoping we don't end up in the room and me try to have sex with her. I am seriousily not trying anymore for me however i still try and please her but she don't like that either or just not often. Really we used to be like 4 times a week, before long it was once a week then once every ten days and now not at all. I really don't get it not at all.
I do know i love her but sometimes i just expect too much. I am willing to work on our relationship, but is it even worth trying to get disappointed again.
I'm really sorry. It sounds like you are really making an effot and not getting anything back.
Quote:
Originally Posted by armlyon007
I just am getting sick of always trying and being there for her, with no return or concern for how i feel. ...
We talked some and all she says is things change. I said i know but there is alot of little things that dont ever need to i don't think she knew what i was talking about....
She sounds like a completely selfish woman - but I don't know her side, and I don't know what losing a baby will do to you. There are always two sides, and simply saying 'things change' is not an adequate presentation of her side. Before you make a serious decision about ending the relationship (and possibly messing with the heads of two kids whom have already been messed with enough), you've got to get her to talk.
Maybe if you give her a chance to gather her thoughts first would be better. Like telling her 'i love you and i'm worried about us. I'd like it if we could really honestly talk things through this evening - are you willing to make this effort?'.
If she's not, then it is time to think about the next step.
Well I don't know with me, my wife used to be a nympho before me, more so i think with different men rather than the same one. well we have been married for 5 months and have not had sex in three months, I do all those things, massage her all the time, kiss her and cuddle i am very passionate, there is even nights i pleasure her just to have her roll over and go to sleep. I am not sure if it is me or, Do i just not turn her on? I thought about enlargment or something, when we used to do it it was great, she would finish before me and then i would, now it is nothing really do i just not attract her anymore, is it becuase i am the same guy and not anohter man? which should i fear she has another man, or will soon?
What are you using as a definition of "nymphomaniac"?
Often, fellows get some ideas in their heads about women, and have a difficult time letting go of them. I am not saying you have done that, but it might be a good time for you to stop and think about what your expectation were when you married.
It is normal for sex to become less frequent after years of marriage. Her hormone levels change and other things become more important. It doesn't mean the marriage has failed, it means that your life together has demands that take energy away from sex, IMHO.
I feel you too on that! There are times I feel exactly the same, sometimes not even the same wavelength!
I think just the marriage part is a de-motivating factor for women like your missus, My wifey was the same before and but i feel her sex drive has spiralled downwards! I know having kids plays a part but sometimes you get the feeling that she "makes" the experience you both shared in past a "chore"!
Just speak to her thats the only way you can get inside of each others heads.
Don't know what to tell you other than be blunt about it...
You have to talk to her and actually let her know that your are feeling there is a lack of communication in your marriage, that she is neglecting your needs, and you feel that the cause for that may be another man, or the desire to have another man.
__________________
Hi, my name is Russ, and I'm a recovering alcoholic.
Sober since 27 March, 2008.
If you are only recently married, and are not having sex then probably there is something wrong. Why did you get married? Were you two really in love, or there is something else? You should talk with her about why are things the way they are.
Hi amylyon007
I dont understand why some men dont have the guts to call it quits with women who only use them. The same goes for women that cannot call it quit with men who mistreat them? Look this forum is not patronising anyone; MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP IS GIVE AND TAKE AND SO IS LIFE ITSELF. If one person is misrable at some point they need to understand that their partner has a need that is not misrable and so a compromise must be reached.
Good friend, talk to her directly; and if shes not ready to change, go fishing in the ocean for someone else( stay away from the sharks though.....)
all the best.
Do i still excite her?
